Chapter 465: An alpha

Chapter 465: Ethan

"I heard about it too."

"Apparently there was a big ride that went whoosh whoosh."

"I am jealous. I wish I was from Redmoon too."

I hit the tree loudly and the sound echoes through the clearing.

"Oh Ethan."

"I did not mean it like that."

"Yes, who would want to go."

"Yeah, we have fun here. We were just saying."

I do not look at them.

I keep my back turned.They are lying. I can hear it in their voices. They do want to go. They are jealous. They wish they were from Redmoon.

I have never been to an amusement park.

I have never had a birthday party like that.

I have never had my mother build me anything.

I hit the tree again.

"Ethan, stop."

I do not stop.

I hit it again.

"Ethan!"

I still do not stop.

"Quick, go get Alpha Marcus."

I keep hitting the tree until my hands bleed. When I want to hit it again, a big hand stops me.

"Dad."

He looks at me. His eyes, normally warm, are stern and cold. His grip is firm.

"Ethan," he says. "What are you doing?"

I do not answer.

I cannot.

My hands are bleeding. My chest is heaving. My eyes are burning.He looks at my hands. He looks at the tree. He looks at the other pups, who are standing at a distance, watching.

"Come with me," he says.

He leads me away.

We walk in silence.

We stop at a stream.

"Sit," he says.

I sit.

He kneels in front of me.

He takes my hands.

He examines the cuts.

"You are going to be fine," he says.

"I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

I am quiet.

"Ethan."

I still do not respond.

"Ethan, I do not know what is going on with you," he says. "You are so aggressive. So rude. You disrespect me. You disrespect your mother. Your grandparents."

I do not respond.

"You cannot keep going like this, my boy," he says.

I cry.

"I do not know," I say.

He carries me, and I bury my head in his shoulder.

"You take after me," he says. "You are bigger than other pups your age. You are probably an Alpha wolf. I do not know what the future holds—whether you will be Alpha of all four packs or just Silverclaw. Regardless, this is not the path."

He pats my shoulder.

"What is an Alpha?" I ask.

"The leader?"

"What else?"

"The biggest wolf."

"What else?"

"...I do not know," I say.

"An Alpha is also a protector," Dad says. "He is everyone’s big brother. Everyone’s father. He is also the bigger person."

I am quiet.

"What kind of Alpha do you want to be?" he asks.

I do not respond.

"Do you want people to be afraid of you? Do you want no friends? If you go on like this, how much longer will your friends be your friends? How much longer will they be friends with Ethan, or will they just come to you because you are the next Alpha?" He pauses.

"I do not want you to be lonely."

I look down.

"I was not even hitting them," I say. "I was hitting the tree. Besides, they were the ones talking about how they wanted to go to Redmoon and—"

"What is wrong with that?" Dad asks.

"What do you mean, what is wrong? It is Redmoon. After everything they did to Mom. They are the reasons why—"

"And what does that have to do with other pups?" Dad asks.

"What? Dad, how can you say that? It is Mum." I move to get off him. He puts me down.

"True," he says. "She is my mate. She is your mother. If they hurt her, it is understandable that we are hurt too. But again—what does that have to do with them?"

"I... it... she is the Luna?!" I shout.

Dad shrugs.

"Do you remember when you fought with that boy years ago, and his father came to apologize to me, despite him hating me?"

I shuffle on my feet. I remember him. He is older now, a teenager. Obviously, he won. They say his mom broke the bond because she wanted to be with Dad, but Dad is obviously with my Mum and rejected her. I heard she ran into the woods and was killed by vampires. So they hate Dad, and as a result, they hate me.

"Yeah," I say.

"Why do you think he came?" Dad asks. "Do you think he suddenly likes me? No. But he bowed his head for his son, because he knew there was no way pack life would be okay if he pissed off a future Alpha. That is what a father is. That is what an Alpha is."

Dad kneels down in front of me.

"The Moon Goddess gives us more strength and authority," he says. "In return, we make sacrifices. That is how life is. I am not saying you are not allowed to be sad. But you should have seen the way the other pups looked at you today."

I look down. He makes me face him.

"I wanted to let you be a child longer," he says. "I am sorry, Ethan. But I did not like the path you were going on."

I sniff.

"And so," he says, "as their big brother, what will you do?"

*

"I’m sorry," I say.

The other kids look at each other. Lyra merely looks at me. I clench my fists. But I remember what Dad said. I am not a little boy anymore.

"I’m sorry," I repeat.

"What are you sorry for?" Lyra asks. "Calling me a bastard? A freak? Ganging up on me? Telling me I don’t belong here? Which one?"

"All of it," I say.

She looks at me. Her dark eyes are steady.

"I don’t forgive you," she says.

The words hit me like a physical blow.

"What did you think?" she asks. "’I’m sorry’ was enough to make everything better?"

I do not respond.

I kind of did think that.

"But just because I don’t like you," she continues, "does not mean I will extend my dislike to the other wolves. And I suppose we can be in the same space. That is all."