Chapter 36: (bonus +ch) "I... I wanted to tell you something

​Like always, the whole school was echoing with the noise of the canteen. But Himanshu sat at his table, just pushing the cold rice around his plate with a spoon. His entire focus was fixed solely on Priya’s back. Whenever Priya’s chair moved slightly or she tried to get up, Himanshu’s legs under the table would automatically straighten out, ready to stand up.

​Finally, after some time, he got his chance. Priya slightly shook her empty water bottle.

​All of this happened right in front of Himanshu’s eyes, and he knew exactly what he had to do now. He grabbed his water bottle. But the moment he pushed himself to get up from his chair... his body froze right there. Just like that day, the day he had to hit the brakes on his cycle. But today, that invisible grip was even stronger. He remained glued to the chair.

​His fingers squeezed the bottle so hard that his knuckles turned white. Until Priya got up from her seat and walked ahead, he kept his fists clenched. He put his hands over his face and pressed his fingers hard against his eyes. His jaw was clenched so tight that a dull pain started shooting through the roots of his teeth.

​His brain was screaming at him to get up, but his body didn’t move a single inch. It felt like years of loneliness and that comfort zone had become a habit. The chains of that comfort zone had gotten so heavy and strong that now, ’doing nothing’ actually gave him a weird sense of peace. People’s rejection and that ’loser’ tag had pretty much rusted those chains shut.

​But right then, the Demon’s words echoed in his ears.

​"And besides, you have nothing to lose, but so much to gain."

​’Whatever happens, happens. But not today... I’m not gonna just sit here today.’

​He gripped the edges of the table with both hands and tried to push himself up. His veins popped. It felt as if he was using all his strength to pull against those iron chains.

​And the moment he stood up from his chair... he fell straight into a dark, empty well. A well that had no end. and trying to chain him back down to that chair.

​’What happens next? What’re you gonna do? What’re you even gonna say? And the worst part... what if absolutely nothing happens?’ The voices started hammering inside his head— ’What’s she gonna say? Everyone’s gonna laugh! You were a loser yesterday, and you’re still a loser today!’ And just to escape these voices, a loud scream ripped from his throat, cutting through the heavy noise of the entire canteen...

​"Just shut up...!"

​Dead silence. The eyes of every single student sitting in the canteen locked straight onto Himanshu’s table.

​Himanshu’s chest was heaving up and down rapidly with heavy breaths. His plate was lying upside down on the floor, all the rice scattered across the ground. In that struggle to stand up, he didn’t even realize when the plate fell down. Some people were staring at the spilled food on the floor as if they were pissed at him for disrespecting food.

​Getting his panting breaths under control, he slowly bent down and picked up the upside-down plate.

​Such a huge reaction over such a small thing... it was seriously leaving no stone unturned in proving him a ’loser’ in front of everyone.

​Everyone’s eyes remained fixed on him until he gathered the spilled food back into the plate and put it on the table.

​Like always, seeing that same ’loser’ tag for himself in those hundreds of eyes, he hardened himself like a rock again. He narrowed his eyes, dropped the whole Priya thing right there, and picked up his tiffin. He turned his steps toward the classroom.

​But the moment he faced forward, his feet froze to the ground.

​Holding an empty water bottle in her hand... Priya was walking right back towards him, just four steps away. Hearing Himanshu’s loud scream and the crash of the plate, Priya, who was just about to step out of the canteen, had stopped and turned back. Looking at her face, it was pretty clear she had realized what the whole drama in the canteen was actually about.

​Himanshu’s narrowed, hardened eyes suddenly went wide. His rock-hard resolve started crumbling like dry sand. It was as if his eyes were silently begging Priya for help to break out of his chains.

​Priya’s gaze was fixed on Himanshu’s slightly trembling hands. Like she was trying to read them.

​Breaking this heavy silence, Himanshu spoke.

​"I... I wanted to tell you something."

​"Hey... are you okay?"

​"There was no anger in Priya’s voice, but she instinctively took a step back from Himanshu. She held her empty bottle a little tighter against her chest, and the slight narrowing of her eyes made it clear to him that she had put up an invisible wall between them."

​Hearing this, the next words about to come out of Himanshu’s mouth got stuck in his throat. His eyes widened a little more, and a very strange sense of alienation could be felt in them.

​Before the two of them could say anything else to each other, the lunch bell rang.

​"Seated in the classroom, Himanshu’s eyes remained fixed on Priya’s back as she sat on the bench in front of him. But today, she felt miles away. It was as if the fragile little hope growing inside him had been crushed before it even had a chance to bloom.".

​He just kept staring at the pages of his open book with empty eyes. Anyone could look at him and tell he wasn’t reading a thing.

​The whispering sounds of the guys coming from around the class were leaving no stone unturned in making him feel even more lonely. Sitting in this exact spot yesterday, the feeling he had felt when Priya turned around... was gone today, just like a broken dream.

​Every single passing moment in the class felt like nothing less than a horrible punishment now.

​But the moment the final bell rang... the restlessness to let out every feeling buried in a deep corner of his mind forced him to rush out of the school. He took long strides and headed toward the parking lot.

​Reaching his cycle, he looked around one last time with his final shred of hope. When he didn’t see anything there, he put his foot on the cycle pedal and leaned forward to take his first push.

​"Wait."

​A voice from behind stopped him. Hearing that voice, Himanshu’s heartbeat felt like it stopped for a split second and then started racing at double speed. His whole body went numb from the shock. Even before turning around to look, he could feel the sound of someone’s heavy, panting breaths right behind him.

​"You were gonna say something."