My Servant Is An Elf Knight From Another World

When I got to the part about reaching the motel where Irene cooped herself up in, Ria stared at me indifferent.

When I got around to telling her the things that happened in quick succession after knocking upon her door, Ria stared at me fuming.

When the details eventually got to the point where things proved a little too hot and steamy to describe, Ria stared at me seething.

Like a boiling broth spilling over from the heat of a thousand suns. I'm so glad this wasn't reality, 'cause otherwise, I fear that global warming would get a whole lot more than just 'warm'.

Every second was an eternity, and every minute even more, by the time I finally caught her up to speed with all the events that transpired up until present time - I might actually have a full-on wizened wizard's beard on my face by the time I wake up.

And for all my efforts of summarizing everything as eloquently as I could, what did I get in return?

A glare, a frown, and overall a very moody phoenix. 

"I don't believe you," She said at once.

Frankly, I don't believe me either. But that's just the way the cookie crumbles.

"It's more like I don't wanna believe you but I have to believe you regardless," Ria elaborated, pouty-faced. "It's the lack of choice in the matter that pisses me off! Where are my rights?! Where's my say? My attorney?!"

"Gone the moment you chose a good night's sleep over the real world," I said.

"It's an injustice!" She continued to spout, hot flames spurting from every hard stomp of her feet. "You say she's fallen in love - but how could she have when I wasn't even there for it?! I had to have been there for it, I made a promise to myself that I'll be there for it!"

Somewhere between furiously pacing and hurriedly whispering, she found the time to focus all that energy back onto me, staring wide and staring wild, "I blame you, this is your fault!" 

At this point, I'm far past the point of being shocked at all, even as wagged her finger all up in my face, I could only raise a brow. "How do you figure?" 

"Well, you're the Prince Charming, aren't you?" She said, her tone so madly filled with jeer. "The Loverboy? The Succubus Killer? The Chaddest of Chads that's ever Chad?"

"Some random guy with luck indescribable?" I suggested.

"Whatever you are, she wants it bad! And she also clearly wants IT bad too." 

"So vulgar."

"You're vulgar!" She sniped at me. "Getting into the pants of one mythical being ain't enough for you, you just have to go and try and bone another too? You might as well get it on with me too while you're at it, huh? I'm a woman too! I'm pretty too! Why stop at two - three's a crowd, after all!" 

"I think you're overreacting slightly."

"You think? Do you really think so? Oh, you think?!" 

For like another eternity's worth of time things stayed like that - her going through the stages of denial in a less than graceful fashion while I just stood by the wayside doing the best I could to not incur her wrath with any sudden movements that might draw her attention. 

Better she funnels all that aggression towards the empty expansive white, I might be a good punching bag… but I'm a punching bag with feelings. Have a heart, man.

Eventually, she did settle down enough to ask a question without any of the vitriol from before, "So, Mr. Harem Conquest Man Of The Planet Playboy..."

"Yep, that's my real name, alright," I sighed. "Don't wear it out." 

"You say the date's tomorrow evening?" 

I nodded my head.

"She booked the place and everything?"

"Asked for my favorite color too," I replied, shrugging my shoulders. "Whatever the hell that means."

"That's when you both plan on getting rid of this pact," She inched closer, both her brows veiled under the fringes of her hair. "And eventually later on, also losing something else too?"

I looked elsewhere. "If, uh… if all goes to plan, uh, yes, that is the plan..."

"Uh-huh," She went to where my eyes drifted, giving no chance for my gaze to ever leave hers. "Okay, then… so tell me, what does your previous girlfriend have to say about the whole thing?"

Not even the densest entity in the universe could miss who exactly she was referring to.

"She, well…" I looked elsewhere once again, it made it easier to say it. "Ash doesn't know about it."

"You haven't told her."

"I'm going to tell her!" 

