On The Other Side: I Quit Being Human

I was always at the bottom of the hierarchy. People blamed me for my timid nature because many people like me triumphed in their social life. They might be correct but they were also wrong. I used to fight the unjust things done to me. I did that a lot of times until I just decided to accept my predicament to avoid more pain.

People asked me to be more outgoing but I am not that kind of person. I would rather have a few people I can call friends than have hundreds of people surround me just because they think I am fun. I couldn’t become what I was not and I still can’t. Why could I not be accepted just by being myself? I wondered a lot.

People are born with wickedness. Some manage to control it and some don’t. The people in my surroundings happened to be the latter. The things they did to me made me lose faith in others. The betrayal that I had led me to conceal my feelings. Revealing them made me feel exposed. I felt like giving people a way to exploit me by doing that.

The first thing I thought when Ilschevar told me he would help me get stronger was how I would conceal my feelings. I was excited because I would finally be able to hide my feelings. My desire to be unreadable peaked at that moment. Not long after, I got what I wanted. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn how to hide my feelings. I forgot how to express them.

It felt good for some time. I enjoyed the wondering look people gave me as they tried to comprehend me. When I got used to it, a dilemma assaulted me. I began to wonder how I should treat others because my lack of sympathy had made me an apathetic person. I rely on my logic and the morals I learned growing up ever since then.

Despite so, the way I see people changed. When they are close, I consider them friends. When they are not, I consider them tools. It is hard for me to not categorize them that way. Much to my horror, the line between those two is getting blurry these days. As I look into Valeria’s eyes, I am reminded of that fact.

Valeria wants an answer. I have always relied on my logic. I orient my actions with goals. So far, I have done nothing without a particular purpose. Valeria has become painfully aware of this fact and she can’t help but doubt me. Considering who she is, it is not surprising she worries that I may be using her for my hidden agenda.

“I am emotionally impaired, but that doesn’t mean I can’t feel. Maybe, that was the case but no longer. I am still learning, but I am sure of what I feel toward you. Look into my eyes and tell me what you think.”

This is a gamble. Both of us are emotionally impaired. Valeria may not be able to see past my emotionless eyes. I am afraid this will be the end of our relationship. I will be saddened if it turns out to be the case…or will I?

“I see…” Valeria mutters as she looks down. “I can’t see the love in your eyes.” My heart sinks to the bottom of my stomach. “But I can’t recognize one even if you plainly show me.” It calms my heart slightly.

“I can see your fear of losing me, but I can’t tell in what way you mean it.” I hold my breath, waiting for her next words. “At this point, though, I don’t care about it. I have become irrational. I just want to be with you.”

I release my breath slowly just so I don’t look relieved. Being perceived as such will insinuate that I wasn’t confident in myself. Valeria would treat it as if I was relieved that she didn’t see past my mask. She hasn’t explored her emotion much, so she doesn’t know the difference.

Forcing a soothing smile to creep up my face, I put my hand behind Valeria’s head and push it close to my chest. She buries her face in my chest, wrapping me in a hug that is stronger than ever. As I caress her back, I feel like comforting myself. I make a mental note to be more expressive with my feelings toward her.

“Do you want to strengthen our bonds?” Valeria asks timidly.𝗈𝐯𝔩xt.𝗇𝓔t

“I prefer calling it soul-bridging,” I remark playfully.

Valeria says nothing but I can see her pale neck reddening. I smile in triumph and swipe her off her feet. She doesn’t yelp, but she shoots me a bewildered look once I carry her like a princess. I take her to our room and we immediately indulge ourselves in our activity.

….

An hour passed in the blink of an eye. It is nowhere near enough, but duty is duty. Someone is already waiting before our door, adamant about making us feel uncomfortable. I sigh as I get up, parting from the sweaty Valeria lying on the bed. Her chest serenely heaves up and down as she looks at me bitterly. She doesn’t want to part yet, but she can’t do anything about it.

