Chapter 28 Too Soon.

Chapter 28: 28 Too Soon.

She twisted to face me, looking immediately offended. "Why should I wear clothes now that you’ve already seen and touched everything? It’s insulting! Are you ashamed of my body?!"

She gestured at herself dramatically. "This is art, Grey Coleman! You should treasure every viewing opportunity!"

"Trust me, I agree," I said as my eyes did another involuntary tour. "But you were the one who pumped the brakes last night. If you stay like this all day, it’ll be a matter of hours—maybe minutes—before I frankly fuck the shit out of you."

She giggled sweetly, which was not the sound I expected. She was clearly delighted by this admission, though, so I supposed it was a win. "Very well. If my nudity threatens to overwhelm your restraint, I shall dress myself..." she paused for dramatic effect, "minimally."

I escaped downstairs while she got "dressed," grabbing my phone and collapsing onto the couch.

A few minutes later, she descended wearing a silky pajama top that barely covered her tits and a pair of black panties so tiny that it might as well be made of thoughts and prayers. Why did I even buy those?

Not really too much of an improvement, but I decided to keep that observation to myself.

She flopped beside me, draping herself across my lap like a cat. "Rub my tummy," she commanded, hiking up her top.

Well, hell. Here we go. I set my phone aside and complied, tracing gentle circles on her flat stomach. She made happy noises. "This is perfect," she declared after a while. "Being pampered by my champion while we await our far off destiny."

"Speaking of that destiny," I said, "should we be doing anything specific while we wait for Black Lazarus? Besides the pampering schedule?"

She considered this, actually looking thoughtful. "You could meditate to gain passive XP a little each day. Oh! And we should collect the behemoth horns. Come on!"

She sat up suddenly. "We’ll meditate outside. Less distracting than being indoors with all the cushions."

"Should you maybe put on actual clothes?" I suggested innocently. "It’s chilly today out there, you know."

She sighed a pained sigh. "If I must..."

Twenty minutes and one wardrobe change later, we were crossing the field toward yesterday’s battlefield. Naturally, Elsa was riding me piggyback.

"Here’s good," she announced when we reached the behemoth’s corpse, which was already starting to fade. I let her slide off my back and watched as she circled the massive carcass.

"So what’s the play here?" I asked.

"The horns are the prize," she explained, pointing at the huge curved horns still embedded in the barn doorframe. "You’ll have to saw them off or they’ll fade with the carcass."

"Will they even be useful here?" I asked as I examined the structural damage to my barn. "On Earth, I mean."

"They’re used mostly for potions and enchantments in my world," she shrugged. "But if we hang onto them, then one day the other party members might be able to make use of them."

I cocked my head. She’d mentioned them before. She had also mentioned that she would see them again, and that the entire party was destined to face off against Black Lazarus, including me. I was just beginning to realize that that likely meant they were coming to Earth, too. That might be awkward when they realized my relationship with their friend.

But then, she also mentioned that every member of the Hero’s Party had a fated mate. Were their mates all Earth humans, then? I didn’t really get it, but I wasn’t really in a hurry to. For all I knew, they’d be showing up in twenty years, right before the fight with Black Lazarus.

...Why couldn’t he just be Evil Lazarus?

Anyway, with her guidance, I extracted both horns using a handsaw from my workshop. Each one was nearly four feet of wicked curve, and surprisingly light for their size.

"Meditation time," she announced once we’d set the horns aside. "Let’s find a spot away from the corpse. Dead monster energy interferes with the System’s flow."

I picked a grassy patch about thirty yards away, sitting cross-legged as instructed. Elsa knelt behind me and settled her small hands on my shoulders.

"Close your eyes, Sir Grey," she said as she shifted her voice to something between ASMR and hypnosis. I was definitely a fan of this new register of hers. "Breathe deep. In through your nose, out through your mouth."

At first, it felt ridiculous. This was some yoga instructor new age nonsense, not actual magic, but she knew better than I did, so I played along.

Wouldn’t you know it, after a few minutes, something changed. A warmth spread through my limbs like good booze, coming in with a tingling at the base of my skull.

"That’s it," she murmured as her hands worked my shoulders. I didn’t think that part was necessary—more likely that she just had trouble keeping her hands off of me. "You’re connecting to the System’s passive field. I can sense it."

My head got fuzzy. The sensations intensified—warmth becoming heat, tingling evolving into a pleasant buzz that resonated in my bones.

When I finally opened my eyes, a notification floated in my peripheral vision, and I whipped my head to look at it:

[ MEDITATION COMPLETE ]

[XP Gained!]

"Holy shit!" I jumped up. "I got XP for sitting on my ass!"

I turned to share my excitement, but Elsa was staring past me, her face suddenly pale as a ghost.

"What’s wrong?" I followed her gaze.

Twenty feet away, the air was doing that pre-portal shimmer thing again. Which... was weird.

"Impossible," she whispered. "It’s too soon." She looked at me for confirmation. "Right?"

"Right. It’s never come this early before." I said as I moved protectively beside her. Neither of us were in armor or had weapons, so that added another shitty element to the whole thing.

She shook her head, eyes locked on the growing distortion. "No—wait! That’s not a monster portal. That’s a transit portal, like mine!"

The tear expanded rapidly, forming an oval big enough for a person. Purple energy crackled and surged around its edges, sure enough, identical in shape and size to the one that had delivered Elsa.