My Pick Up Artist System

3 days to live.

"Welllll~ the points start coming and they don't stop coming~

Fed to the sluts and I hit the ground cummin'~

Didn't make sense not to live for pum~

Your d*ck gets jerked but your head gets numb~"

This was Ben's reimagining of "All Star" by Smash Mouth. It was his victory song he composed in his sleep, an ode to the joy of getting nuts off and collecting achievements…

Fariq wasn't home now so Ben was alone in his room, sitting on his bed and going through yesterday's results.

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Hide and Skeet (uncommon) - Use environmental cover to set up a seduction opportunity]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

"All those hours in X-COM paid off…"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Post-Apocalyptic Currency(repeatable, uncommon) - Get a handjob from a new woman to completion]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

"It's better than eating each other…"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Domestically Challenged Hobosexual(fine) - Attain a repeatable achievement for a sex act in public]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]

"Home is where the c*ck is..."

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Exploring the Great Outwhores(fine) - Attain a repeatable achievement for a sex act outdoors]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]

"Technically, it was a mother-daughter handjob if you include mother nature…"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Cuckmaster Chief of Netori(repeatable, fine) - Attain a repeatable achievement for a sex act with a new woman in an ongoing relationship]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]

"It's nice to know that's repeatable...Reading it like this though, I do feel bad. The poor guy is in the hospital, after all. I'll send him a get well green hat… /s"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Brokeass Dungeon Slayer(repeatable, fine) - Attain a repeatable achievement on a new dungeon character of at least mini-boss status]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]

'What does my wealth matter? To become an adventurer, all you need is a plan in your brains and courage in your hearts…' Ben already considered himself to have a secondary nervous system: his penis(brain 2) and testicles(hearts 2 and 3).

Even though the system didn't give him a dungeon event yesterday, it still classified Lia as a mini-boss because she was promoting there.

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Free Semen Samples(uncommon) - Have a woman taste your sperm…by choice]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 200]

"Free samples here! Cum...get your free samples!"

[Congratulations! You've unlocked the Achievement: Bird-Style Aberdeen Snowball(fine) - Have a woman taste your free semen sample, then kiss an unknowing third party]

[Distributing reward: PUA Points + 500]

Ben shook his head. 'Women are savage… One day, some woman's going to suck off a bat and start a pandemic this way…'

Ben's imagination sometimes got the best of him…

Besides for achievements, he even got a natural stat bump last night.

[Seduction skills: 4 - If you could reincarnate to middle school, you might be able to keep your girlfriend Marie from cheating on you with Hector Lombardo]

"Marie did?!? That whore!"

Ben took a few seconds to digest this unexpected news. It felt like being nut-punched through the fabric of spacetime…

Then, he realized he was becoming upset from the infidelities of a 13 year old…

After slapping himself in the face several times, he moved on with his life. 'I'll show them both…' He mostly moved on….

There was another notification besides for the usual achievements and stat points.

[Challenge conditions met]

[Challenge initiated]

[Special Challenge: Booty Burglar- Steal a woman from another male, ending their relationship. Target: Lia]

[Reward: Mid Level Stat Growth Multiplier(Consumable, Rare, Random) x1]

[Punishment: None]

'So last night wasn't enough to steal her. Seems I'm left with no choice…since the reward is too enticing. It's just business, not personal…ok, it's personal… Booty Burglar on it!'

Finished browsing the old system notifications, Ben looked at his total points in the system. "Wow, that's a lot…"

5350 points! With all the achievements he earned last night, he was rich again! "I wonder if the store has something new…"

It surprised him before when the store didn't add something new at 4800 points. Now at the nice round number of 5000, he hoped that would change. He opened the store to take a look…and received a pleasant surprise! There was a new item!

[High Level Mystery Box: 5000 points - Contains a random item anywhere from uncommon to legendary grade]

"Legendary!" Ben shot up from his bed! He'd only seen one epic item so far, the D*ck Dan Pill, and that turned him from average shmo to Bendingo!

What would a legendary item do? He couldn't imagine it! But he was certain it would make it much easier to clear his death mission in a few days. This high level box looked so good!

First, getting rid of the useless common items was a huge help. Uncommon was much better. Most of the uncommon items he'd received were useful in various ways, and that was only the worst level of loot. Second, Ben believed that an increase from 1000 to 5000 hinted how valuable a legendary item was. The system was cold-hearted and mean, but so far, it had been fair. He believed a 5x increase in points would mean a 5x increase in average quality.

However, after his initial excitement, Ben calmed down. Now, instead of smiling, his face became stern, because he ran into a conflict. He had a very tough choice now.

Choose one high level box with a possible legendary item?

Or five mid level boxes?

As for the low levels, they seemed to drop a lot of stat growth multipliers, which weren't useful in the short term, so they were out.

If he chose the high, and received an uncommon or even a fine item, it would be a tremendous loss…

If he chose the five mids, he'd likely get some crap and 2-3 useful items, like in his last draw. Even then, they might not be useful enough to help him close within 3 days...

High level or mid level? Ben was tearing at his hair. He didn't know which to choose!

------

*Author's note: Which would you choose? Share your thoughts in the comments.