Chapter 94: On Her Own

Elara:

The realization didn’t hurt as much as I expected it to. Maybe because it wasn’t really new. Since arriving in Starfall, I had learned repeatedly that trusting the wrong person came with consequences, and apparently, I had needed that lesson more than once before it finally settled into my stubborn head.

Lorien had been the first person in this world I had allowed myself to believe might genuinely be different. I had let him close despite every warning in my head.

And look how well that had ended.

I pushed the thought away before the familiar warmth beneath my skin could respond to my emotions again. I had no interest in loosening my seal through emotional destruction every time someone disappointed me.

So that was it.

I was on my own.

I hadn’t told Myra about the cliff because the poor girl had already been traumatized enough by the attack. Even now, she occasionally looked at me with guilt in her eyes as though she blamed herself for not being able to fight five supernatural men. Telling her that they had later dragged me to the edge of a cliff and pushed me to my death would only give her another nightmare to carry. I couldn’t do that to her.

And I hadn’t told Violet because I already knew exactly what she would do.

First, she would blame herself for letting Myra and me walk back without her. Then she would probably spend the next month trying to hunt down every suspicious person in Starfall while repeatedly reminding me that she should have been there. I wasn’t about to give her another reason to feel guilty.

As for anyone else, my mind became painfully empty.

Professor Fenrith? No.

Vice Headmistress? I barely knew her.

Master Brown? Jasper? They were tied to me because of my identity, not because I had actually chosen to trust them yet.

The Five Kings? I would rather jump off another cliff.

The list of people I could rely on was alarmingly short, and in the end, only one name appeared.

Crazy.

Turned out the murderous little feline was the only one I could trust and share such secrets with.

What a comforting realization.

Of course, Crazy couldn’t exactly investigate a murder attempt. He could threaten people, bite them, scratch them, and probably help me hide a body if the need ever arose, but asking him to uncover a powerful enemy hiding behind five thugs was beyond even his impressive abilities.

So, once again, I was left with nothing but questions.

Someone wanted me dead. Someone had attacked me. Someone, or maybe something, had saved me. And whoever had done it had left behind absolutely no proof that any of it had ever happened.

I slowly looked away from Lorien, my decision already made. Until I knew who had tried to kill me, I would tell no one. Not even him.

His voice pulled me out of my thoughts before I could lose myself in them any further. I looked up at him just as he informed me that the investigation wasn’t going to end simply because they hadn’t found anything so far. He had taken full control of the case from the council himself, and though there was no longer any point in keeping me updated about the investigation unless they discovered something useful, he would make sure they continued looking until they found the people responsible.

There was something almost too deliberate about the way he spoke, as though he wanted me to understand that he wasn’t making a casual statement. His words sounded like a promise.

Perhaps he expected me to react differently because of it, to thank him or question him or at least look relieved, but all I could manage was a small nod. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t bring myself to. After everything that had happened between us, I no longer knew what to do with his promises.

Lorien seemed to notice that immediately. His expression barely changed, but something shifted in his eyes before he finally looked away, and for some reason, he appeared upset by my silence. I had absolutely no interest in finding out why.

With the conversation about the investigation ending there, we eventually returned our attention to the reason I was supposed to be meeting him in the first place - my magic. That was when a question that had been sitting heavily inside my mind ever since the attack finally made its way out.

I looked at Lorien and asked, "There’s something I have been meaning to understand. Why didn’t my magic react that night?"

Even after all these days, I still couldn’t find an answer to it. My power had become almost annoyingly unpredictable, usually reacting whenever my emotions reached a certain point. Anger, humiliation, frustration, grief - apparently, my seal had decided that emotional wreckage was the perfect key to unlocking whatever had been sleeping inside me.

And yet, on the night I had needed my magic more than ever, it had barely responded. I had been terrified. I had desperately called for it while those men surrounded me, then again when they dragged me toward that cliff, and finally when I realized they genuinely intended to kill me. Still, there had been nothing. At most, a faint surge of warmth that disappeared before I could use it.

Lorien remained quiet for a moment, clearly considering the question rather than giving me the first answer that came to his mind. Finally, he spoke, "Perhaps you have been looking at your previous magical reactions from the wrong angle."

He reminded me that my strongest outbursts hadn’t simply happened because I was experiencing powerful emotions. They had happened when those emotions were directed at someone else.

His words made me recall the incidents that made the seal loosen over the past month.

My desperation to save my family created the first crack in the seal. A similar desperation had forced my power to react when I tried to stop the flying objects from hurting others. My anger at Liliana’s attack had triggered my magic because I had wanted to stop her from hurting me. Even the emotional surge outside the mansion had been born from my anger and pain toward Lorien.

His theory was that my magic might not respond merely to my emotions, instead, it might respond to what those emotions made me want to do.

"Perhaps," Lorien added, "your power awakens when your feelings are directed at others."

It did make some sense. That night, when I had been fighting for my own life, fear had consumed me so completely that instead of calling my magic to stop the attackers, I had sought it desperately for my own survival.

His explanation left me staring at him.

I didn’t know whether he was right, but the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable sense it made.

Maybe my magic didn’t simply answer to emotion. Maybe it answered to intention.

"That’s ridiculous!" I finally blurted out. "So you are saying my magic might only react when I need to protect someone else?" I asked, and the question alone was enough to make me dislike the possibility. "But if I’m in danger, it will just sit there and watch me die?"