Chapter 344: His Alone

Lucian stopped them before the argument could begin in fragments.

They would have sufficient cover for now, the broken highland, the shelf of stone, the open ground with the wind cutting across it, and he wasn’t inclined to let them have more. Lirael remained bound under whatever hold Evelyn had on her. The children were on their feet. Marc’s face was still a wreck from the rewrite and Silas favored his good arm. The rest waited on Lucian with the quiet finality of people who recognized the order they were about to receive and didn’t like it.

"I’m going myself," he announced.

"There are no preliminaries," hissed Marc.

Lucian’s head lifted. The others took in the motion and tension rippled through them. "Doing what?" asked Marc.

"Whatever gets rid of the flare," said Lucian evenly, "Cael’s grade, the accompanying interest, Alistair. This is mine. Not yours. I’m not breaking the people around me to the front lines of problems I’m encountering."

"This is not how it’s done," said Silas heavily.

"It is now," Lucian told him.

Evelyn narrowed her eyes. "Do not decide this matter independently once you’ve invested all of these people in the catastrophe."

"I’m doing it because of the catastrophe," said Lucian, "We’re all still alive, Althea’s alive, the children are alive. It remains that way only so long as I stop using the bodies placed at my disposal as shields against business directed my way."

Finn frowned. "I expected to fight beside you."

Lucian regarded him, then Mira, then Dorian. "I know," he said after a moment. "And still I take none of yours as I do not consider the battlefield of every incident involving me a rightful legacy for those I risk."

Reia crossed her arms. "The forces which operate closer should not consider us safe because of your discretion."

"They won’t," he said quietly, "which is why you remain on guard and out of the vanguard. I take the line, not the standing. If you choose to take it with me, I cannot prevent you."

Marc came forward, his jaw set. "You kept away for centuries for the warnings and the signs, for the moment you stopped, for the pause before you launched. You don’t decide to remove those who took action in defense of you and expect them to remain inactive on your behalf under the assumption it is for their protection."

"You may call it either or both," said Lucian, but he still wasn’t bringing them with him.

Vyn regarded him closely. "If you fail-"

"Then you get out of the way," said Lucian, "you protect each other, you do not throw yourselves in my wake in misguided loyalty and turn one casualty into eight."

The group was silent. Not comfortably so, but with the weight of expectation pressing down on them.

Lucy was the one who eventually spoke up. "All right."

There were a few turned heads. Marc stared at her like she’d revealed a new and worrying trait. Silas opened his mouth in astonishment before he caught how she was watching him.

Lucy kept her free hand at Althea’s shoulder. "The war part, not the rest," she said, holding up a hand against what Marc was already beginning to say. "I am right on that at least. I am tired of years of being a weapon against other people’s battles. Althea is here, the children Lucian trained well enough, and someone, at some point, has to stop fighting in deference while another person lives in the space between."

Althea looked to Lucian, then back to Lucy, uncertain. Lucy squeezed her shoulder. "I’ll be in the rear," she said, "I’ll move them, I’ll keep them breathing. The rest of you can posture until you’re empty, but I’m done accepting all trials are family matters."

There was something in Lucian’s expression that almost passed for gratitude, if he’d permitted himself to dwell on it.

Lucy caught the shift and jabbed a finger at his chest. "Don’t."

He shut up. Then Lucy indicated Evelyn. "And you," she said, "can stop pretending otherwise, you know damn well what I mean."

Lucian’s gaze shifted until he had Evelyn in it again, then shook his head. "Lucy-"

"I am resolute," said Lucy, "you need a life of your own. If this is going to be the day you take a step away from the responsibilities tied exclusively to me, you don’t do it in self-punishment with half of your strength given over to the war."

There was almost too still a silence stretching from Evelyn.

Lucian’s eyes were on Lucy. "It isn’t the time," he told her.

"It is the only one you’ve had," said Lucy.

Silas rubbed at the back of his neck, avoiding the sight of the family argument as if he could escape it by forgetting it was happening. Reia exhaled sharply through her nose. Marc was clearly still angry but something had worn away the edge. "So we just wait it out?" asked Finn dubiously.

"No," said Lucy, "You’re to remain in readiness. It makes all the difference."

Dorian snorted. "It will when something old comes sniffing around his heels and discovers all of you in a knot like that,’ said Lucy dryly.

"Perhaps I can stay behind and manage the mess, or at least the aftermath." said Lucian.

"Did you just try to sneak away for the last few days?" asked Marc.

"Maybe," said Lucian.

Marc’s hands balled at his sides. "And Alistair?"

"I’ll handle him."

"And Cael?"

"I’ll handle that as well," said Lucian.

"This keeps happening, this-venting business," said Evelyn at last, "So you decide to pick up these issues yourself."

"They are my concerns," said Lucian evenly, shifting his gaze to her, "That has never changed."

She studied him, the earlier gentleness of their conversation buried behind a new steel. "If you decide to hold out whenever the scope increases, there won’t be a life for any of the rest of us to have with you."

Lucy was staring at Evelyn with all the intensity of a woman who dearly hoped she wasn’t going to have to do this for much longer, but the young queen wasn’t finished.

"I’m not asking for you to enter the fray with me or for every opportunity to be a trial involving fire and brimstone," Evelyn went on, "But ’by myself’ is not an answer for ’by responsibility’."

Lucian didn’t blink as he met her eyes. "This time it is."

It wasn’t, not entirely, but it might as well have been.

Few of them liked the answer. It made no difference.

Lucy broke the impasse by switching tacks. "Then we do what we do best. He goes. We hold. We keep Althea and the children from notice. We keep ground and passage open, and if the matter takes against us regardless, so be it - we don’t give that to him to use up."

"I hate this plan," grumbled Silas.

"I know," said Lucy.

"You will let that go now,"said Marc after one last appraising look to Lucian. "If this goes wrong where and when there is no hope but escape, and if it does not save you it does not take you."

Lucian’s lips twitched. "I’ll do my best."It isn’t a promise," he said.

"It is the expectation," said Marc.

The group was shifting already, adjusting in spite of themselves. Clusters formed at the edges and watches were set within watches. Lirael was made less willing a prisoner and the children hated what were trying to do with as much of their heart energy as they were allowed to express. Lucian stepped back to finish inspecting what he needed, Lucy following him long enough to speak beneath her breath.

"I meant what I said," she reminded him, "Evelyn, the life, don’t make it your new seal."

He turned it away to look out over the others, who had already begun to shift into new roles, and shook his head. Lucy continued to watch him until he turned back.

"I know what you’re doing," she said, "don’t make your survival your entire existence. We’ve already tried that experiment on ourselves and it left us both good at war and sick of it."

"I’ll return," said Lucian.

"As what?" asked Lucy.

"As still being in want of something," Lucian told her, "not done with being only."

She left him on that note and returned to Althea.

Lucian stood where he was for a moment longer, measuring the distance between his path and theirs, the ease of isolation, the strength in solitude, until it was enough. He turned on his heel and moved toward the expanse, the greater purpose, the place not yet given over to anyone but him.

Behind him the people he did not want to see this with remained, still arguing, organizing, and watching. All he had to do was go on to what he went to do.