My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Amidst his blurred consciousness, Jiang Jinyan recalled something from a long, long time ago. How old was he that year? Three? Four? For as long as he remembered, his mother—Guan Xiaoxiao—had always been an obsessive and unstable woman. 

He had a high fever at that time, shivering incessantly as he huddled under the blanket when hazily, a cold, comfortable and soft sensation fell upon his forehead. Just by a single touch, he could already feel the affection oozing from it. 

Yet when he woke up, there was no one by his side as if everything was just a mere pipedream.

He could still remember how torturous he felt back then. It was just like now. Like he was being burned in a furnace in one second before drowning into a frozen lake in the next second. Sweat layered his skin and his breath was boiling hot although his teeth kept on chattering from the chill.

In the next moment, a wet, cold sensation touched his forehead. The effect was akin to cool, refreshing water for the dehydrated man, a lifeboat for the drowned, a heavenly elixir for the dying. Jiang Jinyan almost groaned from the comfort it brought him, but unfortunately, the sensation only lasted for two seconds before pulling away.

"No…" He tried his best to crack his eyes open. "Mother…"

"I am not your mother." A low, male voice sounded above his head tinged with helplessness and bemusement.

The lights in the room pierced his eyes as soon as he opened them and he grimaced from the sting. Covering his sight with his arm, he shook his head hard and managed to collect a little bit of clarity. "Where am I?" He rasped, his voice so dry that it cracked in the end.

It took him a few moments to recollect the memory before he lost consciousness. The seminar, Qing Si, and in the end…Jia Ming'en.

Jiang Jinyan's eyes snapped open abruptly in time to see Jia Ming'en entered the room with a cup of warm water. He strode toward him as if he owned the place, totally casual without any hint of discomfort. 

Jia Ming'en sat by the side of his bed and helped him to sit up. "Drink first."

Just what he needed. Jiang Jinyan muttered a 'thank you' before gulping the water down. Only then did he feel a little bit better. Only a teensy weeny though. His head still throbbed like he had just been run over by a truck, but at least he could already discern that the room was his own bedroom.

"Mew mew! Meeew~"

Jiang Jinyan followed the source of the sound to find the greyish fluff ball running back and forth anxiously on the floor, looking as if it was searching for ways to climb up to no avail because the bed was too high and it was too tiny.

Jia Ming'en jutted his chin. "It has been like this since I brought you in."

As Jiang Jinyan's eyes fell onto it, the kitten's eyes brightened up in luminous golden lights. "Mew! Mew!" It rushed to Jiang Jinyan and struggled to climb onto the bed by grabbing the bedsheet. It kept on meowing as if blurting out a string of protests.

"Noisy." Jia Ming'en frowned and grabbed it by its scruff. "Let me get rid of it for you."

Before Jiang Jinyan could react, Jia Ming'en had already left with the kitten hanging pitifully on his hand, four limbs flailing around in protest. It gave a soft, aggrieved cry when it was being put down outside the room. 

The kitten agilely turned around, rushing to get in through the crack on the door again but unfortunately, Jia Ming'en was faster and slammed the door right before it could get through.

"Meww!" QAQ

"You—" Jiang Jinyan's eyes were complicated. "Don't be too rough on it."

Jia Ming'en shrugged. "Cold is contagious." 

So, was it all because he cared for the cat? Jiang Jinyan's eyes became more perplexed. The image of President Jia being a cat lover was quite...inconceivable. Jiang Jinyan shook his head to erase the bizarre image and shifted the topic. "How did you get in?"

"Don't you remember?" Jia Ming'en returned and took the empty glass from his hand and put it on the nightstand by the bed. "You fainted in front of me and luckily, you have told me your address and door passcode."

Really? Jiang Jinyan frowned as he tried to remember. He really gave his address and passcode—to his house, his most private place—to a stranger he had only known for a few hours?

As if sensing his doubt, Jia Ming'en added. "No need to think too much about it. I'm the one who brought you back otherwise you would have already died in the bushes. I'm also the one who brought you medicine…" He jutted his chin toward the small plastic bag on the nightstand which Jiang Jinyan hadn't noticed before. "…and changed your clothes for you."

Jiang Jinyan froze abruptly. His already pale face whitened and he flung away the thick blanket covering his body to find himself wearing a clean shirt and long cotton pants. But the most important thing was…his artificial leg had already been taken off.

His eyes instantly grew fierce and red, filled with fury and humiliation. It was as if he could pounce onto Jia Ming'en just with a tiniest bit of provocation. "…You saw it?"

