Chapter 92: A Long, Long Winter [10]

Ilya had recovered.

At least, he certainly looked like he had.

His complexion was healthier, he was speaking normally again, and the empty expression Anastasiya remembered from the weeks after Rabelle was nowhere to be seen.

He even seemed comfortable sitting beside Mariya, enough to call her Mother without thinking twice about it.

Anastasiya looked down at the books in her arms.

She had wanted to tell Mariya about her training today.

One of the knights had praised her footwork that morning, and for the first time, Anastasiya had managed to complete an entire lesson without being struck by her instructor’s switch.

It wasn’t anything extraordinary, but she had been looking forward to telling someone.

Her father was still unavailable.

Ilya hadn’t come to watch her train in weeks.

And her mother...

"Would you like something sweet after this?" Mariya asked.

"I haven’t finished the Chapter."

"You can finish it later. You’ve been reading all afternoon."

"But you’re the one who told me to study."

"And now I’m telling you to take a break." Mariya gently pinched his cheek. "Must you argue with your mother about everything?"

"...Fine."

Anastasiya’s fingers tightened around her books.

’Your mother.’

She didn’t know why those words bothered her.

Mariya was her mother. She had always been her mother, and Anastasiya had never once needed to think about that fact before.

Ilya had lost Diane, so there was nothing wrong with Mariya caring for him, and there was certainly nothing wrong with Ilya finding someone he could rely upon after everything he had gone through.

She knew that.

So why did she suddenly feel as though there was nowhere for her to sit?

Anastasiya took one step toward them.

Mariya noticed her.

"Oh, Ana." Her mother smiled warmly. "There you are."

Ilya turned his head as well.

"...Sister."

That was all.

Anastasiya waited for something more, though she wasn’t sure what she was expecting. Perhaps she wanted Ilya to ask where she had been, or Mariya to notice the books piled in her arms and ask what she had been studying.

Neither happened.

"Were you looking for something?" Mariya asked.

"...No."

Anastasiya hugged the books a little closer to her chest.

"I was just passing by."

"I see." Mariya nodded before turning back toward the open book. "Don’t study too late, alright? You’ve been working very hard recently."

It was a kind thing to say.

"...."

But for some reason, it only made Anastasiya feel worse.

"...Okay."

She turned away before either of them could notice the change in her expression.

As Anastasiya continued deeper into the library, Mariya’s laughter followed her between the shelves, accompanied shortly afterward by Ilya’s voice. Neither of them called after her.

She told herself it was fine.

Her father needed time. Ilya had needed someone while she was busy. And her mother was simply taking care of him.

There was nothing wrong with any of it.

And yet, as Anastasiya sat alone at one of the library tables and opened the first of her books, she couldn’t stop herself from wondering when exactly she had become the one standing outside her own family.

"Mother?"

Anastasiya found Mariya in the garden several days later.

She had come straight from training, and there was a small bruise forming under her chin where one of the knights had managed to catch her during their final exchange.

She had won twice that morning, however, and after spending the entire walk back thinking about how she would tell Mariya, she found herself smiling before she had even reached her.

"Mother, today I—"

"Oh, Ana." Mariya turned around. "I was actually about to look for you."

Anastasiya brightened. "You were?"

"Yes." Mariya smiled before holding out a small basket. "Could you bring this to Ilya for me? He hasn’t eaten since this morning, and I have something I need to discuss with the steward."

"...Oh."

Anastasiya looked at the basket.

"Of course."

"Thank you, sweetheart." Mariya kissed her forehead. "You’re always such a dependable girl."

"...Yes."

Anastasiya smiled again.

The victory she had wanted to tell her about could wait.

The next day.

"Mother, do you have a minute?"

"Of course."

Mariya set down her embroidery.

Anastasiya sat beside her and placed a book across her knees, opening it to one of the pages she had marked earlier that afternoon.

"I don’t understand this part. It’s about the relationship between the Margraviates and the Grand Duke, and my tutor explained it twice, but I still don’t really understand why Father can’t simply order them to—"

The door opened.

"Mother."

It was Ilya.

"Oh. Pardon me. I didn’t realize you were busy. I’ll come back later."

With that, Ilya turned to leave, but paused when Mariya called after him.

"Ilya. Have you eaten?"

"...Yes."

"What did you eat?"

"...."

"So you haven’t."

"...I wasn’t particularly hungry."

"That wasn’t my question."

Ilya sighed. "I’ll eat later."

"No, you’ll eat now." Mariya turned toward Anastasiya with an apologetic smile. "I’m sorry, Ana. Would you mind if we continued this afterward? Your brother has apparently decided food is optional again."

Anastasiya looked between them.

"...It’s fine."

"Are you sure?"

Anastasiya closed the book. "I can ask my tutor tomorrow."

"Thank you, sweetheart." Mariya reached over and squeezed her hand. "You’re always so understanding."

Anastasiya stood and tucked the book under her arm.

Ilya frowned. "You don’t have to leave because of me."

"It’s fine."

"I can eat somewhere else."

"I said it’s fine, Ilya."

There was enough irritation in her answer that Ilya looked at her properly. Anastasiya immediately looked away.

"I have other things to study anyway."

She walked past him.

"Sister."

"Hm?"

"...What were you studying?"

For some reason, the question only irritated her more.

"Nothing important."

She left before he could ask again. Ilya watched the door close behind her.

"...Did I do something?"

"She’s tired."

Mariya rose from the sofa and gently placed a hand against his back, guiding him toward the seat Anastasiya had just vacated.

"Don’t worry about it. Ana has been working very hard recently."

"I noticed."

"She’s becoming quite dependable."

Mariya smiled as she reached for the bell to summon a servant.

"Sometimes I wonder when she stopped needing me."

"...."

Ilya glanced toward the door again.