Novel Full 340 A heartfelt conversation
Ai heard the whole account of Yating’s past in detail after he had no choice but to confess it to her.
“I am sorry, Ai. I couldn’t help you when you were about to fall at that time,” his wet eyes sincerely looked at her asking for her forgiveness. “I really wanted to. But the scene of Dong’s fall always came before my eyes. It always showed my glaring fault of how I failed to save him. I was right there holding his hand…” he trembled. “But he slipped. He crashed on the ground right in front of my eyes. When I thought of grabbing your hand, I felt that I would let you slip just like Dong. It was hard to move.”
He looked at his quivering hands. “The same happened with Chyou. More than saving her, I could only imagine her getting hurt because of me. What if I lose my grasp? What if she falls into the fire? What if she dies because of me? I know it’s silly. If I don’t do anything, you will still fall regardless. It’s pathetic just standing there watching someone fall rather than helping them. But I just…couldn’t really let go of that trauma. I just freeze. Even if my mind says to move, my body cannot process that command.”
He faintly smiled. “If Chyou hadn’t snapped me out of it, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything.”
Yating felt Ai’s gaze flickering and trembling with an unknown emotion. Je could sense there were a lot of things going on in her mind, but she wasn’t able to articulate it.
“Hey…are you okay?” He instinctively wanted to hold her hand but quickly backed off. Then his eyes widened seeing her beautiful light brown irises reddening with tears.
To Ai, the revelation of this trauma was mixed with all sorts of emotions. There was pain, helplessness, and anger. The disappointment she held for Yating for that night proved to be baseless. He didn’t do it purposely or with any bad intention. She could feel his immense guilt just for not being able to help her in the signing event.
Now, she couldn’t help but wonder how did he live his life in the past after her death? What did his life become after she died?
“Gu Yating…” she gritted her teeth and from the sorrow she felt, her eyes looked more fierce and angrier. “Jun is right. It’s all your fault!”
His expression was unsightly.
That Liu Jun…He just cannot leave me alone! He already has Ai and even then curses me!
“What did he say…?”
“That it’s a bad habit for you to keep hiding things from people. You really expect for people to understand you when you keep so many important things from them?” Her tone was unforgiving. “You did not tell me anything about your family or your relationship and deal with your father. You didn’t say a word about planning to make Ai Publishing for my sake. You didn’t share your pain and trauma to me ever. You didn’t let me in any of your decisions or the things that affected you for all these years! I didn’t have any clue as to why you did what you did. I misunderstood you all this time. Do you have any idea how I feel?”
Yating stared at her, bewildered with her outburst. For Ai, who was always so calm and composed, it was the first time that he had seen her so riled up.
“I…I…”
“Do you know how it feels to carry a wrong interpretation of someone all this time when they were never at fault? Yating, you say you loved me, but is this how you wanted to have a relationship with me? Were you ever going to confess these things to me? What about all those wasted years when we could have worked together?” She was confronting more to the Yating of the past.
He was baffled. “All those wasted years…Which years are you talking-“
“Ignore everything about that!”
“…”
How can I ignore you when you are this furious?
Ai perfectly knew that he wouldn’t understand the past life. He wouldn’t understand the journey of those ten years they Ai went through. Even so, she wanted to let out her frustrations. She didn’t know how else she should scold him.
Everything fell apart between them when everything could have sorted out if only Yating had shared his concerns with her. And realizing how pointless their suffering was made her feel extremely furious.
“Just concentrate on you hiding things from me.”
Yating felt it was better not to poke her any further. He was unsure of the context of the years passing by, but he let it go for now.
“O-okay. I admit I kept things from you. But like I told you before, I didn’t want Dad to-“
Ai glared at him. “It doesn’t matter if Mr. Gu insults me or if he doesn’t like me. I would have worked hard for him to like me if I could. If I couldn’t, I would have left him alone. No use talking to people who don’t want to break apart from their prejudice.”
He coughed hard.
Dad…
“You didn’t have to assume that I would have felt hurt by his rejection. I am not so weak and if you think I was, then you don’t know me at all.”
He stiffened.
“Then Ai Publishing. I know you wanted to keep it as a surprise, but for how long? I would have loved to work together with you rather than you taking the burden all alone. I would have preferred to get tired with you rather than you getting exhausted all by yourself.”
“Well that-“
Ai bit her lip hard. “About your trauma…I never knew about such an important thing in your life for so many years.”
“Which years-“
She gnashed her jaw. “I told you to ignore that part, didn’t I?”
“S-sorry. My mistake,” he gulped.
Tears threatened to spill from her eyes. “If I am suffering from something, wouldn’t you want to know and help me?”
“Of course!”
“Then why did you hide so many things? From the beginning!” She trembled. “For ten years…” she whispered, “I knew nothing…”
Yating was confused about the ten years part, but he didn’t dare to question her. He did the only thing that appeased any woman in this situation. “I sincerely apologize.”