Jia Ming'en scoffed, his eyes flashed with disdain. "Of course I do. Don't tell me you're some kind of maiden who wants people to take responsibility for you after being seen?"

Jiang Jinyan's head buzzed. The dull ache throbbing his head slowly chipped his sanity away. Except for him, the doctor, nurses and a few other people, no one had ever seen his leg after the accident. No one had gone as far as to even touch it. His breathing grew ragged and bile raised up his throat at the thought of his stump knee, the hideous surgical scars, the deformed flesh…all of it was seen by a stranger.

"Get out…" He could feel the coldness rising up his limbs, a sign that he was going to lose control soon. "Get out of my house!" A suppressed growl erupted from his throat. Due to his weakness and fever, it sounded more like a cry. He gripped the blanket so hard as if it could protect him from Jia Ming'en's eyes. "Get out of here!"

"What's wrong with you?" Jia Ming'en furrowed his brows, his tone oblivious. "Aren't you only missing one leg?"

The thin string pulling Jiang Jinyan's sanity together snapped with that light sentence. He grabbed Jia Ming'en's collar, pulling the man closer. His eyes red and bloodshot, the words coming out through gritted teeth. "Only missing one leg?! ONLY?! You have no idea what I have lost because of this one damn leg! You have no idea—" Adrenaline burst through his veins and he clenched his fist, swinging it toward Jia Ming'en's face with all of his strength. 

In Jiang Jinyan's contorted mind, the man's face had turned into many despicable others; Qing Si, Wei Xiameng, his father, the passersby who gave him disdainful glances, the netizens who cursed him that he got what he deserved…

What right did they have to judge him?! What right did they have to act as if they understood his life, his suffering and everything he had gone through?!

Jia Ming'en's reaction was surprisingly quick. He caught Jiang Jinyan's fist right before it hammered down his face. 

Jiang Jinyan felt the world tilted in front of his eyes and when he came to, his hands twisted behind his back. The force Jia Ming'en exerted was so strong that Jiang Jinyan felt like his arm was going to be dislocated.

"You—!" Jiang Jinyan glared, his chest undulating fiercely.

"Oh." Jia Ming'en quickly released him and stepped back. "Sorry, it's a conditional reflex." He even lifted both of his hands to show that he's perfectly harmless.

Pain shot through Jiang Jinyan's arms to his shoulders atop of the soreness due to the fever. He grimaced, but the strain did wonder to shake his mind awake. The last attempt had already extorted all of his strength to the point where his fingertips trembled slightly when he tried to move. He rolled over and laid on his stomach with a groan, his breath uneven.

Slowly, he calmed down and massaged his shoulders, veins popping up on his forehead. "No, I am sorry, President Jia…" He shut his eyes, face crumpled up. Discomfort evident on his face. "I…I shouldn't have lashed out on you. Thank you for bringing me back and buying the medicine."

Jia Ming'en shrugged, nonchalant. There was something more important he had to state though. "Seriously, I have already sensed it back in the auditorium. You have a severe anger issue and impulsive disorder, which I don't really mind because I know you have just got into an accident a few months ago. But as I said, anger will not bring you anywhere."

Jiang Jinyan opted to stay mute, head hanging low although his knuckles had already turned white from the force he used to clench the blanket. He had to constantly remind himself not to lose control again, one which would look very unsightly and insane. It was a little too hard though considering his mind was already half muddled from the fever.

"I am not criticizing you." Jia Ming'en stepped closer again, prompting Jiang Jinyan to raise his head in bafflement. "What I mean is..." The man took off his glasses without any warning. "You don't need to care about what people say. It's really tiring. Trust me, I have been in your place before."

Under Jiang Jinyan's gradually widening eyes, Jia Ming'en used two fingers to peel open his left eyelid and gouge his eye out. If Jiang Jinyan wasn't dizzy to the point of stupefaction, he would have been terrified and appalled by Jia Ming'en's abrupt act.

"See?" The man played with his eyeball in his palm, leaving a glaring blackhole in the empty socket of his left eye. "Isn't it only an eye?"

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A/N: seriously if someone gouge their eyes out in front of me, I will piss myself ༼ಢ_ಢ༽

and no, please don't imagine Jia Ming'en as a cyborg lol idk why in my mind, I thought of him as Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator QAQ I repeat, there's no fantasy element in the story except for Shi Nian's memory of her past life hahaha

Lastly, guys I created some reading lists which you can view from my profile, please check it out and follow me if you'd like hehe, thank you~