Pursuit of the Truth

Su Ming forgot his own status and lost all his past memories. He believed himself to be the man whose wife was about to give birth from the bottom of his heart.

However, there seemed to still be a hint of doubt at the very depths of his heart. This doubt was very faint, and it was barely noticeable, like a sign that was about to be wiped off in the cycles of life and death.

As the anxiety in his heart rose, that sign faded away until Su Ming disregarded it. He grabbed the doctor’s arm and pushed him into the palanquin before rushing back to his house, not caring that the rain was getting heavier.

When he passed by the noodle stall, he still did not pay any attention to the people in there nor the mother who had lost her child and was calling out to her in the distance.

When they reached his house and Su Ming began waiting anxiously outside the room, he forgot everything about his past. It was as if he was a mortal husband whose wife was about to give birth.

His heart was filled with agitation. The corners of his eyes turned red. A feeling of unrest seized his heart as his wife screamed in pain in the room…

Not long after Doctor Mo entered the room and his wife let out a shrill scream of pain, the door to the room was pushed open. When Su Ming saw a baby drenched in blood in the doctor’s arms, he went forward. Like a real father, he was about to hold the baby, but he instinctively cast his gaze at the bed in the room. A shudder ran down his back when he saw his still and unmoving wife.

Grief appeared in his eyes. He ignored the doctor and the baby and walked towards the bed. He stared at the woman who no longer breathed but whose lips still held a smile filled with maternal love, and an intense pain that made Su Ming feel as if his heart was being torn apart rose in him.

He shuddered. This authentic feeling made it seem like he had went through half of his life with this woman…

“Is this your choice?! Why didn’t you ask me?! WHY?!”

Su Ming turned his head around and stared at the doctor with the baby in his arms. His eyes filled with red, and his gaze held a hint of madness.

He knew that his wife was going through a difficult labor and there was a high possibility that the doctor could only keep one alive, but if he had to choose, he would choose his wife without any hesitation, not the baby.

However… this choice had already become something of the past.

The intense pain of his heart being torn apart drowned Su Ming’s mind. As he laughed brokenly, a storm raged in his head. It brought about a faint memory. It seemed to be telling him that this was a cycle of life and death. He was no longer himself but had become the doctor before his eyes.

In that memory… he seemed to have chosen the baby. It seemed like this had always been his choice.

A confusion mixed with madness and grief Su Ming could not put to words made him instinctively raise his hand. He had a strong feeling that as long as he pointed at the doctor through the air, he could destroy all lives.

He raised his hand and pointed at the doctor.

He saw disbelief appear in the doctor’s eyes and a hint of understanding within it. This understanding made Su Ming remember something, but it was soon overcome by grief.

The doctor fell to the ground, breathing his last…

Su Ming threw his head back and laughed brokenly. As his laughter echoed in the air, it seemed to act as a response to the forlorn calls of the woman in the rain…

On that night, the doctor wasn’t the only one who lost his life. The four midwives and everyone else were the same. When the morning arrived and the rain ended, their corpses had already been buried in the darkness.

With Su Ming’s status in the county town, he only needed to spend a rather large sum of money to resolve this matter. Everyone’s lives continued, and time slowly passed. One year, three years, six years…

The baby girl slowly grew up. She was an obedient little girl that was full of youthful vigor, but she was not loved by her father. When they were alone, she could only see her father’s aloof gaze.

Her only companion was the son of the teacher in her house. He was a boy who learned with her. He had been born several months before her and had grown up alongside her.

Su Ming did not like the little girl, because she was too similar to her mother. It made him remember his deceased wife, and an intense pain like that of his heart being ripped apart would strike him.

He loved to silently stare at the sky during rainy days. He would watch the rain fall and the world be enveloped by a curtain of water. Then, without realizing it, he would remember everything that had happened a few years ago.

On one rainy night, Su Ming stared at the rain, and at the instant he closed his eyes, the world was reduced to pieces and turned into a gigantic vortex. When he opened them again, the fragments instantly merged together and regrouped.

He was no longer the little girl’s father, but a thin middle-aged man with a scar on his face who dressed in long robes. He was very knowledgeable, but had an ugly face. Due to it, he had been repeatedly treated as a liar, and he had never been able to achieve his ambitions. He could only become a teacher in a house that belonged to some official in a county town.

“Teacher, when man does plenty of good, the heavens will always reward them, is it true?” A clear, puzzled voice reached Su Ming’s ears. He lowered his head and saw two children sitting in front of him in the room used to teach.

