Ch 96: Melissa & Lucien’s Conversation

"..Lord…Professor," Melissa blurted out, and immediately stood up, cleaning the remnants of tears that were blurring her vision with the back of her jacket sleeve.

Lucien stayed silent as he looked back at her. Melissa felt embarrassment creeping over her at the thought of being caught on the verge of crying by him once again.

Does he think I am some kind of crybaby? She shook the thought away and shifted her weight between her feet. He continued to peer down at her, unhurried and unreadable. He was wearing a black shirt today, unlike his usual white, and somehow it suited him perfectly. Black pants, black shoes that glistened under the morning light. His dark hair was slicked back as always, his hands rested in his pockets, and his silver eyes studied her with an expression that gave nothing away. No smile, no anger, no mockery, and no disgust. His face was as impassive as ever.

Even so, she felt deeply uncomfortable. Lucien was standing only a few steps ahead of her, his head tilted slightly downward to meet her gaze, and she found she could not hold his gaze at all. The remnants of tears still clouded her eyes and she bit nervously at her lower lip.

"The world is cruel," he spoke, and his voice carried the weight of someone quietly remembering something. "And it is not fair to anyone. Everyone has their own problems to deal with, Melissa."

Melissa found herself drawn into his words before she could think to resist them.

"And there will never be a day," Lucien continued, "where you would think to yourself, now my problems end here, and I will live the rest of my life in happiness." He paused, letting the weight of it settle between them. "Life will constantly throw problems at you. One thing ends only to give way to another. Your body will wither with time, and as it does, it too will turn against you. Not only will the world knock against you from the outside, but one day even your own body will stop working in your favor."

Melissa found her head nodding, her fist clenching tightly at her side.

"But so what?" A smirk touched the corner of his lips, or at least that was what she thought she saw. "So what if the world is cruel? So what if problems never stop knocking at your door? So what if your own body stops working?"

He let the words hang in the air between them, and Melissa found her eyes fixed on him, her whole body leaning forward in anticipation of the answer.

"You could always choose to take the next step, the one you believe will carry you forward." His lips curved into something that was almost a smile. "You could always decide that you have had enough, and throw yourself toward the things that give you joy. Pursue the greatness you are capable of, and fight back against every cruelty the world offers you. Fight against every problem. Fight against your own fate. Fight until the very bitter end."

Melissa nodded. Fight until the bitter end.

"So that in the end, you can look back at your life with a smile and say that you did everything within your power, and that you pushed against every tide that rose against you," he added.

Lucien took a step toward her and placed his hand on top of her head, patting her lightly. "So, stop worrying so much about your problems, student Melissa." His voice was void of any warmth and yet it was pleasing to her ears, because she could feel that he meant every word for her wellbeing. "Push against those who try to stop you, and you will come out triumphant. I am certain of it."

He removed his hand from her head. "I believe in you."

The last words rang in her head like an echo.

Why does he believe so much in me? Melissa clenched the fabric of her leggings tightly, her fingers pressing into it for some kind of comfort.

"Can I really overcome anything?" she asked, her eyes finally rising to meet his gaze. She was nervous, and she felt timid and terribly small standing before him, but she needed the answer, because she did not believe in herself.

"Yes," he said. "I believe you will do wonders in your life." His voice carried the certainty of someone who already knew the outcome, as though he had seen the shape of Melissa's fate as clearly as the back of his own hand.

Melissa only nodded, her teeth catching her lower lip. She felt that all his confidence would come to nothing because of how weak she was, because she was not brave the way others were, because she did not know how to stand her ground when people came at her. She had seen enough of her own limits when Eleena had called her those awful things. Had Lucien not stepped in when Eleena raised her hand, Melissa knew with quiet certainty that she would have turned and fled the academy and never come back.

And so it hurt her, somewhere deep in her, to see so much confidence shining in him for a future she herself could barely picture. She felt as though she would only end up making him regret having ever believed in her at all.

"But what if I never achieve anything wonderful?" she asked, her voice thin and shallow, as though she had lost the very strength to speak. "Won't you regret having believed in me so much?"

Lucien flicked her on the forehead.

"Don't think so much," he said, his voice as impassive as always. "You have the potential to become strong. Now start running. Twenty laps around the training field."

"Ouch," Melissa groaned softly, and the small sharp pain pulled her cleanly out of her spiraling thoughts. She turned and dashed off toward the running track. She did not want to dwell any longer on her dark thoughts, because if Lucien believed in her, then there had to be a reason for it, and she would choose to trust in his belief even when she could not find the courage to trust in herself.

A small smile formed on her lips as she decided that she would believe in Lucien’s words.

***

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