My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

It was probably the awkwardest lunch I've ever had. Had this been the typical family reunion running its typical course, sharing a hearty meal with my sister once more after many months apart should have been the highlight of the day.

Well, I suppose it still was that… if only for all the wrong reasons. 

Her favorite food before her, cooked to a degree that even the most hardened of chefs could only dare hope to achieve, and instead of wolfing it all down the way she does when Mom was around, she was taking small pint-sized bites as if taking any more than the tiniest slice would somehow poison her or something.

"Lady Samantha," Ash was hovering close by, taking quick peeks, darting fast glances, her hands gripping tight at her apron, forming creasing mounds. "I hope dearly it is to your liking. If… if for some reason, I did not satisfy, then please do not bother yourself to - "

"It's nice," Sammy said quickly with an even quicker smile, before disappearing as quickly as it had formed, as she stabbed another juicy slice with her fork. "Delicious, yes." 

"Ah, that's relieving to hear," She smiled a genuine smile. For reasons well-founded, Ash had wrapped her voice in this heavy extra layer of fuzziness that reminded me of all things cute and utterly precious. "Please, do let me know if there's anything else I can do to further better your experience." 

Like a janky bug-riddled robot being queried, Sammy stiffly nodded back, beeping and booping, "Okay, yes." 

Two-word responses was very unusual behavior for the usually snotty little princess. She wasn't on her phone either, which was even more unusual. Like Ash, and like me, those blue eyes of hers simply wandered from left to right. 

If I recall right, I remembered seeing Ash cooking portions for a meal of three… strange how all of a sudden there were only enough for Sammy and me to eat, while Ash was left standing by the tableside, squirming and fidgeting in place like a waitress on her very first day.

Ultimately, I decided against mentioning this thought of mine out loud and continued chewing silently away. Sammy, however, her gaze lingering at her waiter, seemingly thought differently. 

"You're not gonna eat?" 

It was clear outright from the start Ash had prepared herself for a multitude of requests and inquiries to be asked of her. It was also clear outright that this was not one of them.

She defaulted to her usual kind smile. "I, um… I've partaken earlier in a simple meal, long before your arrival even. Rest assured, Lady Samantha, I've had my fill." 

"I saw you cooking for three though. What, uh... happened to the other one?" 

"Oh no, please, that was simply…" Ash paused, searching silently and desperately for that 'simply'. "A reserve, yes. In the unlikely event your hunger proves too great to be satisfied with only a single serving." 

"Alright, so, in the event that I don't have a huge appetite, after all..." Sammy said, glancing narrowed eyes at her. "Who's steak is that gonna end up being?" 

And just like that, the role of the janky robot has been overturned. Two-word answers spoken stiff, Ash said, "Not... mine…."

At that point, it was damn hard to just keep chewing on the same piece of meat, eventually, I swallowed, I spoke, smirking, "Have a seat with us, Ash."

"No!" Ash whirled panic-stricken eyes at me. "I mean - it is not necessary. I am just fine. I am more than content simply as I am. Truly, Master… I am just - "

"Master?" Sammy's silverware dropped with a clatter, as did her jaw. "Wha - wait, Master? You call him Master?"

Oh, boy…

"Uh, yeah, about that, Sammy," I began, only to abruptly end by the piercing glare that snapped towards me.

"I'm not asking you," said scary sister Sammy sweetly smiling. "Ash, hey," she called out to her so casually, her fear of Elves seemingly having vanished into thin air. "Why do you call my big brother master?" 

Oh, hey, listen to that. Hear that? Those are words, that's a sentence, that's a question! That's exactly what I wanted to hear all this time! Conversation! Great! Awesome! Now if only she'd shut up now, please. Ash don't answer that.

Ash answered that. "Why, if only for the sole reason that he is indeed my Master." 

"That so now?" Sammy slammed both elbows atop the table, scooting and scraping her chair closer to her. "Do you call him that all the time? Never anything else? Not even his name?"