Using simple Wind Magic, I get rid of the faint yet easily detectable smell in the air. My Spatial Storage flashes and I am wrapped in my clothes.

“You didn’t feel it, did you? You didn’t sweat,” Valeria points out.

“It is kind of hard to feel hot after what happened to me.” I shrug.

The last hour was not only used to satisfy our biological urges. We talked about what I had been doing and what I planned to deal with the matter in Lysimork. Ilschevar always leaves me alone whenever Valeria and I engage in ‘that’ activity, so it was a perfect time to talk. Even if he didn’t, Valeria had made a precaution by somehow rendering the Demon King’s Mark useless.

After kissing the still-tired Valeria on her forehead, I teleport outside the room. I knew whom to expect the moment I felt her Mana, but seeing Eliseus here still makes me quirk an eyebrow. I am wondering why she is willing to help me. After all, even if Haletha considers her a good friend, she doesn’t feel the same.

My paranoid mind makes me think that she is planning to take me out during the heat of the battle, but I quickly cast the thought away. Eliseus looks too happy to have such a thought. It is as if she just wants to spend some time with me. I pity her for her awkward nature. Doing a mission with me has always been her only way to “hang out” with me.

I don’t plan to lower my guard around her; but at this point, I can’t help but pity her. I should ask her out someday.

“Is it the Alpha Legion?” I ask.

“Yes,” Eliseus answers simply.

The Legions that Velucan commands are named following the Greek letters. From Alpha to Kappa—they are sorted by their capability. Alpha is the best Legion under him. I am part of the Alpha Legion and so is Eliseus. This means Ilschevar’s trust in me is high. He won’t lend such a valuable Legion easily otherwise.

Walking with Eliseus, we head to the field before the Barrack. The Alpha Legion is already waiting for me, greeting me as soon as they see me. Eliseus spares me one last glance before joining the others. I wonder why she acts like it will be our last time together but shake my head soon. It is quite frustrating trying to comprehend her.

“March!” I shout as I point at the Teleportation Gate leading to Antares.

The Legion looks at me in bewilderment for a few seconds before doing what I said. I can tell what they are thinking: “Why are we not going straight to Lysimork?” The answer is that I want to fool the Temple. It is also to lure out the betrayers among the Dark Elf. By making it seem like we won’t help Lysimork, they will become more eager—the former to come out and the former to attack.

I am sure the Temple won’t bother to order Rectusomine to attack Antares if Lysimork is sure to be abandoned. It will focus its soldiers on Lysimork to successfully take the Dark Elf Kingdom down.

Days pass in the blink of an eye. Five days have gone by and my tomfoolery works splendidly. More and more Dark Elves show their true selves. They have become more confident in their victory because of the lack of help that Verniculos provides to Lysimork. Weeding them out is easy work for Hadrian’s Black Merchants.

By the time the war starts, Lysimork won’t have to worry about getting backstabbed. Though, Haletha is becoming more nervous the more the days pass because I haven’t been answering her calls.

The Teleportation Gates connecting Lysimork to Antares have also been sealed, further supporting her dreadful assumption. Fortunately, she doesn’t order anyone to destroy them.

Some more days passed and Luxibrae finally makes its move.

“Commander, are you going to ignore the call again?” Maxine asks as I read through the report Hadrian gave me with Millonia on my lap. “You should tell your allies what you are going to do, so they don’t panic. A misunderstanding at this time will only ruin the dynamics.”

I wholeheartedly agree with Maxine, but I don’t mean to change my plan. Lysimork needs to face its dire time for it to succeed. One should fool his ally to fool his enemy. I will properly apologize to Haletha later.

Glancing at Aurelia standing slightly behind me through the corner of my eyes, a light smile finds its way to my face. She is glaring at Millonia who is smirking cockily at her. Ah, she is so clueless about my plan for her. I will also apologize to her later.