The two children were about six or seven, and they were a boy and a girl. The one who asked the question was the little girl. Her eyes were full of innocence as she stared at Su Ming.

He only had two students. One was his son, and the other the daughter of the official.

He had always taught his son to be kind and to do what was right, to live like a pine tree and never give up. He had also taught the little girl who was not loved by her father to be independent, to not be sad, and to grow up kind…

“Of course it’s real. Doing good is the way to become a proper human being. If everyone did good, there would no longer be unkindness in the world. Remember this, people are born kind. We do not do good for the heavens, but instead, when we help others, we will receive a baptism of our hearts,” Su Ming said softly with a smile.

“I know, I know. Grandpa, I saw someone fishing yesterday, so I asked the old fisherman to let go of the fish. This is an act of kindness,” the boy immediately said loudly with a laugh.

“All things in the world have souls. The kindness you performed today saved a life, and you will surely be rewarded in the future,” Su Ming said with a smile.

This time, he no longer retained a single one of his past memories. Even the hint of doubt in his heart from the previous cycle had disappeared without a trace. He had truly become someone of this world.

“Then when I see someone fishing in the future, I will also do good.”

It seemed like the little girl did not want to admit that she had lost to the boy. She cast a glance at him and pouted.

Su Ming stared at the two children’s expressions, and a smile appeared on his face. When the sun gradually set, he ended his class for the day, and based on his habit, he went to one of the noodle stalls in the county town. He sat there and ordered a bowl of noodles with hot soup. It tasted pretty good, which was why he seemed to always come to this place.

The owner of the noodle stall was an old man with a head full of white hair. He was dressed in gray robes, and he had always made his own noodles over the years. Even if he sometimes had a worker, the younger person would only be in charge of helping and assisting him.

When he only had a few customers, the old man would smoke his pipe while sitting on the large stone by the stall. He would use the grass on the side to weave grass puppets while he watched the passersby around him. Occasionally, he would drink some wine with his customers. His eyes were slightly muddled, but every single time Su Ming looked towards the old man, he would have a strange feeling.

It was as if he could see a hint of compassion in the old man’s eyes, along with the anguish behind it.

This hadn’t changed over the years, but Su Ming did not ask. He liked this place. He loved sitting at the noodle stall and drinking hot soup while watching the people in the world outside. It was a good time to think about his life.

On that day, when Su Ming put the bowl down, he raised his head and saw that the old man was staring at him as usual. Su Ming remained silent for a moment before he suddenly spoke.

“Old man, why do you always look at me? This isn’t something that has happened just once or twice. Over the years, every single time I come here, you stare at me.”

The old man tapped the tobacco pipe against the ground. As he smiled, he spoke softly, with words that carried a profound meaning. “It is not I who is staring at you, but you who is staring at yourself.”

Su Ming stared at the old man. After pondering over his words for a moment, he found himself unable to understand the meaning behind them and shook his head.

“You don’t understand, huh? Heh heh, I am watching and waiting for the day you will no longer come and… another you arrives.”

Su Ming frowned. Just as he was about to speak, he heard the old man mumble to himself.

“The fisherman always comes here, because I buy his fish. Only with it can I make the soup for my noodles taste like seafood… Not all children are kind-hearted by nature. Only when they are taught to be kind will they try to persuade the fisherman to let go of the fish they caught…

“The heavens have Dao, and Dao has reincarnations. If that child was not dragged away by the fish, the wife of the official would not have been possessed and forced to give birth. If that was the case… the doctor would still be the doctor and not a corpse… The official would also still be the official. He would not have become a man who did not love his own daughter.

“If that was the case, he would also not have the teacher teach his own daughter, but would instead teach her himself. Perhaps he would not teach her how to perform deeds of kindness, and she would not persuade the fisherman to release the fish…

“And because of it, the teacher would not be around, and his son would also not be around…”

When Su Ming heard this, his heart trembled. He suddenly stood up and stared at the old man in a dumbfounded manner. He could vaguely feel like something in his mind was about to break, but at that moment, the old man sighed softly. He stared at Su Ming with a complicated gaze. This gaze made him feel like… he was staring at a bronze mirror which reflected himself.

“You have yet to arrive at the moment when you gain the epiphany. Go on, be on your way…”

The old man shook his head and tapped the tobacco pipe in his hand against the ground. Immediately, a bang rang in Su Ming’s head. The world shattered to pieces during that instant and turned into a gigantic vortex.

It spun with loud rumbles, and the fragments of the broken world regrouped to form another scene in the same world—a new cycle of life and death.