"Master is my Master," Ash replied, too stunned by Sammy's sudden burst of boldness to even say anything else. "To me, he can be nothing else." 

"Oh, so, you call him that, even when you're in bed too?" 

"Oi..." I tried interjecting again, only to be hushed and shh-ed back into submission. 

"In every and all circumstance," Ash answered, looking so proud and dignified about it. "Master will always be Master."

Sammy was still smiling, but just like the side-glance she just tossed me, it had gone totally ice-cold. "So, in this, um, unique relationship you two have, what does that make you then?"

"Why, I am but his humble lowly servant, of course," said the earnest Elf-Lady, giving all the right answers to all the wrong questions. "At any moment ready to satisfy his every need and desire."

If this was a contest to decide who among us two looked the most dead inside, good look to you finding a fucking winner then. Sammy in particular, started silently at me like she opened up some sort of Pandora's box and was dearly wishing for some sort of Pandora's locksmith right about now.

Satisfied, Sammy took up her knife and fork and again. She sliced off a big chunk and took an even bigger bite. So fast, so quick, back to her usual.

By all rights, I should be glad she was feeling herself again. But again… all for the wrong reasons. So really, should I?

"Big Bro," She stabbed another piece with her fork so hard it skewered through… kinda wish she wasn't looking at me when she did that. "Say what you wanna say."

"It's not a kink thing," I said at once.

"It's a kink thing."

"It's not a kink thing!" 

"What is a kink thing?" asked pure and innocent Ash, a faultless victim caught between the metaphorical crossfire. 

"Maybe I was right in coming here to check on you, after all," Sammy said, her stare empty of any familial recognition. "If only for all the wrong reasons." 

"Sammy, you can either believe your brother's a pig, or you can assume that what you've heard from her it's just a simple Elf custom, which should have been the case in the first place by the way!"

She took a moment to weigh her options, before a faint smile showed on her expression.

"Is it too much to ask for both?" 

I didn't return it. "Is it too much to ask for you to still have faith in your big brother?" 

"I dunno, do you trust the murderer with the knife in his hands?" Sammy turned back to the still dumbfounded Ash, all sense of apprehension, hesitation, replaced by this unknown vendetta of source unknown. "You know what, my brother's right, why don't you sit and have lunch with us, Ash?" 

"Oh, Lady Samantha," Ash backed away. "I'm afraid I - "

"No, no," Sammy kicked the empty chair that was closest to her seat outwards. "Come on, better my experience, alright?" She gave me a glance from the corner of her eyes, smirked at me from the corner of her lips. "I wanna know all about how my big brother's been doing, having all his needs and all his desires met by you." 

Ash's ears twitched, and at a loss for the abrupt change of events, her eyes sought at me for aid… because yeah, it's not like I'm also trying to figure what the hell just happened here, and how in a single minute, and a few misguided words, I've turned from normal guy to sexual deviant real quick.

"V-Very well, if it's no trouble…" Ash finally replied, bowing once, before skirting off into the kitchen to presumably retrieve that extra she's got hidden somewhere.

"You're a nosy little headache, aren't you?" I asked her, settling down my knife and fork to slump in my seat. "So? What else are you gonna ask her that you're going to purposefully misconstrue?"

"What?" She said, feigning an innocence so pure and sweet. "A little sister can't know more about her brother's new girlfriend… or girlfriendssss with an 'ssss' at the end of it if Tyler's video is to be believed?"

"Barely five minutes ago you were utterly terrified of her." 

"Yeah, duh, still am by the way," Sammy slanted her head. "But weren't you the one that said to get to know her? And by extension, the rest of them too?" 

"But not like this!" I said, trying my best to rub the exasperation from my head. "Not for this reason!"

"Does it even matter what the reason is?" She began to dig in again, this time no longer in nibbles and little bites, her mouth was opening up as she gradually opened up. "Either way, right? I'm still getting to know her." 

"What kind of questions do you even have for her?" 

Sammy chewed on her meat for a bit, before wolfing it down in less than a second. "You guys had sex yet?" 

I don't even anymore.