My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

Reassurance couldn't just come out of empty words. That's what I thought to myself, thinking there… sitting there, still doing the thing that continues to keep pissing her off to no end. 

"Oh my Jesus, just tell me I'm losing it already, please!" 

I don't doubt the more riled up she gets, in a few more moments, I'm gonna be sweeping up the shattered remains of the dining table. If I don't wanna end up pulling splinters out of my fingertips, I'm gonna have to say something real soon.

"Ah, yeah, you're totally psycho, Sammy," I said, raising my cup, adding on before I took a sip. "But we both already know that about yourself, so why bother?" 

"Not like that!" She snapped, scrunching her face so tight that her skin was nothing but crinkles and wrinkles. "You're not, why are you not -? Why are you like - brushing it off?" 

"I thought you wanted me to brush it off."

"I do!" She nodded earnestly, then immediately right after, shook her head just as earnestly. "But I don't!"

When I gave her a bewildered look, she flared her nostrils so aggressively I thought my sister was about to turn dragon on me at any moment.

"I do, but I don't, alright?" Sammy repeated. "You know what I mean, okay? You know what I want you to say, so just say it!"

Selfish girl, greedy girl, close-minded girl, inconsiderate girl. I placed my mug back down, lips moist… about to show this all-in-one-girl what it's all about.

"So my little sister shows up at my front door literally out of thin air, starts spouting nonsense about visions and premonitions most foul, accuses her big brother of being very foul because gut feeling says so… and now, all this in mind, my mind especially, you want me to say what to that exactly?"

I tried to put her in my shoes, tie up the laces, have her walk a few steps… but sadly, I don't think they managed to even fit her size one bit.

She made a high-pitch noise that sounded like something between a whine and a scream. All I knew was that it strongly reminded me of a child stamping her foot cause she didn't get no ice-cream after dinner, even though she didn't finish eating her veggies.

Eat your veggies, Sammy.

"Just say that you're not foul," Sammy exclaimed. "Why is that so hard all of a sudden?" 

"And then what?" I asked her, narrowing my eyes at her. "If I tell you that you are dead wrong, which you so obviously are anyway - that I'm not evil, that I'm not gonna destroy the whole world - you're really just gonna turn yourself right back around towards the front door and leave?" 

Almost at once, she stilled herself. "Well, not exactly…" 

I pressed further. "You'll feel much, much better? Tell yourself those dreams were just dreams, after all? I mean that's what they are, right? That's what you want me to tell you they are, right? Just silly dreams from a person acting very silly." 

"Well…" 

"Everything's all fine and dandy, Sammy. Your big brother is an angel who gives to the homeless, and adopts stray cats. Oh yeah, I have a cat now too, his name's - "

"Stop patronizing me," She said, shooting me a glare that was as menacing as a kitten giving a hiss. 

"Then stop asking me to patronize you," I told her at once. "You've made up your mind, you got your suitcase packed, you're here now - why not see for yourself if I am what you think I am like you've already planned, instead of relying on assurances that you'll be side-eyeing all the while I'm giving them to you?" 

"Wha - I don't think you're evil!" Sammy's chair gave another screech again, louder this time, as she shot instantly upward, the scowl in her eyes so eerily reminiscent of Mom's righteous fury. "I never said that I think you are! Don't - don't misunderstand me, alright? Don't do that!" 

"Alright, alright," I raised both hands up, fanning them at her like I was trying to extinguish a wildfire that's gotten too intense all of a sudden. "You don't think I'm evil, understood."

"Yeah, you're too much of an idiot to be intentionally evil," She said, settling herself back down to a calmer level. "How anyone can even think that is beyond me." 

"Hear you loud and clear, Sammy," I said, taking her kick in the balls in stride if it helps not wake the vampire that's tossing and turning in the corner of my eye. "Whatever you say." 

Thankfully, a long moment of quiet came right after our engagement. We both sat there silently, finishing our drinks, the topic still clearly weighing heavy on both our minds. 

Once there was not even a drip of brown swirling the bottom of our mugs, I got up from my seat, giving her a smile like all was well and fine… as it should rightfully be.

"Come," I urged her on. "If you're seriously going to be keeping an eye on what I do in my downtime in-between my attempts at world decimation, you're gonna need a place to sleep." 

"I have my own room?" She stood up from her seat with an expression on her face of genuine surprise. "Really? You're not kidding?" 

I guess in her mind she was still used to country living where ten paces anywhere in a room would get you bashing headfirst into a wall. Just wait till she finds out that in hers alone, she could walk an easy twenty. 

