Novel Full 200 The boundary between friendship and love
Jun was bewildered. “What pressure? I don’t understand where this is coming from.”
Ai tilted her head, trying to find her words. “It’s more of a psychological thing. Since childhood, you said that she will become your wife one day. Your family was happy. Her family was happy, and they repeated what you said. No matter where Han Shui looked, there were people who only supported your relationship, but there was nobody to tell her that she could refuse this decision.”
He was stunned. “Wait. Nobody forced her. She wanted it too.”
“That’s where I am saying that you are wrong. You ‘think’ that you gave her a choice but actually you didn’t. Not consciously. You one-sidedly declared your future with her. Everybody was excited to see you two together, and when she saw so many people favoring one thing as she was growing up, her mind was inclined to believe that this was her only choice, or that this was the only right thing to do..
She wasn’t really thinking about what she wanted or even if she did, she was matching it with others’ expectations from her. That expectation being that she is supposed to be your wife in the future. That made her misunderstand friendship for love. She liked you but as a friend, and everything that happened made her unable to realize the difference between love and friendship.”
Jun froze as he was beginning to understand what Ai was meaning to say.
Ai continued. “So in effect and without ill intentions, you and your families kind of snatched that power from her to decide if she wanted this relationship or not. Unknowingly. That explains why you two started fighting later on. Because she was growing up. She was beginning to understand herself, what she wanted and what she didn’t. Her nature clashed with yours, but she kept insisting to herself that,
‘I am supposed to marry Jun. This is what has been decided for years. Jun had said so. Our families want it too. Everybody is so happy with our relationship. How can I think otherwise?’
Your and everybody’s future expectations to see you as a married couple blocked her vision of what she really wanted.”
Jun touched his throat. “I…I understand I might have been a little pushy, but I really didn’t mean to force her…”
Ai watched his panicking gaze. “Of course, you didn’t. I am not saying you forced her at gunpoint. But expectations are also a way that influences decisions. Do you know that my Mom is against my writing career?”
Jun was taken aback. “Against? She doesn’t like that you are a writer?”
“Not really. She is a professor at a reputed university. Naturally, she wanted me to become a professor like her too. When I said that I wanted to become a writer, she was against it. Even my neighbors weren’t in favor saying that a writer’s career is too volatile. I won’t have a good future. I will earn less. It’s very risky. Basically, they didn’t view that option as something stable. They wanted me to work in a big, reputed company or a university.”
She pursed her lips. “When I heard so many opinions against writing, I was on the verge of giving up on being a writer and do what everyone wanted me to become. I didn’t feel confident anymore. But it was Guiying who urged me to keep writing. There would be no point in working for something that I don’t like, and I would only suffer was what she had said.”
She glanced at him. “So, you see? It’s not like Mom had bad intentions to force me to choose my career. But at the same time, I didn’t want to let her down either. So, there was a spell where I felt pressured from her and everybody’s expectations from me.”
Silence.
Ai touched her chin in deep thought. “I think that’s why Han Shui asked you to give her space. She wanted the time to figure out if she truly saw her future with you or not. It was a hard decision to make because everybody was looking forward to the day when the two families would be tied together by marriage. It would be disheartening to declare that she might not want this relationship, so she wanted to take her time in giving it a proper thought and not hurt others unnecessarily.
And I can understand why now that I met both families today. From your great-grandma’s reaction, I could see that it was a big blow to know that you two won’t be together anymore. That’s why Han Shui must have been hesitating a lot to have such conflicting feelings about you and also why you couldn’t confess your breakup for two months either.”
Jun took a deep, silent breath. He had never really thought of these things in this perspective but now that Ai pointed them out, he couldn’t help but feel that she made sense.
Ai seriously said, “I am not saying Han Shui is not at fault. She did hurt you with her indecisiveness. But it was that background your families built that she misunderstood the boundary between friendship and love. It was through Jin that she realized that difference. You have both hurt each other in different ways because of your limited understanding about love. I think along the way, you also treated her just like a friend but because she was Mrs. Han’s daughter, you forced yourself to believe that you really loved her.”
Jun widened his eyes. His heart pounded faster in his chest. He didn’t want to compare Ai and Shui but now that he gave it a thought, he felt that his emotions for Ai were much stronger and deeper than what he ever had for Shui. He was indeed possessive about Shui but towards Ai, it was as if he strongly felt that he was meant to be hers. Something resonated in his heart about his feelings for Ai.
Towards Shui, it was his obsession but for Ai, it was only his love.