Novel Full 6 It was her
Three days passed by after that incident. Jun carried on with his life like usual. Ai would come to the library everyday too. But after that day, they hadn’t spoken to each other at all.
Jun’s gaze frequently went into the direction where she would sit and quietly do her work.
What is this uneasiness I am feeling?
He felt as if he was supposed to talk to her, but about what?
Time passed, more people kept coming and going, but Jun’s uneasiness didn’t fade away. He entirely skipped his lunch break because he didn’t feel hungry anymore.
During the lunch hour, the library was much quieter. On the third floor right now, only he and Ai were there. Jun was working on his computer, but he was making too many silly mistakes today with the budget calculations.
He banged his palms on the desks and got up, feeling angry at himself. The sound echoed, and Ai jolted. She saw Jun coming towards her.
“Can we talk?”
Ai closed the book she was reading. “Yes?”
Jun pulled out a chair and sat opposite her. Even though he said he wanted to talk to her, his expression wasn’t that friendly.
He tapped his finger on the desk. Ten minutes passed with him saying nothing.
Ai opened her book and started reading again. Jun frowned. “What are you doing?”.
“You can take your time until you gather your thoughts.”
His face darkened.
“I know what to say.”
“Then say it.”
“I…I…” he looked to the left, “I…”
His gaze got even colder. He had never done this before.
“Is it so difficult to say thank you?” Ai asked.
His brow twitched.
“Thank you for saving me that day,” although his tone wasn’t that warm as it should have been towards his savior.
Ai placed her palm on a page and faced him. “Your thanks would only hold its meaning if you have realized that what you were trying to do was wrong.”
Jun’s countenance was solemn.
“Do you know what was wrong?”
He said nothing.
“You took your life lightly.”
He shook.
Ai lowered her head. “Life is a precious gift. Do you understand how fortunate you are to live as a human being? You can talk, think, feel – something that only humans can do. You can do so many things. You can achieve anything you desire. You can make your dreams come true. That is the liberty only humans have.”
She raised her head. “Life is not that long for you to shorten it by your own hands.”
Jun’s eyes slowly widened. He was unable to speak anything.
That was what he was doing. He killed himself in his past life. He was going to do the same thing this time too.
He was reborn. But he was about to waste that second chance too.
What else should I do?
Achieve anything I desire? His gaze dimmed. My only desire was to have her. Did I get it?
“Also, you shouldn’t thank me. Instead, you should apologize to your parents. You were heartless to make them heartbroken over their son’s death. No parents would ever want to suffer this grief.”
They heard whispers of people coming up. Lunch break was over. Jun glanced at her once and quickly left. Ai was quiet for a moment and then went back to reading.
—
In the corridor, Jun paced back and forth, having difficulty in deciding whether he should call his father or not.
‘You shouldn’t thank me. Instead, you should apologize to your parents.’
Jun seriously thought about it. He had no reason to confess his second suicide attempt to Jinhai and make him disappointed in him even more. But he also felt that he should let it all out.
Jun stared at Jinhai’s number.
Not now though…Maybe later. Or maybe I should get done with it?
Jun felt a headache again. He suddenly felt tired. He went back to his desk and saw Ai still in her chair, this time, writing something in a notebook.
He let out a breath and put his head on his hands to rest. He closed his eyes and before he knew it, he was asleep.
He dreamed of the car crash again. For the last three nights, the scene of his death flashed again and again.
Jun speeding up his car to a dangerous level, the car losing control and finally crashing into a building – everything came in slow motion.
Jun’s head banged on the steering wheel. Blood oozed out of his head, dripping down and staining his clothes. He heard the shrieks and screams of the people around him, shocked witnessing the sudden crash.
“Oh my God! Help him!”
“Somebody please call an ambulance!”
“Is it a drink and drive case? That man must be definitely drunk!”
“So horrible!”
Jun could vaguely hear them accusing him. But he simply faintly smiled. His vision was slowly blurring. The sounds he heard were fading away. He could feel his end coming.
Ah…Finally. Everything ends here…
Suddenly, a loud bang came from the top of his car. The car shook hard for a few moments.
There was a sharp silence before everybody screeched in horror.
“Ahhhhhhh!!”
“The woman…the woman just fell from above the building!”
“She crashed onto the man’s car!”
“What is going on!?”
Jun heard more screams than before. The panicked voices made his already buzzing head even more painful. As he painfully looked ahead, the sight of the crowd surrounding his car got blocked as a woman collapsed on the car’s hood.
The car’s windshield was already shattered into pieces by the crash. Jun faintly saw the woman land on the hood on her belly. He saw her slowly getting covered in something crimson.
His blurry gaze met the woman’s eyes. For a few seconds, he stared at her. Through the haziness, he still got some clarity which broke on and off. He didn’t know if it was his imagination, but he felt as if he saw tears fill her eyes. She ever so slowly raised her bloody hand towards him through the shattered windshield.
Jun’a gaze was turning blank and empty.
Why is she reaching out to me…?
But something in her eyes felt so strongly familiar to Jun that his hand automatically moved in response. With the last bit of his strength, his hand collapsed on top of hers. He saw the woman’s eyes shut, and then he finally closed his eyes too.
Forever.
—
Jun suddenly woke up with a start. He breathed hard. His eyes were wide in shock.
As he looked up, he saw Ai staring at him, puzzled. It finally dawned upon Jun why he had the same dream again and again.
Her…It was her. It was Zhou Ai who fell from the building that night.