My Pick Up Artist System

Forgetting he just had a tiring sex session, Ben jogged to his house late at night like an idiot, and arrived home exhausted...

Instead of counting his points, he fell into bed and counted sheep…even forgetting to brush his teeth, using his sleep as meditation to cultivate doodoo breath…

…

The next morning, Ben awoke from an interesting dream. In it, he was reborn in a special world with his memories intact and a superpower. His ability...was that everyone else only had one brain cell…and he, the world's chosen one…was blessed with two…

A dual-talent divine being...

Yes, this world was very "special" indeed…

It was like modern Earth, but different, because some divine DJ mixed up reality… The effect was that every piece of trash trivia in Ben's brain didn't exist in this society, and neither did their copyrights... 

It made them invaluable, allowing Ben to live life on cheat codes. He took credit for everything, women threw themselves at him, and he held his head high with genuine pride... He was the greatest genius ever...

Thus, Ben realized the most comfortable life was to live like an alcoholic alchemist transmuting sh*t into gold…a life where he avoided being burdened by the divine difficulty...of having an original thought... 

It was heaven...until his great rival emerged.

In the dream's climax, Ben ran into his destined antagonist, mankind's greatest prodigy! A peak human!

It was a man who also possessed two brain cells!

...

All of a sudden, Ben's advantage disappeared! This enemy also knew infinite fortune cookie wisdom to turn into gold! 

It was a gold vs. gold showdown! There was too much gold and not enough tuna!

....

However, just when Ben's plot armor fell off because the straps got too old...he discovered something incredible--a new armor underneath!

Little did this rival know, but Ben evolved a new ability…a deus-ex-cockhina third brain cell!

…

Out of nowhere, Ben discovered he possessed the talent to change a few words in every stolen work...and as little as that was, in this world, it made him the most OP being ever! He became humanity's greatest creator! 

It was enough to defeat his rival! To make his parents proud! To slap who he wanted to slap! And to let everyone know that he was the best!

The most important thing...was that it was enough to reach the top of the rankings!

Three brain cells to conquer the whole world!

…

As Ben lied in bed, recalling the dream, he started sweating...as a cold realization struck him…

He became aware…that every wish-fulfillment story he'd ever read or watched, where every detail fell into the perfect place for the protagonist...could only exist in one scenario... They had to be the delusional hallucinations of an "MC" in a mental asylum or on the brink of death…

…

Panting, it took a long time for Ben to recover from this noob dream/veteran's nightmare. Or was it a noob nightmare/veteran's dream?

It was unclear…He didn't know what was reality and what was clown world anymore…

Still, there was one good point he gained from the entire experience. After clearing the map, Ben took away one chosen treasure for his next restart…

It was something he'd composed as the three brain cell Superman...

A divine melody, a paragon of perfection, a real masterstroke...

Ben exhaled to prepare himself to recite it. He didn't dare to make a mistake, because like the top-ranked web novels he'd read, he was certain this would be a classic that scholars would study in the halls of c*ckademia for centuries to come...

It was a reimagining of "Ice Cream" by Blackpink and Selena Gomez!

"Come a little closer 'cause you looking thirsty

I'ma make it better, drop it like a Slurpee

Snowcone willy~

Exclusive? You silly~

Do your motha' hillbilly~

Coochie poppin'? …Ideally~

Even covered in the cum, I'll make you keep it icy~

You could take a lick but it's too cold to bite me~

Brr, brr, frozen~

You're the one been holin'~

Tonight you've been chosen~

Google maps says you closest~

Look so good yeah, look so sweet~

Lookin' good enough to meat~

Coldest with the jizz, so she call me ice king~

Catch me in the fridge, but she needs the sting~

Look so good yeah, look so sweet~

Baby, use my face as a seat~

Coldest with the jizz, so she call me ice king~

Catch me in the fridge, but she needs the sting~

Cold jizz, chillin', chillin'

Cold jizz, chillin'

Cold jizz, chillin', chillin'

Cold jizz, chillin'"

"SHUT UP!"

Struck by a pillow…Ben glanced over to see a grumpy-faced Fariq sitting at his desk.

Ben frowned. "What's the matter?"

"It's too early. Stop singing, Ben!"

Ben narrowed his eyes. "What? Don't tell me you prefer the original?!?"

"I admit yours was better!

"Then couldn't you let me finish the song?!?"

"Don't pretend you had any more!"

…

After making a truce with Fariq, Ben washed his face in the bathroom, then returned to bed, having already forgotten the original dream and all its implications. His novel library remained unchanged...and he planned to continue passing his future days mindlessly, from song to song, story to story...until his next enlightenment...

Now that his head was empty again...many of the previous night's issues still lingered in his mind, troubling him. Lying in bed, he rolled over and stared at the ceiling, as he went over them from most to least important.

'What's my blood type?'

…

Ben couldn't remember… 'Whatever, I'll get some dude with a random vampire system to tell me… I just hope that for the time being, if I have an accident and go to the hospital, they'll be able to tell if I have agility-blood, strength-blood, or whatever my body runs on now...'

…

He believed it would be fine because he'd heard science was powerful these days...

With that out of the way, Ben moved onto the next thing: Katie's love for him. 'No…wasn't there something more important?' A second later, he remembered what it was—his agreement to not look at 2-D girls…

…

Ben reviewed his verbal contract. 'Thankfully, she didn't bring up 3-D girls... Also, although I'm not a lawyer specializing in hentai litigation...I'm certain she said "2-D girls." She never mentioned anything about milfs…'

His eyes shined! 'It looks like I've got a lot of maturing to do…'

…

Ben stopped thinking about the agreement. He was full of confidence that he'd hold the legal advantage if his case ever reached the supreme court of justjizz...because the agreement's authenticity was questionable due to being mailed in by the democrat Katie...

Finished with that, he pondered over the other thing bothering him: Katie's love status.

Ben sighed as he gazed at the ceiling, his face becoming complex. This was a serious matter, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it. Did he love her? …He wasn't sure.

Ben had strong feelings for her, ones he couldn't explain, but they emerged only yesterday, and the reality was that he was too inexperienced. He didn't understand what any of them meant. 'Could be a fart...'

Unable to reach any useful conclusions, he put those thoughts aside for now, seeing no point in beating his head against the balls...

…

Next, Ben thought about how things escalated with Katie. She was ready for sex, having prepared for it. It made him realize that sometimes, the woman's going to have a plan of whether sex is going to happen or not, and that'll lead the way. If she wants it to happen, it'll be easy. If she doesn't, it'll be like talking to a d*ck wall…

...

Of course, he expected that between the two extremes, there was a lot of gray area, where a woman was open to sex but it depended on the man's game. Thinking about it, Ben frowned. 'Why couldn't they all just be DTF like Katie? I couldn't be born in any other story world? Even in the worst cases I can think of, the loser MCs still grew up with childhood friends who became beauties. So why did I grow up next to a lispy fat kid named Cletus?!?'

…

Ben shook his head...but soon cheered up when he thought about what was next. With all the brain-busters now out of the way…it was time to deal with his real fatal flaw--addiction to game mechanics...

Loot, achievements, gear, points… 

As he visualized the possibilities, Ben's expression became ecstatic...because he felt it--the approach of the gamer nut...

------

*Author's Note: Please read the author's thoughts following this for some information about this chapter.