Chapter 196: Dark and brooding kicked puppy

Noah’s POV

I’ve never seen someone so dark and brooding look so much like a kicked puppy. Elias Deus, the man called Death, is at the door with both hands in front of him like a schoolchild under punishment. Serves him right.

With a tired groan I pull out the few clothes I own. They’re all pink and almost all hoodies. It seemed to be a very good ideas when Siren bought them for me, but now that we’re going somewhere official...pink suddenly feels childish. I worry my bottom lip with my front teeth and groan again.

Screw packing, Mr. Dark-deadly-neat-and-tidy will do it for me. I slam the wardrobe shut and head to the bathroom.

The evening is still young, but after spending the entire day with Siren, I’m exhausted. The older omega man made me sit still so he could paint me. The picture is not yet completed because I kept getting hungry, but the whole session was cute. I felt beautiful in a way I haven’t felt before. Can you imagine that? I’m no longer perfectly skinny with a flat belly and a defined cheekbone, yet he kept praising me.

I apply paste to my toothbrush and when I stare in the bathroom mirror, I find Elias standing behind me like a self-assigned personal ghoul. My- THE alpha is holding up a pail that I’ve never seen before. He looks just like that YouTube morning. He looks weird.

"What are you doing?" I ask, mouth full of foam as I frown at him. I feel very much like a married man as my confused husband lifts the pail higher. "It’s for when you want to throw up" he says in that flat tone that never conveys what he really means. I think I want him to cry again, but just for me, and like...happy tears.

’You like being possessed, don’t you?’ my omega asks and I break my eye contact with Elias.

Focus on being mad, Noah.

"Why would I want to throw up? Do I look sick to you?" I ask with extra sass, and I swear I almost forget why I’m mad at him when his fine brows pinch together. Dear Goddess, I only have two wishes in life; bring Zane back to me safely and please let our pup inherit Elias’s brows.

"You’re pregnant and pregnancy comes with nausea" he states and I roll my eyes. Ignoring him, I continue to brush. I focus on getting ready for bed, brush past him, and then climb into the sheet. I hear Elias’s feet padding towards me, but I don’t move or act like I’m hyper-aware of him.

"Noah" he calls.

"Go away, Elias" I murmur.

"Noah. At least look at me" he says and I refuse. I’m going to sleep, I’m not going to crack under the need to feel him against my body, and I’m not going to forgive him till he gets it into his skull that I am his partner, not his lesser.

Despite how mad and determined I am, my ears are still standing in anticipation of his moves but there’s nothing except silence. Disappointed at his early giving up, I change my posture and lie on my belly. So this is what rejection feels like. But just before I sink into my dejected state of mind, I am suddenly carried, and flipped over like a doll to lie on my side.

What the hell?!

Elias positions himself behind me like this is normal and I nearly lose my mind. What is wrong with this man? He puts his arm just under my chest and forces our bodies into a spooning position. He’s the big spoon and I’m the little spoon. "I’m pregnant, you jerk!" I yell, but he doesn’t let go.

"Our baby will like it when her father’s scent is nearby" he says against my nape, and I continue struggling to force myself out of his arms.

"Our baby can survive without it" I say through clenched teeth as he moves his hand to my lower belly.

"I can’t survive without you" he murmurs and I stop fighting against him. It feels like the air in the room has been sucked out by that tiny confession. My breathing is erratic now. My body is hot from all the moving around and Elias’s breath fans my neck like he’s doing this on purpose. It feels like he’s trying to melt a block of ice with his warm breath, and I’m not ashamed to admit that it’s working.

"I don’t want you to stop looking at me, Noah. I hate when you don’t see me" he says softly.

"I also hate when you don’t see me" I reply without the bite in my tone.

"I see you...I see you all the time. You’re what consumes my senses" he says and goddess, those words make my body melt into the sheets.

"I want you to see me, Elias. Listen to me and see me, not just study me like I’m a special species in a lab or something" I say and he changes our position. This time he’s the one who moves from my back to my front, taking and making me miss his heat.

"I have so much to learn, don’t I?" he asks gently and I don’t answer. The answer is glaring. My alpha runs his thumb over my cheekbone and I stare into his eyes in the dark. His eyes are shiny...like he’s hiding all the stars in them.

"I know your brows pull together in a certain way when you lie. I know you take a longer bath when the water is at a stage between hot and comfortably warm. I know you avoid breakfast but enjoy eating..."

"That not seeing me" I murmur and start to trace his cheek too. He has such a good looking face. If he wasn’t a gleeful murderer, I’m sure he’d have made such a fine celebrity. On second thought, I think I prefer him unknown to the world.

"I know a lot of trivial things like that about the celebrities I like too...I want you to see me. I mean, you already do, but it’s not..." I trail off.

"Not enough" he completes for me and I nod.

It’s not enough.

"I’ll do my best, Noah. I promise you. I want you and this. It’s foreign territory to me, but it’s everything I want" he says and my heart melts within my chest. There goes my anger...gone with the wind like my rationality.

Speaking of rationality. We still haven’t addressed the subject of my anger.

"About Zane..." I start and his eyes flicker with obvious disinterest in the topic of my best friend’s life.

"He wanted to leave" Elias responds bluntly and I draw a sharp breath. I know. I know that now, but it doesn’t change the fact that it hurts.

"Will you help me find him?" I whisper.

"I’ll try."

"It would mean the world to me. I just want to tell him I love him, and that I’m safe, and I want to hope he stays with me."

I see his expression before he says it, and I kiss him before he’d actually say the words. The words are already clear and even I know that I’m lying to myself. Zane will never stay with me in this place, he thinks I’m imprisoned, and he’d keep that ideology till he ’saves me’.

Again, Goddess, please...please...keep my best friend safe.