My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Music recommendation:

All of Me - John Legend

True Colors - Anna Kendrick and Justin Timberlake

----

A series of thunders pierced through the silent night. It was akin to the wake up call that brought Jiang Jinyan and Shi Nian out of their reverie.

Shi Nian saw him shifting subtly, his hand reached out toward a glass on the nightstand by the bed. His broken ribs and the cast on his leg deterred him from making any large movement but the glass was clearly out of his reach. He stretched his arm out, his fingertips were only a few centimeters away yet in the end, he was still unable to reach it...

Pain overturned Shi Nian's heart at the sight and she was ready to show herself and help him when Jiang Jinyan retracted his arm.

The foot which had already taken its step also halted in place. Shi Nian lost all of her courage to enter. Somehow, she had the feeling that Jiang Jinyan didn't want her to see him like this.

"Damn it…" He cursed in a low voice after a bout of long silence. It was obviously such a tiny voice, almost like a whisper, yet somehow it echoed in Shi Nian's ears loud and clear, each word was excruciating like thorns stabbing her body, spreading dull pain up to the tip of her fingers. "Jiang Jinyan, why are you so pathetic?"

"Why are you so useless? Why can't you make anything go right?" He buried his face into his palms, shoulders trembling faintly.

Shi Nian lowered her eyes and slowly, a droplet of tears slid down her cheek.

The man's harsh breathing and soft, muffled cries echoed throughout the space. Shi Nian listened quietly, absorbing each of the man's sobs into her flesh and bones and engraved it into her heart and soul. In the end, she had to clutch her chest and leaned onto the wall, gasping for breath without a sound. 

Her brows twisted and her pursed lips were devoid of color, trembling slightly as if she was experiencing the same pain.

What to do?

What should she do to help him not to hurt anymore?

One was inside the room while the other was standing outside. One was crying, while the other silently suffered. They were only separated by a door which was slightly ajar yet it was as if there was a whole dimension separating the two of them.

All of a sudden, a series of dings rang out, breaking the agonizing ambience apart.

Jiang Jinyan stiffened and he snarled out, "Who's there?!"

Shi Nian pulled out her phone in panic. Damn it, she had forgotten to silent it! Three messages popped up on the screen, all from Qiang Fei. It seemed like the woman had discovered her missing from the house. Shi Nian didn't have the time to read or reply and directly switched it to silent mode, her heart almost jumping out of her throat.

After not receiving any answer for a while, Jiang Jinyan grew impatient. His eyes narrowed as he saw the slightly ajar door. 

"Come in." He said with a frosty tone. Not a hint of the previous weakness could be found from his hardened voice.

Shi Nian gulped nervously and braced herself.

The little bit of light seeping in through the crack of the door was blocked and slowly, the door slid open, showing a petite girl clad in pajamas that was only covered by a thick down jacket.

Jiang Jinyan's pupils trembled. Shi Nian couldn't quite describe what she saw. Panic? Trepidation? Fluster?

"You…" Jiang Jinyan's voice was dry and raspy. "Why are you here?"

Light from the hallway shone behind the girl's back, obscuring her features. Jiang Jinyan could only feel a pair of eyes staring at him and the mere thought filled him with an unprecedented sense of dread and shame. 

"…Did you see?" He asked. There was no clear context or object, but both of them understood clearly what he was talking about. It was as if something deep within him shattered along with the girl's prolonged silence.

Shi Nian closed the door behind her and stepped forward, still a few distance away from him.

Jiang Jinyan looked away and his gaze froze on his stump knee which was propped up by a cast. Abruptly, he hurled the blanket to cover it. The sudden movement attracted Shi Nian's eyes. This time, Jiang Jinyan felt it clearly on his body, so clear that it was as if he was sitting on pins and needles.

His bandaged fingers grasped the blanket tightly, eyes half lidded. If one looked closer, they might discover the slight quiver on his eyelashes. There wasn't a change in his expression, but his face, which was illuminated by the faint light outside, was almost white in color. 

He whispered with a strained voice. "…Don't look." 

Don't look at my leg, don't look at this defect, don't look at his ugliness...don't look at me…

The man's shoulders were tense and his head hung low, so low as if he wished the ground would open up and swallow him whole. Right now, he was akin to a death row prisoner, waiting for the bullet that would pierce through his heart, destroy and annihilate it. Completely and utterly.