"Mmm, and I'm sure she'll love hearing that, won't she?" Ria started walking circles around me. "But, it's whatever, right? You aren't even a couple anyway - at the end of the day, you're her master and she's your knight. What right does she have to care about who you do things with late at night?"

"I didn't just almost die to get here just for you to get all holier-than-thou on me," I said dully.

"No, you come here for the boring stuff," She retorted back. "Which brings me to my next question - what the hell do you think you're doing here?!"

The sudden rise in volume had me snapping my eyes back at hers again, blinking confused blinks as her gaze pierced through me.

"Waking you up?" I said, almost doubting myself in the process. "Didn't we already establish you wanted to wake your real-counterpart up too?"

"But tonight of all nights?!" She exclaimed even louder. "You have a date in less than twenty-four hours, and you decide to spend at least eight of it having a sleep party with me?!"

I stood gobsmacked. "The hell else was I gonna do with those eight hours? I'll be asleep either way." 

"Yes, but you don't need me on your mind right now! I show you more of me now, you're going to wake up thinking more of me, because that's just how you are! You'll be distracted, you'll be asking questions - there won't be any time for any romance because you'd be too hung up over me."

"And if I skip a day, I'd just end up thinking of you even more anyway," I fired back. "Lose-lose, either way. Am I right? Cause like you said, that's just how I am."

This time Ria didn't immediately strike back with a counterpoint, for the first time… we were in agreement with something I said, nodding her head glumly, and then shaking it even glummer, "I'm on your mind so much, it's a wonder you haven't fallen in love with me instead."

"How could I?" I said to her flatly. "The things I'm doing for you now, you're too much trouble than you're worth."

"Exactly my point," She said, jutting her finger at me. "Look at you now - still doing those said things. You either love me, or you aren't even aware that you love me." 

"Just…" I gave my forehead a vigorous stroking. "Look, just tell me what I can do to make this dinner date a success, alright?"

"You don't need me for this," Ria said, slanting her brows. "This is beneath the Love Detective. See, having a dinner date with a succubus is as easy it gets, because she's both the dinner and the date! Just enjoy your meal… both of them."

"But -"

"But what? She's already head over heels for you - just pretend you are too."

"I'm supposed to make it real to her."

"Then make it real to her," Ria said gruelingly. "If you really feel the same, it'll be real to you too." 

"And how about Ash?"

She didn't directly answer that one. "Even Love Detectives have their unsolved cases. That's your mystery to deal with, bucko. Just remember, to her you're no lover… just an awfully naive and kind Master. She won't see you as you see her."

The one thing I really needed advice for, and even she was shrugging her shoulders at it. 

"Okay, you know what?" Ria suddenly proclaimed. "I have an idea - two birds with one stone. You'll get to think of both Irene and me at the same time. How do you like that?"

It was a very bemusing proclamation too. Before I could ask, Ria was lying herself down onto the floor, motioning in a hurry to do the same. Moments later, we were back into our memory-delving positions - her eyes firmly shut… and mine still puzzled wide open.

"What memory are you taking me to?"

"Oh you know," She said with a smirk. "Just a little something you could use for an icebreaker on a date, nothing that special, really…"

"Nothing that special? Isn't the main point of scouring through your memories to look for all the special ones?"

"Fine! It's a super special amazing one, then! Just close your eyes, already. I know you still have them open."

There was silence as I cleared my mind, sharpened it, then focused it… letting it slowly, gradually enter hers. It was only my second time doing this, but I was getting the hang of it.

The feelings of drowsiness came in a matter of seconds.

Then, suddenly, behind the darkness of closed eyelids, Ria's voice spoke aloud, "You like kids?"

I answered only briefly, keeping my eyes shut, "No opinion."

Her chuckle felt louder when you couldn't see her. "That might change after this one. You'll be waking up finding them absolutely adorable."

Again, I spoke short, "Why?"

Before everything faded, before the deluge of memories overwhelmed my mind - I heard her voice again, very much amused.

"Because no one can resist my little baby Ruria."