Chapter 67 God.

Chapter 67: 67 God.

I was in the middle of teaching Juniper the finer points of Plumber Cousin World wall jumping techniques when my phone buzzed unexpectedly.

I apologized and pulled it out of my pocket, reading it with an audible groan. The screen displayed "Sheriff Miller". My noise of complaint got alarmed looks from all three women.

"What troubles you, my precious prize?" Elsa gasped, trying out a new pet name, apparently.

Ayra frowned. "He looks so distressed. Would a quick tap on my bottom bring some cheer to your cruel, handsome face, Master?"

"Maybe later," I grunted. "It’s the sheriff again."

"Oh? Local law enforcement?" Juniper asked.

"Yeah. He’s been suspicious since the mall incident we mentioned earlier," I explained, staring at the buzzing phone with reluctance. "I should probably answer before he decides to make a house call."

Elsa made a dismissive gesture. "Simply threaten to unleash your portals upon him should he show his withered face. That should suffice."

"I’m sure that would go over great," I muttered, then swiped to answer. "Hello?"

"Mr. Coleman," Sheriff Miller’s voice was all business right out the gate. "Got another report of strange purple lights on your property after midnight last night. Any idea what that might be about?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Maybe it was my purple porch lights, Sheriff," I replied, making no effort to hide my sarcasm.

"You don’t have purple porch lights, Mr. Coleman."

"The fact that you know that means you’re sticking your nose too far onto my property without probable cause," I said as my patience wore thin. "Look, that gate’s staying closed twenty-four-seven from now on, and I’ve had about enough of this harassment when there hasn’t even been a problem—unless you know something I don’t. Until you have a warrant and reasonable suspicion of an actual crime being committed, I’m done answering these calls."

"Now wait just a minute—" Miller began, but I had already pressed the end call button.

All three women stared at me with varying expressions—Elsa looked satisfied, like I’d done exactly what she wanted me to. Juniper looked a bit anxious. Ayra seemed... well her tongue was hanging out of her mouth and she was panting with a vacant look on her face while scratching her neck with her foot, so yeah.

"That may not have been wise," Juniper noted cautiously. "Won’t he be more suspicious now?"

"Maybe, but he can’t do anything without a legal justification, and he at least knows I’ve got enough money and knowledge of my rights to sue if he tries something," I said, already pulling up the number for Wenards Hardware & Renovations on my phone. "And I’m about to make it a lot harder for him or anyone else to spot what’s happening on our property."

I dialed the store and waited through several rings before a bored-sounding female front desk employee around retirement age answered.

"Wenards Hardware, how can I help you?"

"Hi, I need information about chain link fencing with vinyl privacy covers. Preferably the tallest you have available."

"You’re in luck! Our warehouse carries twelve-foot fencing with privacy slats in several colors—army green and black are very popular. You know, when other stores order tall fences, they’re typically shipping it in from warehouses we own! How much were you looking for?"

I quickly did some mental calculations based on the property line facing the road. "About three hundred feet, maybe a bit more to be safe. And I need it installed today."

There was a pause. "Sir, three hundred feet of twelve foot fencing is a big order, and we don’t have any installation openings today. Our earliest availability would be next week Tuesday."

"What if I tacked on an extra fifty grand?" I asked. "I’m flexible with that number, too."

"Um... let me talk to my boss real quick."

While on hold, I explained the situation to the girls. "If we put up a privacy fence along the road-facing part of the property, it’ll be much harder for people to see what’s happening out here at night. I’ve already got a lock on my gate—we can cover that up with the same privacy stuff as the fencing. It’s also metal chain link."

Ayra’s tail wagged enthusiastically. "Very sneaky, Master! Creating a hidden fortress to shield our midnight activities!"

"It’s also just plain practical," I corrected her. "Plus, I should have done this ages ago anyway. Basic security for a plot like this these days."

The voice returned to the line. "Sir? My manager says we could potentially make this happen today, but it would require significant expediting fees and hiring subcontractors, who will also want rush job pay."

"That’s not a problem. How soon can you have a team here?"

After sorting out the details and providing payment information, I hung up the phone.

"They’ll be here in about two hours," I announced. "Which means we need to keep you three out of sight until they’re gone."

"I could help install the fence," Ayra volunteered. "I’ll wear my beret!"

"No," I said firmly. "It’s best if most people out there leave with the impression that I’m living alone. Explaining one absurdly gorgeous woman might be possible, but three—including one with a twenty-foot serpent tail—would raise questions I’d rather not answer."

A caravan of trucks arrived precisely at the promised time, unloading materials and personnel. I counted at least fifteen workers, some clearly subcontracted based on their different uniforms, just as Wenards said they’d be.

"That’s a lot of people," I observed from a carefully positioned peephole.

"You sound unhappy," Juniper remarked. "But isn’t this what you wanted?"

"Yeah, I guess I’m just not used to having this many people around anymore," I admitted before heading out to greet them.

Keeping the girls away from the windows once the workers arrived proved more challenging than I’d hoped. Ayra was especially curious, repeatedly attempting to peek through the blinds until I finally blocked the living room windows with blankets and instructed Juniper to spray her with my spritzing water bottle every time she got close to one.

God help us all.