On The Other Side: I Quit Being Human

[Shizuru Agatsuma’s POV]

My father was a merchant from the west. He came from a country called the Netherlands. He came to the Country of The Sun to introduce his country’s special liquor but ended up falling in love with my mother who was one of the Shogun’s servants. Everything was going well until my mother decided to quit her job.

“You are mine the moment you decided to accept the job, Sumiko. You shall stop when I tell you so.”

“Shogun-sama, this lowly servant of yours will pay as much as you want to gain her freedom. She just wants to live happily with her lover outside the castle.”

“Are you suggesting that you are not happy living in the castle? Presumptuous!”

The Shogun was by no means pleased by my mother’s decision. He didn’t fancy her, nor did he harbor a special feeling toward her; however, he didn’t like the fact that a foreigner managed to capture his servant’s heart.

“Added to that, are you also suggesting that you can pay any amount of money that I ask? Is your lover that rich

As proactive as he was in building cooperation with other countries, he didn’t want what belonged to his country to be owned by other countries. It was not only about commodities, but also his people.

To prevent my mother from meeting my father, he put my mother in jail. My father wondered why the love of his life didn’t see him even after a week, so he investigated it. When he found out that my mother was jailed because of him, he was livid. He wanted to punch the Shogun but was smart enough to tell it was an incredibly stupid idea.

Still, it didn’t mean he would just back down and leave my mother rotting in jail. With all his bravery, he snuck into the jail. As a merchant, he knew how things worked in the field, so he bribed one of the guards to turn a blind eye to his crappy infiltration. It was very bold of him to do that considering what kind of punishment awaited him.

He managed to get my mother out of the jail. The Shogun found out about it the next day and was livid. He didn’t want to dwell on it too much, though, so he let my mother off the hook. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t want the same thing to happen in the future, so he made a strict rule about marrying a foreigner.

Added to that, my father’s face was all over the country. The Shogun didn’t assign any Samurai to hunt him down, but he put a price on my father’s head. Thanks to that, my father couldn’t escape the country with my mother. He couldn’t force his way through, so he decided to remain in the country and live as one of us.

The Shogun’s pettiness managed to cut his ties with his hometown.

Being Dutch, trying to live as a Japanese while convincing people he was Japanese was extremely hard. My parents had to move out countless times because their neighbors got suspicious of them.

They spent two years moving from village to village before eventually settling down. At this point, my father still didn’t look Japanese, but he no longer looked like a foreigner. People would find him odd from time to time, but no one questioned his identity. I don’t know how he did—mother never told me the way.

When they deemed the situation peaceful, they decided to have me. Everything went all right for the next twelve years until the Shogun, Tokugawa Ieyasu died of illness. I was eleven at the time. Everyone wanted to seize the throne, so war was unavoidable. Everyone was involved in it, regardless of their stance.

Fathers were forced to bury their sons and children were forced to watch their parents die. I was unfortunately one of the children. The war took my parents from me. I can vividly remember until now how my mother looked at me before that barbaric Samurai cleaved her head. I can still even hear my father’s last words now: “Live, Shizuru!”

I honored my father’s request. I lived, albeit poorly. The lively and expressive Shizuru died along with her parents. I was no more than an empty vessel whose goal was solely to live. I had no purpose. I did what I could to remain alive.

“Hey, this girl is not bad.”

“What do you mean she’s not bad? Have you ever seen any young girls as beautiful as she is?”

“Rarely. Anyway, we have to sell this girl to Yoshiwara. I believe a lot of the brothels will fight for her. She is an Oiran candidate, don’t you think?”

“Well…that is a good idea.”

Oiran was a term used to call a glorified prostitute. An Oiran was like a princess, but one that you could fuck as long as you had money. Only the most talented and beautiful prostitute could become an Oiran. When you became one, even those snobbish merchants wouldn’t carelessly look down on you.

It was not uncommon for the Shogun to take fancy to an Oiran. This was what made people behave around an Oiran. They didn’t want to float in the river with their innards emptied the next morning. The Shogun wouldn’t hesitate to do that once an Oiran asked him to.

That aside, even though I was given a chance to live like a princess, I didn’t find the idea enticing. Some simple girls would think it was a golden chance, but I didn’t think spreading my legs for disgusting merchants to earn that life was worth it.

“Hey, little girl, do you want to have a better life? We won’t kill you, so you only have to say yes to our offer.”

Alas, I was given little to no choice at that time. The two men who had been looking at me up and down showed no intention to let me go. If I retaliated, they might knock me unconscious and do things to my body. Either way, I would end up in a brothel in Yoshiwara no matter what I chose.

I sighed and nodded my head at the men. They beamed and immediately grabbed my hands. They called a carriage and took me to the Yoshiwara District. They took me to the biggest brothel there and then bargained with the owner of the place. I watched them value me like I was a commodity. Something unpleasant filled my chest, making it hard for me to breathe.

I didn’t know I was angry at the time.

“I have checked it—you are a virgin. The Shogun will be glad to meet you as the new Oiran,” the madam told me after inspecting my genitalia for a minute. “Now, little girl, tell me what your name is.”

“Shizuru…” the fourteen-year-old me muttered.

“Since you don’t have any, I will give you my family name. Agatsuma—Agatsuma Shizuru. How about it?”

Honestly, I didn’t care about the family name. However, I still looked up and nodded my head. The madam smiled and brought me to my room. This was the room where I would sleep for the year I remained in the brothel.

Nothing happened to me for a whole year. Everything I did was learn everything that would entertain the client (singing, playing the koto, flattering, massaging, and many others). I found it fun at first and I thought about remaining there forever. The thought didn’t last long. The hush-hush talks I heard every night from the ordinary prostitutes made me question my choice.

Did I want to be treated the way they were treated? I asked myself every night. The answer came quickly: I didn’t. When the madam deemed me ready to take my first job, I planned my escape. I hid a knife in my kimono and went to entertain my client who was a close friend of the Shogun, Tokugawa Hidetada.

When I made him drunk enough, I let him push me down. Even before he could take off my kimono, I took out my knife and jabbed it at his jugular. He was too bewildered to react and too drunk to let out a proper scream. I slid the knife to the side, cutting his neck deeply. He did his best to press on his neck but to no avail. He died due to blood loss.

I looked at my reflection in the blood pooling on the floor and noticed that I was grinning like a devil. At that moment, I realized that I didn’t just want to live; I also wanted to be free. I didn’t want others to dictate how I should live my life. I was on my own and no one should hold me back.

𝑶𝗏𝓛xt.𝗇𝓔t

Thus, I ran and kept running. I ran for two whole years, avoiding death and escaping the Samurai of the livid Hidetada whose friend I had killed. I was free, but every day was no different from hell. I had to look around before I slept. I had to be constantly aware of my surroundings while sleeping.

Despite the shortcomings, I still found it enjoyable. Nothing beats freedom and living life the way we want it.

“Is she here?”

“Yes. I am positive she is here.”

“Pfft! What are those Samurais have been doing to be played by a brat? She is barely seventeen!”

“She is a natural fighter. She has killed thirty Samurais over the years—that’s why the Shogun mobilized us, Shinobi.”

As I listen to the whisper behind the door of the shrine where I hid and slept, I could instantly tell my time had come. Shinobi specialized in taking people out in the dark. I couldn’t see my chance of winning. I was right.

I tried my best, but I still ended up sprawled on the ground. Blood was leaking out of the cut in my neck and the holes in my abdomen. I gave up on my life. That should be the end of Agatsuma Shizuru, but I was wrong.

Golden light enveloped me. When it disappeared, I was in another world.