Chapter 186: So This Is What the Heartache of Leaving Him Feels Like

Hearing Chen Mo’s question, Su Yuqing opened her mouth, but in the end, she didn’t say a word.

Chen Mo smiled and glanced at her, saying, "You want to ask about Yaoyao?"

Hearing the intimate way Chen Mo referred to her, Su Yuqing couldn’t help but nod.

"Like I said before, she’s Aunt Lin’s daughter. My mom and Aunt Lin are best friends, so we often played together as kids.

But she always acted like a boy when we were little. I’ll let you in on a little secret: I didn’t even know she was a girl until I got to middle school."

Chen Mo recalled his own shocked state when he found out Chu Mengyao was a girl.

He had even slept in the same bed with Chu Mengyao as a child and had run around in front of her in just his shorts.

He hadn’t realized at all that she was a member of the opposite sex.

That was because Chu Mengyao had always dressed in a very androgynous way since they were little.

Plus, kids don’t have a very clear concept of gendered names.

Especially since Chen Mo didn’t even know Chu Mengyao’s full name when they were young. He only knew that Aunt Lin called her Yaoyao, and his own mother called her Yaoyao, so he just went along with it.

The habit has stuck with him to this day.

Chen Mo only remembered that back in his preschool class, there was a boy named Tan Yao whose teacher and parents all called him Yaoyao.

So when he later met Chu Mengyao, saw her androgynous clothes, and heard everyone call her Yaoyao, he subconsciously assumed she was a boy.

Furthermore, Chu Mengyao wasn’t shy at all and would just pull Chen Mo along to play all kinds of games.

This made Chen Mo even more certain that she was a boy, just like him.

This was also the main reason why, from childhood to adulthood, Chen Mo never developed any feelings for Chu Mengyao beyond friendship.

Even after learning she was a girl in middle school, the impression she had left on him wasn’t something that could be easily changed.

Chen Mo had gotten used to treating Chu Mengyao as a playmate, like one of the guys, so he was completely unable to develop romantic feelings for her.

After hearing Chen Mo’s story about Chu Mengyao, Su Yuqing finally understood everything.

She hadn’t expected a story like this and couldn’t help but feel it was a pity for Chu Mengyao.

The girl seemed quite nice.

It just seemed that fate had already decided everything.

Too many people are destined to meet but not to be together.

’If Chen Mo had grown up playing with Chu Mengyao knowing she was a girl, would there even be a place for me?’

Su Yuqing couldn’t help but think to herself.

By the time they got home, the sky was completely dark. After taking their academic proficiency exam and playing a murder mystery game for several hours, both of them were feeling tired.

Once they were home and had washed up, they went to their separate rooms to sleep.

In Su Yuqing’s room, she was holding her phone, casually chatting with someone via text.

It turned out that Chu Mengyao had added her as a friend, and the two of them hit it off immediately, chatting warmly.

The reason Su Yuqing had tried to bring up Chu Mengyao several times wasn’t actually because she wanted to ask, but because Chu Mengyao had begged her to. She had hoped Su Yuqing could sound Chen Mo out on how he really saw her. She knew Chen Mo definitely had no romantic feelings for her, but Chu Mengyao was still very curious about what kind of affection he did feel.

Since Su Yuqing had agreed, she naturally didn’t hide anything.

Upon learning that Chen Mo had actually seen her as a boy all this time, Chu Mengyao was dumbfounded.

Now she finally understood why he never seemed to mind how close they were when they were together.

He would even shamelessly wander around in front of her in nothing but a pair of briefs when she visited his house as a kid.

’So he just saw me as a boy.’

After reading the message, Chu Mengyao looked down at her own chest.

’It’s not that there’s nothing there,’ she thought, ’they’re just not that prominent.’

If it was like this now, it was even more so when she was a child. It would have been even harder to tell if she was a boy or a girl back then.

Chen Mo didn’t know she was a girl, so he didn’t know to keep a respectful distance. But she knew Chen Mo was a boy and that she should.

They had never used the restroom together, so naturally, Chen Mo had no way of finding out Chu Mengyao’s gender.

Thinking about all this, Chu Mengyao wanted to beat her chest and stomp her feet in frustration.

’So this was the real reason Chen Mo never had feelings for me!’

"What if..."

"Forget it. There are no ’what ifs.’ Everything is already set in stone. What’s the point of thinking about it now!"

Chu Mengyao shook her head, trying to fling the unnecessary thoughts from her mind.

Thinking about ’what ifs’ now would only bring her more heartache.

But at least she now knew for sure what Chen Mo felt for her.

’That’s enough.’

After thanking Su Yuqing, the two began to chat about other things girls talk about.

The conversation had originally been about Chu Mengyao, but soon the focus shifted to Su Yuqing.

Chu Mengyao had only learned the gist of it today, and she was still very curious how Su Yuqing and Chen Mo had ended up living together.

Under normal circumstances, Su Yuqing rarely revealed personal things to others.

But after meeting Chu Mengyao today, for some reason, they hit it off instantly, and talking with her felt exceptionally easy.

So she didn’t hide much and gave a general account of her situation.

After hearing about Su Yuqing’s experiences, Chu Mengyao felt her eyes sting and her heart ache for her.

She never imagined that this girl, who seemed so dazzling and bright, had lived such a tragic life in private.

It was truly not easy for her to have grown up so well in that kind of family environment.

The two of them talked until midnight before finally saying good night and going to sleep.

Only after putting down her phone did Su Yuqing feel surprised. How could she have talked in such detail with a girl she had just met that day, telling her many things she had never even told Zhao Yuanyuan?

It was as if Chu Mengyao possessed an ability that made people subconsciously trust her.

As she fell asleep that night, Su Yuqing had a very strange dream.

She dreamed of a scene where she, Chen Mo, and Chu Mengyao were all out having fun together.

Everything in the scene seemed harmonious, but something felt off.

Finally, when it was time to go home, Chen Mo was caught in the middle, unsure of which home to return to.

Seeing Chen Mo’s difficult position, Su Yuqing voluntarily stepped back and let him go to the other’s home.

But as she watched the two of them walk away, a sudden panic seized her heart for no reason, as if this parting meant she would never see Chen Mo again.

Her heart immediately clenched with a wrenching pain, and she jolted awake.

Only then did she realize it was already morning.

But she remembered everything from the dream with perfect clarity.

’So letting go isn’t such an easy thing to do.’

That pain, even knowing it was just a dream, was still twisting her heart now.

Clutching her chest, Su Yuqing took a few deep gasps, only then managing to calm down a little.

’So this is what the heartache of leaving him feels like!’