Chapter 228: The Feeling That I’m…

ADRIEN’S POV

I remove my coat and hang it over the back of a chair.

"Do you want something to eat?" Orion asks.

"No."

"Tea?"

"No."

"Water then?"

I look at him. "Are you going to keep listing things until I accept one?"

"If necessary."

I sigh. "Water, then."

He gestures toward the sofa. "Sit down."

"I know how to sit, Orion."

"Your intelligence continues to impress me."

I give him a look, but I sit.

He disappears into the kitchen and returns a few moments later with a glass of water. He places it on the table in front of me before taking off his jacket.

His movements are unhurried. He loosens his tie, rolls his sleeves up, and sets his watch beside the decanter.

I watch him without intending to.

There is something peculiar about seeing Orion in a familiar room after a funeral. He looks almost untouched by the day.

His suit is slightly damp at the shoulders, and there is a faint crease between his brows, but otherwise, he appears to be the same man who stood beside me that morning.

Perhaps that is what makes him difficult to understand.

He can stand beside a grave without appearing disturbed by the person being buried in it. He can watch people cry without changing his expression.

He can hold my hand and make the gesture feel both reassuring and possessive.

I reach for the glass. The water is cold. I take a sip and set it down again.

Orion pours himself a drink.

I watch the amber liquid settle inside the glass.

There is a question I have been carrying since the cemetery. It has followed me through the drive and into the penthouse, and I suspect it will remain with me until I ask it.

I have no particular reason to avoid the subject. Perhaps I simply do not know what I want to hear.

"Orion?"

"Hm?" He glances over his shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"That isn’t the same as saying you’ll answer."

He smiles faintly. "Ask."

I look down at my hands.

For a moment, I consider changing the subject. I could ask him about the security arrangements or whether there have been any developments concerning Alice. I could complain about the weather or tell him that I am hungry after all.

Instead, I look at him. "Did you ever care about Louise?"

His hand pauses around the glass. The question seems to settle between us. He does not immediately answer. He takes a moment to look at me, his expression difficult to read.

I continue before he can misunderstand. "I mean, you dated her for ten years."

"I am aware of the duration."

I ignore that.

"Ten years is a long time, Orion. You attended events together. You were seen together everywhere. She was part of your life for years."

"Go on."

I draw a breath. "Did you ever feel anything for her?"

His gaze remains on me.

I shake my head slightly.

"I’m not asking because I want you to compare us. I don’t need you to tell me that you prefer me or that what we have is different. That’s not why I’m asking."

"Then why are you asking?"

I look toward the windows. "Because I don’t understand her."

The words come out quieter than I expect.

"I knew her for years, and I still don’t understand her. I keep thinking about everything she did, and I cannot figure out what she wanted. I don’t know why she hated Alice so much, or why she chose to hurt people who had nothing to do with whatever happened between them."

I pause.

"And you were with her for ten years. If anyone should have known something about her, it should have been you."

Orion says nothing.

I look back at him. "Did she ever mean anything to you?"

He places his glass on the table. "You already know the answer to that, Adrien."

I frown. "I wouldn’t be asking if I did."

"Yes, you would."

"That’s a very irritating thing to say."

"I have been told."

He walks toward me.

There is no hurry in his movements. He stops near the sofa, one hand resting on the back of it while his attention remains on my face.

"I have never genuinely felt anything for Louise." The answer is delivered without hesitation.

I study him. "Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Not even after all those years?"

"Time does not create feelings where none exist."

He says it as though he is explaining something very simple.

I look at the glass in my hands. "Then why did you stay with her?"

"Because there was no reason to end the arrangement."

"Arrangement?"

"That is what it was."

He takes his drink and settles into the armchair opposite me.

"Louise was useful to me. She was familiar with the people I needed to deal with, and her presence made certain things easier. My aunt approved of her. The public approved of her. Nobody asked too many questions."

He takes a sip. "It was convenient."

I stare at him. "You’re talking about a ten-year relationship."

"You’re making it sound more complicated than it was."

"Most people would consider ten years a considerable amount of time to spend with somebody they feel nothing for."

"Most people are not me."

I almost laugh, but the sound dies before it reaches my mouth. There is something unpleasant about his answer.

Not because I feel sorry for Louise. I do not know whether I should. I cannot pretend she was innocent, and I have no desire to excuse the things she did simply because she is dead.

But ten years is a long time to occupy somebody’s life without ever being seen by them as anything more than a useful presence.

I wonder whether she knew.

Perhaps she did. Perhaps she spent all those years hoping Orion would eventually look at her differently. Perhaps she had her own reasons for remaining beside him.

I cannot ask her now.

"Did she know you felt that way?" I ask.

Orion tilts his head. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because she was a person, Orion."

His expression remains unchanged. "And?"

I stare at him. "Sometimes I forget that you can be very unpleasant."

"Only sometimes?"