Shi Nian moved after what seemed like a long, long time.

The rain outside fell ceaselessly, showering the earth with a faint layer of freshness that could chill the bones. Contrasted to the gentle, comforting rain, the lightning struck time and time again.

From the corner of Jiang Jinyan's eyes, he saw the girl approach the bed side and…without any warning, kneeled down on one knee.

Jiang Jinyan snapped his head up in daze and his eyes met with the girl's reddened ones. The flash of lightning illuminated her golden eyes that glowed in a translucent light. Even when the sky halted its firebolts, those eyes still shone brilliantly, sucking all of Jiang Jinyan's attention in. He didn't even realize it when the girl gingerly reached out for his hand.

Amidst his consternation, Shi Nian brought his hand to her lips, kissing each of his knuckles in utmost dedication. The girl's eyes were closed and he could see her damp eyelashes which trembled ever so slightly, her expression was utterly reverential, as if she was praying to her beloved God.

Jiang Jinyan jolted in the mixture of shock and befuddlement. "Shi Nian!"

Shi Nian never uttered a word. As if she hadn't had enough, she unhesitatingly flung away the blanket covering his leg, displaying the marred leg.

"No...!" The man tried to shield it in panic, but how could his injury ladened body endured such a move? Pain ripped through his chest and he gasped, his resistance stalled abruptly.

The seconds delay contributed to Shi Nian's success. The girl reached out to touch his leg, feeling each of his trembles and jitters. Then, under Jiang Jinyan's sharp intake of breath, she dipped her head down and pressed a kiss onto the stump knee, this time it was much, much longer than when she kissed his knuckles.

Jiang Jinyan instinctively bit his lips to suppress a groan. His hands grabbed the blanket so tight that sharp pain rippled through the wrist area where the IV needle connected to. Nevertheless, Jiang Jinyan couldn't seem to take his eyes off the girl whose expression was almost pious as she dropped adoring kisses onto that part of his limb that had lost all function; the part that he had always dreaded, that he always hid like a shameful thing.

The soft sensations instantly burned like blazing flames, searing into his heart with the might of an unstoppable volcano. Jiang Jinyan even felt as if Shi Nian was branding a mark there. A mark that was especially hers, that could only belong to her and her alone. The sudden idea instantly turned his leg all weird and tingly, even a bit itchy.

"Shi Nian…!" He rasped, breathless.

Shi Nian pulled away slightly. She lifted her eyes, smiling. Tears streamed down her cheek as she whispered. "Jiang Jinyan…"

The crystal liquid dripped down her jaw toward his leg and absorbed into the thick bandage yet he swore that he could vividly feel it seeping into his skin and bones.

Her eyes glowed in such a soft light, so pure, so captivating that he couldn't look away. Along with the lulling drizzle outside the window that showered down unceasingly, she also poured out a confession from the bottom of her heart, word by word falling into his barren heart, drenching it thoroughly.

"I love you. For every flaw and imperfection; for every reason and madness." She reached out to hug him; his fragile side, his ugly side, everything. She gathered the broken pieces of him into her heart and adored them all. Breathing out a soft laugh that sounded like a sob, she murmured, "You don't even know how dear you are to me."

"Do you hear that? I adore you, Jiang Jinyan."

"I cherish you, treasure you. Every part of you."

So, please don't vilify yourself, my dearest General. For there's someone who will be waiting for you on the end of the dark tunnel.

Jiang Jinyan's head was nudged onto Shi Nian's shoulder. The man didn't resist and rested his head there, motionlessly listening to the girl's soft voice, feeling her warmth around him. His tense body eventually relaxed. 

A few moments later, a damp sensation spread through Shi Nian's shoulder and seeped into her jacket. 

It felt very cold, just like the rain.

.

.

.

A/N: uwuwuu our Jiang Jinyan is so precious (´Д⊂ヽhe's so sensitive, fragile and inferior. Even he himself can't quite accept his state, but Shi Nian does. She always does.

*sigh* I think Jiang Jinyan is very similar to me when I met my crush without any makeup on with my acnes breaking out in large red bumps all over my face, like...so horrendous ༼ಢ_ಢ༽ but I have no Shi Nian who will accept my everything. It scarred me to the point I didn't dare to go out again after my face got better (ノへ￣,)

What do you think of this chappie? I edited it for two hours QAQ 

Next chappie, go back to serious business ಠ◡ಠ