"Yeah, you do," I snorted, amused. "Actually I'd very much love to give you the couch instead, but sadly it's already occupied."

She didn't say anything on the journey up the stairs, but I could very much tell she was pulling faces behind me, but of course, when I turned a glance back at her, there was nothing there in front of me but a sweet angelic smile that was clearly far from being divine. 

We got all the way to the foot of the second-floor hallway before we parted ways. Sammy, ever the very embodiment of independence that she was, stated outright that I didn't have to hound her the rest of the way, and could manage just fine on her own if I only just kindly pointed the finger.

So after fixating her sights on the closed doorway on the far end of the hall, she began making her way towards it, the faint rumble of magical autonomous wheels trailing close behind her. 

Guess I'll give her time to settle into her new surroundings, then maybe later we'll play catch up, talk? I don't know yet, we'll see… but in the meantime, she's given me a lot of things to think about. 

Without any reasons prompting me to, I walked into my room, closed the door, and began doing my best Irene impression by pacing about… all the while Mr. Black curled up by the bed slowly drifted a pair of lazy eyes side by side as I pondered left, and then contemplated right.

Me? In her visions? Evil me? Stupid, silly, obviously doesn't mean anything. How could I be bad? Everything I've done thus far has been the very antithesis of the word. Yeah, it doesn't make sense… obviously Sammy's smelling smoke when there's not even a fire in sight.

And yet why am I so bothered by it? I mean, who's to say visions are even accurate? Why, just because my mother was once a walking calamity, the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree? Then what does that make my father, huh? 

Even after I realized I could use magic, sure once or twice I've used them to make my life more convenient, but I've never once thought to use them for more than just conveniences, so having Sammy here vaguely suggesting otherwise… it's throwing me off, man.

I mean, whatever, it's like she said - she doesn't even know herself what it means. It's all just got gut-feeling, a hunch, it doesn't mean she has to be right… and yet, all the same, it doesn't mean she has to be wrong either.

Ah, fuck it. Action speaks louder than words - so all I have to do is act louder than those baseless words could be spoken, then by the end of this fiasco, we'll see just how bad I can truly be. 

Oh yeah, shit… I should give everyone else a heads-up, shouldn't I? After days worth of anticipation, my dear little sister Sammy has come to town. 

I decided first with Irene, shooting her a short and quick text message that she'll no doubt only read like half a day after before moving on to Amanda who promptly responded back with a lousy photoshop image of a noose with her head around it. Pretty nice.

When I got around to Ash, barely a second had passed after I sent the text before my phone began to vibrate violently in my hand - and just feeling the ripple in my palms, I could somehow sense the frantic urgency behind that call already.

And indeed, as I rose the phone to my ear, before I could even say a single word - 

"Master!" Ash's voice, while always without exception very welcome, seriously needed reining back that doom and gloom tone. "Is what you've inscribed in your letter really as is? Truly, has your sister stepped forward through our doorstep? Has she really arrived unannounced, unexpected, and so soon?" 

So many questions, and only one answer to them all. Calmly, casually, I said, "Yes." 

I heard her breathe in, and I swear, I thought she actually fainted for a second there. "Oh, by the Divines…" 

"Relax, Ash," I said. "I know you wanna make a good impression, but you're fine. I know she'll like you. What's there to worry about?" 

"Her room, Master," She responded, her words a jumble of nerves. "Why, I've only swept and dusted it twice this morning! It's third, it's fourth, and I've yet to arrange the bed according to her preferences! Oh, Master, what if she disapproves?" 

Seriously, this Elf's aspiration for complete and utter perfection is going to be the death of her. "You're doing it again, Ash. Remember, Sammy being here, it's like any other day. It's all normal." 

"Yes, but -!"

"No buts!" I cut her off. "She's been here half an hour, no complaints about the house. She didn't complain once about how you cleaned it, so far so good. And as for the guest room, if she really didn't like how you did it, then she would have kicked down my door right about now and start moaning about how terrible a job you've - "

My door burst open. So sudden, so abrupt, it stunned me to a quiet. Then a second later, like a she-devil hearing her name uttered in evoking whisper, Sammy stepped inside, glanced at me once - phone held to my head, a dumbfounded look on my face - before she continued walking deeper inside the place, her magic trolley following in her every pace. 

What the…

"Um," the speaker droned weakly, static buzzing with concern. "Is something amiss, Master?"