My Pick Up Artist System

Waiting for the new guests to walk in, Ben crossed his fingers for it to be girls. Desperate for luck, after shifting uncomfortably, even his balls had somehow crossed sides...

That's how much he wanted it...because the occupancy of his dorm room was growing, but the only output of this farm was a fruit called phallus.

...

Ben tried to stay positive. 'Well, it's not too bad...' After all, there were only four guys in his room.

30 minutes later…

THERE WERE TEN F*CKING GUYS IN HIS ROOM!

…

If before, his room was only a banana boat...

Or a Chuck E. Cheese ball pit…

Then now, he'd been directly isekai'd into weiner world by f*ck-kun!

…

Now, it was important to remember that Ben wasn't a mathematician...

On any day of the week, he was more dong mash than John Nash…

Yet! Even he knew it was trouble when the p to v ratio approached infinity!

…

At one point, a guy even showed up with a pie from Domino's, making Ben narrow his eyes. 'So it was them…'

The worst part of it all...these weren't normal guys, but pick up artists!

"Broheem, that earring is the tits!"

"Sick goldfish-shoes dog! Are they alive?"

"I love your body language man! We should double-team a chick tonight!"

…

Ben's expression was...horrific... 

To be fair to the God of this world…Ben knew this was coming. He believed this was an inevitable step for him as the protagonist, to arrive in a place with sexperts as common as clouds…

But why did these clouds rain jizz?

...

Why did they ruin cumbrellas?

…

Lacking the wisdom to gain such enlightenment...Ben approached Beluga, tapping on his shoulder. "So, um…where are the girls?"

The PUAs responded for him.

"Bros before hoes…"

"Pals before gals…"

"Poles before holes…"

"Chicks before d*cks…"

"Breasties before testes..."

There was a debate brewing... Then, one coughed. "The girls will come later."

…

As for Ben, well, he didn't share their optimism… 

He looked at Beluga. "I don't think this is the kind of party that's going to raise my social status."

Antonio cut in. "Cuz, relax. We'll use your room as a home base. It's good to have it kickin' at all times, so a few dudes will chill here, while others go around scooping up chicks and bringing them back. This is a dorm room, right? There should be chicks everywhere. Look at it like fishing."

Ben wasn't sure about that. Rather than a fisherman, he felt more like Tom Hanks in Survivor… On second thought, he was the f*cking volleyball!

…

He sighed. 'Whatever. Let's see what happens. Maybe there'll be some kind of group aura from having so many pick up artists together that'll attract women.'

An hour later…

Ben could hear noise from down the hall; Every few minutes, there came the sounds of screams and slaps!

…

There was a group aura for sure, but it was a debuff aura of death! 

...

All the pick up artists ran around like headless chickens, spam-opening every girl in Ben's dorm!

Sitting on his bed, Ben's face was buried in his hands, because this wasn't a normal party at all... It was closer to a light novel, where demon gates opened all over the city! An acockalypse!

…

Even the system recognized the tragedy!

[Unique conditions detected]

[Special event initiated]

[Special Event: The New York Chorizo Charge of 2019 - Double rewards in the current location for the next 2 hours]

…

A normal person might have sunk into depression at that moment, but Ben was different...he believed he was a protagonist!

He jumped off his bed and ran out like another demented PUA!

He was a shameless protagonist!

It was reasonable though! After all, the rewards doubled! What was the concept of doubling? It was the difference between one woman and two! 

Hello?!? That was enough!

As for self-respect, Ben didn't need it! What was that anyway? Could you eat it? Could you f*ck it? No! He tried already!

Only points were truth! Points were love! Points were life!

However...it wouldn't be so easy. Any girls roaming the halls or public areas already ate at least one opener from a PUA and kept their guards up. Some were even 50% full on their vomit bars…

They were like vampires with a night bonus...but Ben kept a stake close to his hearts...

The computer room, the lobby, even the laundry room! He checked everywhere! Yet, even when he found a girl, his opener didn't stick. 

Things weren't going well. Ben was desperate and he wasn't the only one. Soon, he ran into Antonio, who was making a questionable approach on a big girl with thick dirty dreadlocks… 

Even then, Antonio still failed!

When she left, Ben walked over to him and gazed at him as if looking at a legend. "Did you just try to romance Cthulhu?"

…

He did, and he failed, but the other PUAs weren't scoring either.

"All these chicks are player hatresses man, player hatresses!"

"Don't quit! You only need one girl! Never leave a mammary behind!

"Whatever bro, they may have left us with smurf sacks…but these girls aren't in perfect condition either. They're gonna get blue-walls!"

…

The PUAS were thinking in terms of damaging their own nutsacks 800 and the enemy's walls 1000...

…

With time running out on his system event, Ben knew he needed to come up with something if he wanted to take advantage of the doubled points. That's when he remembered his secret weapon! His Divine Line Generator! The skill should've refreshed by now!

Not many good prospects remained in the dorm though. So, when he ran into a slightly chubby, but cute girl who was around a 6, he thought it was a decent opportunity. Although she was below his usual standards, with the event active, it was all about keeping the balls holing.

...

Planning to approach her, Ben used his skill.

[Divine Line Generator Activated]

[Uses remaining: 0]

[Time till refresh: 23:59:57]

Now, he only needed to choose the right line to open her with.

[A: Hey, I'm having a get-together. Do you want to stop by?]

Ben nodded. 'This one seems reasonable…'

[B: I have alcohol]

'...Who just walks up to a stranger and says that?' One of the PUAs did bring alcohol and leave it in his dorm room but Ben shook his head.

[C: You don't sweat much for a fat chick]

…

He was patient. Before judging the line, he took a closer look at her...

'It's true...' 

Despite that, he didn't think it would help him any. 'I doubt she's looking for a physical...I better keep it simple.'

Option A seemed the most reasonable to Ben so he approached the girl and tried it. "Hey, I'm having a get together here. You want to come by?"

When she heard him, the girl raised her chin, looked down her nose at him, and snorted. "Like I have time for that…" Then, as she turned away and began to strut into the distance, she raised her arm, as if an empress saluting her people. "I'm off!"

…

"What the hell?" Ben found her reaction...weird, but he didn't have time to dwell on it. He looked at the system screen in the air as it clarified that he chose wrong; Option A disappeared. As for the right answer…

[B: I have alcohol]

…

Ben facepalmed. He forgot that college students were synonymous with alcoholics…