My Pick Up Artist System

What was the perfect set? For the four whoresmen...it's always been one thing, and one thing only—mythical…drunk…sluts…

In a 4v4 at the bar between the Fracking Crew and the four beauties, Ben's eyes glowed as he stared at the status screen of his target.

[Target's current attraction level: attracted(+2 slut bonus)(+2 drunk bonus)]

[Target's current comfort level: invalid(drunk status)]

Swallowing, he couldn't help but grin, as a tune started up in his head…

'I like…drunk…sluts and I can not lie!

You other brothers can't deny!

That when a girl walks in and is slurrin' in your face

You try to take her to your place

Plus I'm hung! Gonna do her rough

'Cause I noticed she won't shut up

Like alcohol she's smellin'

I'm desperate and can't bother carin'

Oh baby, I want to get wit'cha

Cause you had a pitcher

My homeboys tried to warn me

Don't let her drink more (or you'll need an attorney!)

Oh, that's breath-of-gin

You say you even have drunk friends?

Well, ask me, yes please!

As long as they don't act too loopy

I've seen her dancin'

Though more like drunk prancin'

She's sweat, wet

Spilled a drink smokin' a cigarette

I'm tired of opening

Sayin' grindin' is the thing

Take any PUA and ask him that

Better she drink a six-pack

So Frackers (yea!) Frackers (yea!)

Are these girls now drunk enough? (hell yeah!)

Tell em don't drink it (drink it) drink it (drink it)

If she drinks too much

Baby out black."

…

It was of course, "Baby Got Back" by civil rights leader…Sir Mix-a-Lot…

…

With the song/plan completed…Ben continued chatting up his girl, and not a minute later, Antonio stepped over to him and whispered into his ear. "These f*ckers wanna f*ck."

...

Then he pulled back, and they locked gazes, as Antonio's eyes transmitted his genuine message. 'You have my sword.'

…

Ben glanced at Chuck, who nodded at him. 'And you have my bow…'

…

Then, Ben looked at Beluga who's face became firm. 'And my axe…'

For the last step, Ben turned back to Chuck, who was cringing at the corniness of the dialogue while glancing into Ben's eyes, like he was doing a fourth wall break camera-glance in the style of The Office…

However, Chuck was only roleplaying what Legolas did in that scene of LOTR. Seriously, Ben didn't believe it himself until someone told him that and he YouTubed it. Now, whenever he watched the Council of Elrond scene, he could never unsee it…

After they formed the Fellowship of the Dingus…Beluga walked over to Ben, and whispered, "We'll take my car and get these females back to my house. My mother is visiting her sister for the week. It'll be ideal."

Ben nodded, satisfied with the plan. When Beluga returned to his girl though, and was about to pitch the extraction idea to her, Ben noticed something odd. One of the bouncers of Latrine was standing near their group. With his arm up, he pointed down towards their girls. At the same time, his head faced backward to another part of the club: an extravagant elevated platform roped off from the rest of the dancefloor.

Over there, Ben saw a tall, good-looking man covered in jewelry with a bottle of champagne in his hand, chuckling as he held a thumb up to the bouncer. He wasn't alone either. His group consisted of twenty men of similar ages and styles, decked out in expensive clothes, and surrounded by women and tables covered with liquor bottles. They were having quite the party.

Receiving confirmation, the bouncer moved towards the girls Ben was with and spoke to them. "Ladies, you've been invited to the VIP. Please follow me."

The girls exchanged glances, and then...

"Woooo!" Laughing and howling, the four drunk beauties took their drinks and prepared to leave. Seeing this, Beluga was about to step forward and say something, but then he noticed the massive meat-mountain of a bouncer glaring at him, along with another one not far behind him ready to come in as backup. Watching this, Beluga made the wise move of not doing anything. He knew what was occurring here.

However, Ben didn't. With an annoyed expression, he stepped towards Beluga. "What the hell just happened?"

Shaking his head in frustration, Beluga replied, "Look over there." He pointed to the VIP section where those guys were, right as one of the men passed cash into the hand of the bouncer, who opened the ropes to let the girls up. Observing this, Beluga sighed. "Guys in VIP sometimes do that. They don't even have to approach girls. They just throw the bouncers some cash and they do the work for them. The females never refuse either, since VIP is like crack for them…free drinks and status all night."

