Nightfall

Ning Que returned to the Old Brush Pen Shop. He realized that the door did not squeak when he opened it, and remembered that Sangsang had fixed it. He entered the kitchen and stuck his hand into the rice vat and retrieved a few eggs, and remembered that he was the one who taught Sangsang this when they were little. He walked to the water vat and to get some water to cook noodles. The vat was full, and he thought that Sangsang must have finished all the household chores before leaving home at dawn.

He walked out of the kitchen and stood beneath the skylight for a long time.

He was still carrying the black umbrella and holding the arrow box in his hand. There was also a chopper hanging from his waist. He had been running around and standing for the entire day. He had not sat down, drank any tea, or eaten anything. However, he was in no mood to cook and eat noodles but thought about the matters in his heart dazedly.

The neat pile of firewood in the corner, the clean table and chairs out in the front had all stirred up many memories. As for what these memories were, only Ning Que himself knew.

Every corner of the house felt empty without Sangsang. He was not used to it. He thought to himself, that it had only been a day, and he already could not bear the loneliness. He had left Chang’an and been in the Wilderness for half a year. How did Sangsang spend her time at home alone?

There was a cat on the courtyard wall.

The cat looked up at the stars in the night sky.

Ning Que glanced at it, and took a piece of firewood from the pile in the corner and threw it at the cat.

The cat who was pretending to be lonely was interrupted. It turned around and yowled angrily at Ning Que before jumping off the wall and disappearing.

The house without Sangsang was devoid of any warmth and was shrouded in cold.

Ning Que could not stay in a house like this, so he left.

…

…

Ning Que went to the Reception Yard.

The disciples of the Black Ink Garden of Great River Kingdom lived here.

Shanshan lived here too.

There was a large bamboo forest in the Reception Yard that remained green even in winter. It seemed peaceful as light shone at it in the night.

Ning Que did not enter the Reception Yard. He stood at the door in the rockery and looked at the light and shadows. His eyes were sharp, and he could vaguely make out the figure of a young girl who was writing something in the room that was farthest in the yard.

Was she writing the two characters that made up Ning Que’s name that was difficult to write well?

Ning Que looked at the figure of the girl at the window silently for a long while.

Then, he turned to leave for the south of the city.

…

…

In the south of Chang’an, and at the foot of the Yanming Mountain, was the Yanming Lake.

Ning Que stood by the lake and look at its surface silently. The ice on the surface had long melted but had not yet disappeared completely in the last of winter. Instead, they had turned into something that resembled willow catkins. They looked like numerous soft gold threads under the light from the opposite end of the lake in the distance.

Plop! Plop!

He picked up some rocks and threw them at the golden threads on the lake’s surface. One after another, he threw them until he had shattered all the ice catkins before him.

He had thrown firewood to the wild cat, and now he was throwing rocks at ice catkins. It was for no other reason than that he was upset. He felt that his world had been shattered, so he would not allow others to hide in their world and laugh at him secretly.

He threw the last piece of rock in his hand at his feet. Ning Que put his hand on his waist and panted for a good while before he calmed down. He looked at the Yanming Lake in the night and complained hoarsely, “The eggs are in the rice vat. Use less oil when you fry them? You’re not even around and you want to control how much oil I use when frying eggs? Is there anyone as stingy as you? The eggs are in the rice vat, the water is in the water vat. Why didn’t you say that the rice is in the pot? Where are you?”

“What do you mean you brought me up? I killed all those Horse Gang and stole their prey. I’ve done every bad thing possible in this life and gave you all those taels of silver that I toiled over to keep. And in the end, you say that you’ve brought me up?”

“Don’t mention anything about me spending lots of money. Have I drunk in the City of Wei? Gambling… I did gamble, but didn’t I do it to bring more income to the family? Have you seen me behaving promiscuously? Have I ever paid when I visited brothels in Chang’an? And yet, you are still dissatisfied with me?”

Ning Que faced the lake in the darkness and held a hand at his waist and raised the forefinger of his other hand like an angry woman. He scolded, “What do you mean I can’t marry if you don’t allow me to? Tell me what you want clearly! You silly little girl. What do you want? Make it clear!”

“Are you asking whether I have ever thought of marrying you?”

“Alright, I admit that I would occasionally think about marrying you when you grow up. But you are still a girl, and I’ve only thought about it. Would I really say it out loud? What if you get embarrassed and try to chop me up with a chopper when I say that? Even if you don’t want to chop me up, who knows how many people out there would like to do that?”

“Furthermore, even if I wanted to marry you, it doesn’t affect me liking some other people, does it?”

“Why do I have to like someone else?”

“Hey, I like meat, that doesn’t mean that I don’t like prawns. I am an omnivore, and I like to eat some other things. So what? What can you do to me?”

“What would you do?”

“You could eat with me.”

“What did you say?”

“I like women, so does it mean you have to like women as well?”

“Erm, this doesn’t seem to make sense indeed.”

His hoarse voice rang on the quiet lakeside.

A conversation like the above would never happen in the Scholar’s Mansion.

