Chapter 29: The Weight of Guilt

Elara:

The nightmare always began the same way, as though my mind refused to let me escape that night no matter how desperately I wished to.

Tonight, I was sonce again standing outside my home with my hand resting on the back door, smiling to myself because I was convinced Mom, Dad, and Felix had prepared another birthday surprise.

I could almost hear Felix’s teasing voice from the message he’d sent me, claiming he was going to sleep because I was taking forever to get home. I remembered rolling my eyes when I read it. He always tried to make me believe he wasn’t waiting for me, only to jump out from behind the couch the moment I walked through the door.

I smiled in the dream just as I had smiled that night, completely unaware that it would be the last genuine smile of my old life.

My fingers wrapped around the doorknob as I quietly pushed the door open, only for the smell of blood to hit me so violently that my entire body froze before I even stepped inside.

Everything happened exactly as it had in reality. The living room was drenched in crimson. Furniture lay broken across the floor. Picture frames were shattered. The birthday decorations that my family had probably spent hours putting together hung torn and stained with blood. The masked warriors stood among the destruction like shadows wearing human skin.

Dad was lying on the floor, barely conscious. Mom was trying to crawl toward him despite the blood pouring from her wounds. Felix was standing between them and the warriors, refusing to back down even though he could barely remain on his feet.

I screamed so loudly my own voice hurt my ears as I ran toward them, begging the warriors to stop, begging them to hurt me instead. Just like every other nightmare before this one, strong hands caught me from behind before I reached them. I fought with everything I had. I kicked until my legs hurt, clawed until my nails broke, and screamed until my throat felt raw. But nothing mattered.

I still watched helplessly as one of the warriors drove his weapon straight through Felix’s chest. The sound echoed through the house, followed by another spray of blood that painted the floor where my brother collapsed beside our parents.

"No!"

I screamed his name over and over, struggling so violently that my entire body hurt. Then, suddenly, the hands holding me disappeared. One moment I was trapped... and the next I stumbled forward with nothing restraining me. The warriors were gone. The room had fallen eerily silent.

I didn’t question it, there was no time. I threw myself onto my knees beside Felix so quickly they slammed painfully into the blood-soaked floor. My trembling hands reached for him, gently lifting his head onto my lap the way Mom used to whenever one of us got hurt as children.

"Felix..." My voice broke into sobs. "I’m here... I’m here now... You’ll be okay. I’ll save you. I promise. Please don’t leave me."

My tears fell onto his pale face as I desperately searched for anything I could do, but there was nothing. There was too much blood. Far too much. Even then I refused to stop believing I could somehow save him. Slowly, with what little strength remained, Felix lifted one trembling hand toward me. And unlike every previous nightmare, this time I managed to catch it before it fell. I held it tightly between both of mine as though refusing to let him slip away.

For one beautiful, heartbreaking second, I believed I’d changed the ending. Then Felix opened his eyes and looked at me. They weren’t filled with relief, nor were they filled with love. Instead, those familiar pair of orbs stared at me with something that shattered me far more completely than his death ever had - disappointment.

His cracked lips moved and I immediately leaned closer, desperate to hear him.

"El..." he whispered.

"I’m here," I cried immediately. "I’m right here. Please don’t talk. You are going to be okay."

His fingers weakly tightened around mine before he whispered again. "They... came... for you."

My heart skipped a beat. I stared at him, unable to breathe. "What?" I whispered.

His gaze never left mine. "You are... the reason..." Another painful breath escaped him. "...Mom... Dad..."

Tears streamed uncontrollably down my face as I shook my head. "No..." I whispered. "No, Felix..."

But he continued anyway, his voice becoming clearer with every word. "They died... because of you."

My breathing completely stopped. "No..."

"You..." he whispered again. "...caused... their deaths."

I violently shook my head. "No! That’s not true!"

"You killed them." His voice echoed unnaturally through the house.

"No!" I screamed. "I didn’t!"

"You killed them."

The walls repeated his words.

"You killed them."

The blood beneath my knees whispered the words, the shattered photographs echoed them. Even my parents’ lifeless bodies seemed to accuse me. I covered my ears, screaming until my lungs burned.

"Stop! Please stop! I didn’t mean for any of this to happen! I didn’t know! I didn’t know!"

Felix slowly pulled his hand away from mine as his eyes closed one final time. Then his body dissolved into darkness before my eyes. The blood covering the floor began rising around me, swallowing my legs, my waist, my chest.

I struggled to stay above it, reaching desperately toward where my family had been only seconds earlier. But there was nothing left. Only those words remained, repeating over and over until they became the only thing I could hear.

You caused their deaths... You killed them... It’s your fault...

........

I woke with a violent gasp, my entire body jerking upright so suddenly that I almost fell out of bed. My chest rose and fell in frantic breaths as though I’d been drowning.

My pajamas clung to my skin, completely soaked with sweat. Tears blurred my vision so badly that I couldn’t even recognize my own room at first. My heart pounded painfully against my ribs, refusing to slow no matter how many breaths I forced myself to take.

It took several long seconds before reality slowly returned and I realized I wasn’t in my childhood home anymore. I wasn’t kneeling in blood. I was in my dorm room at Moonveil Academy.