Ben knitted his brows. "Then why don't we get VIP?"

Stepping over, Antonio sneered. "Cuz, you know what that area is? That's the best, highest-end section of the most exclusive night club in New York City. It even has its own name. It was hard enough to get into Latrine, and now, you want to get into Outhouse?!?"

…

Ben didn't know what to say. "Why not?"

Cringing, Antonio replied. "Sure, we can get into that VIP. I think the minimum there is 3k. Do you wanna pay for that?"

Ben's eyes twitched. "I'll…pay you back?"

"No, you wont..." Antonio wasn't so silly. Ben still owed him 5 bucks from a bet they made racing ants when they were 6. He never forgot that bet...and every year, he even noted down the adjustment from interest...

…

Ben shrugged. "Then, we can sneak in?"

Beluga shut that idea down too though. "There's no point sneaking in. Not only will it probably not work, but if you don't buy a table, it's useless to be there because everything circulates around the liquor at the tables."

"What about our preciouses, though?" Ben would jump into a volcano to get one finger in that ring...

"Our what?" Chuck squinted, not understanding the reference. After all, the entire Fellowship scene from earlier was only part of Ben's imagination/mental illness…

Antonio understood though. "He's was referencin' The Lord of the Rings. Precious was a nickname for the One Ring in the movies. In this case, when Ben said preciouses, he was referring to those chicks' vaginas…"

Finishing the explanation, Antonio glanced at Ben for confirmation, and realized he missed something. "Or buttholes."

…

Now, the reference was complete…

Despite that accomplishment though, it didn't change the fact that their dream set was gone, making everyone there show expressions from the various stages of grief...

Beluga wasn't one to stay down for long though. If something interfered with his reality, he made sure to reinforce his confidence and mental well-being. In this situation, by dragging others through the mud. "They were gold-diggers…no loss…"

"So we're just going to give up?" Ben was unwilling.

"Nothing we can do. We need to move on. It doesn't matter anyway, look around. There are plenty of fema—" Beluga's words cut off when he gazed around himself and recognized a new dilemma—where were all the women?!?

All the girls disappeared!

While they focused on their set and the process of them getting pulled away, somehow, the dynamics of the club changed! It was now kielbasa country!

…

As all four of them gazed around in bewilderment, one by one, they came to a realization, and looked over to the VIP area. That's when they learned where all the women went, as they watched the bouncers hustling back and forth to the area with groups of girls, transferring resources like they were villagers in Age of Empires…

Outhouse...was full of girls! It was 200 girls, 1 outhouse!

...

The twenty guys had the entire VIP section on lockdown, living large as the waitresses delivered bottle after bottle to their area, leading to the women not having any reason to leave. As for the bouncers, they kept going out on their search lines, rotating as they dropped off girls and picked up their cash tips like ants following pheromones…

Either way, all this meant one important thing for Ben and the crew—they were f*cked!

"There are so many chicks there but they needed to take ours too?!?" Antonio gnashed his teeth. Those 20 guys would never finish all those women! It was too wasteful! This was simply vaginal extravagance!

...

At this point, the entire club except the VIP was full of guys. With each girl remaining having 10 desperate dudes hitting on her, it became near impossible for anyone to get genuine results. Recognizing this, Beluga was the first to verbalize the unfortunate implication. "We can't get anything else done here. We should go somewhere else…" He was pragmatic, rolling with his punches.

Antonio and Chuck also didn't have any better ideas. So although their expressions were terrible when they thought about having to leave such an amazing spot, there was nothing they could say. Ben also frowned. 'Are we going to just leave like this?'

The Fracking Crew was having a disastrous dilemma. Would they have to abandon their drilling site? Would they have to learn how to become astronauts to go to space, land on an asteroid, and drill inside it to drop a bomb that would blow up said asteroid and save the world from Armageddon?

Would they have to do all that because it was easier to teach drillers how to become astronauts than it was astronauts to become drillers?

Would they?

'No…' The three others might've given up, but Ben—he wasn't willing! 'This can't be the end… I need to find a way out! But…how?'

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*Author's note: A nice long chapter for you all to show my thanks for all your support this week! Also, if you're using fast passes, please at least remember to vote daily. We poor authors get nothing from fast passes, so that at least helps support us a little to keep writing free chapters for you. Thank you!