Because Ning Que did not dare to say this to Sangsang. He knew that if he really said it, the stubborn girl would turn and walk away without giving him a chance to plead his case. And Sangsang would definitely not ask those questions, but he knew what she was thinking about.

That was why he could only say this at the foot of Yanming mountain at night, on the quiet, empty lakeside, to the lake that did not understand and could not retort. He scolded it like an idiot, and his voice startled the birds near the lake.

…

…

All were silent in the Grand Secretary’s Mansion at night. The lady’s room had been prepared earlier and was decorated luxuriously. The makeup box was filled with rouge from Chenjinji Cosmetics Store.

Sangsang used to love the rouge from Chenjinji Cosmetics Store, but she did not even glance at it today. She ignored the servants who greeted her with complicated expressions and just gazed into the bronze mirror silently.

The bronze mirror was very smooth, and its sides were engraved with flowers. It was obviously an expensive object.

Sangsang did not look at the bronze mirror, but only at her face reflected in it.

It was a slightly tanned face. Her eyes were flat and bland. Her hair was slightly yellow and limp due to undernourishment. Her willow-shaped eyes which used to be bright had turned dull. The face was not beautiful no matter which angle you looked at it from. It did not even look slightly pretty.

“You’re really ugly.”

Sangsang said to her reflection.

She had not cried since she heard what Ning Que had to say last night, or in the morning when she had left the Old Brush Pen Shop, or even when she had met Ning Que again in the afternoon. She had not even allowed sadness to touch her expression because she kept reminding herself not to cry no matter what.

The weak and slender ladies could cry as they touched flowers because they were pretty. Even though she was weak, she was ugly. How would she have the right to cry?

…

…

Sangsang rarely looked into the mirror. Other than not really caring about her appearance other than having pale skin, it was also because Ning Que, as a man, did not know how to dress up young ladies.

When they were in the Min Mountain, the child would look at her face in the reflection of the calm stream. When they got to the City of Wei, the girl would wash her face and comb her hair against the water in a basin. When they got to Chang’an, Ning Que bought her a makeup box, and she finally owned a mirror.

It was just that the mirror in the box was too small, and it was difficult to see her entire face.

That was why Sangsang felt that the little tanned face in the mirror was a stranger to her.

She felt that the person in the mirror was a stranger.

She suddenly despised the person in the mirror.

Sangsang shook her head and said, “You are really an annoying child.”

The Sangsang in the mirror lowered her head and said, “Why do you say so?”

“Because you have caused him to worry.”

“I just want to give him space after his marriage.”

“But you know very well that he would not abandon you. You are forcing him to make a choice. He is already very good to you. How could you be so cruel?”

“But he said he wanted to spend his life with me. Would it be the same if there was an additional person? Could we spend our lives together with another person?”

“Why do you have to fight for it?”

The Sangsang in the mirror answered sadly, “But that belonged to me.”

Sangsang who was looking at the mirror said softly, “But he would be very sad.”

“I have never fought for anything. But it’s different this time. Even though he would be sad, and even though I have become an annoying child, and even though I have become more ugly. I would still fight.”

Looking at the mirror, Sangsang wiped off the tears from her face and said childishly.

…

…

Under the morning light, the lake at the foot of Yanming Mountain reflected a faint luster.

Ning Que stood by the lake with a hand grasping at his waist. He gasped tiredly and muttered something from time to time.

He had not eaten or drank anything for a day and night and had yelled at the lake for an entire night. His throat was extremely sore and his face was haggard.

“Youngest Uncle scolded the heavens and earth heroically. What kind of feeling are you trying to invoke by scolding this little lake? Furthermore, you are just torn about unimportant matters.”

A voice rang in the forest by the lake.

Ning Que turned to look at the annoying fatso and said angrily, “You have been sexually abused since you were a child, which left a shadow in your heart. You’re useless firewood. I would have you know, that the matters between men and women are truly important matters.”

Chen Pipi shrugged and said, “I know you are feeling awful, I shan’t argue with you.”

Ning Que asked, “Why did you come?”

Chen Pipi said, “I came for some things. The Academy held a meeting, but there was no conclusion even though there was plenty of argument. In the end, Seventh Sister said we should just bring you back and ask you what you think about it. You didn’t come to the Academy yesterday, so I was sent to bring you back.”

Ning Que’s thoughts were jumbled and did not understand what he was saying. He thought of the question he had sought an answer for bitterly over the night and asked Chen Pipi seriously, “There is something I want to ask you, what do you like to eat the most?”

“Crab porridge?” Chen Pipi touched the back of his head and asked, “Why are you asking this?”

Ning Que said, “I love eating noodles with fried eggs the most, but if you had to eat crab porridge every day for every meal, would you get sick of it?”

Chen Pipi thought about it for a moment before answering, “Would you not get sick of it if you ate it all the time?”

Ning Que frowned and suddenly thought of a better analogy. He asked in a hoarse voice, “What about water? Would you get sick of it?”

Chen Pipi said annoyedly, “What dumb question is that? You’ll die if you don’t drink water!”