Chapter 158: The Choice He Had Already Made

Elara:

"How about I find a way to release you from this oath?"

The words had barely left my mouth when Jasper went completely rigid. It was so sudden that I actually blinked, caught off guard by the way every trace of warmth disappeared from his face. His expression turned pale, his shoulders stiffened, and for several seconds he simply stared at me as though I had said something he couldn’t comprehend.

"Jasper?" I asked cautiously, but he didn’t answer. His silence made anxiety crawl into my chest, and I quickly tried to explain myself before he could misunderstand. "I don’t mean that I don’t appreciate you. I do. More than I can explain. You have protected me when I couldn’t protect myself, you have been punished because of me, you have dedicated your life to me, and you have stayed beside me when I you could have walked away. I’m grateful for all of it."

I swallowed, lowering my gaze to my hands. "But sometimes I think about the fact that you never actually got to choose this life. You were barely old enough to understand what an oath meant when it was decided that you would become my blood knight. You were a child, Jasper. Someone told you what your purpose would be before you were even old enough to decide what you wanted your own future to look like."

I looked back at him, my voice becoming softer. "What if you wanted something else? What if you wanted a family of your own someday? What if you wanted to travel, build a career that had nothing to do with protecting me, fall in love, have children, or simply wake up every morning knowing that the life you are living belongs entirely to you? What if there was a version of your future that you would have chosen if nobody had placed this responsibility on your shoulders?"

My throat tightened.

"I don’t want to keep you tied to me just because our families decided it before either of us had a say. You deserve the freedom to choose. I don’t want your loyalty because an oath demands it. I want you beside me because you genuinely want to be there." For a moment, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. "Maybe I’m selfish for saying this after everything you have done for me, but I don’t want to become the reason you never get to live your own life."

Jasper finally moved. He drew in a slow breath, and when he spoke, his voice was so calm that it almost frightened me. "There is no way to release me."

I looked up. "What?"

He shook his head. "There is no spell. No ritual. No magic capable of undoing a blood knight’s oath once it has been accepted and sealed. Not even the royal family could simply erase it." He paused, his eyes never leaving mine. "And even if there was a way, Princess, I would never allow you to use it."

I stared at him, unable to find a response.

Jasper took a deep breath before continuing, "You have misunderstood something very important. I have never considered my oath a shackle." His voice softened. "I have never considered it a burden either."

He gave me the smallest smile, but there was something almost painfully tender behind it. "My family served royal family for generations. I was taught what that meant before I was old enough to understand the word responsibility. I remember being three years old and asking my parents when the King and Queen would finally have a child. I wanted a prince or princess so badly because I knew that one day, I would get to protect them."

I stared at him. Too stunned to say anything at all.

"And when you were born, I thought the Moon Goddess had answered the wish I’d been making for years." His smile grew faintly brighter. "I remember seeing you for the first time. You were tiny. You had these unique and beautiful silver eyes even then. Everyone around me was celebrating the birth of the Crown Princess, but I remember feeling something completely different. I was happy because I finally had someone to protect."

My chest tightened, and I felt my throat becoming heavy as emotions surged.

Jasper looked down for a moment before saying, "The day you were born and I became your blood knight was one of the happiest days of my life. Not because I was given a title. Not because my family was honored. But because for the first time, I knew exactly what my life was for."

I swallowed hard, but he continued before I could interrupt.

"And my greatest regret isn’t becoming your blood knight. It isn’t the years I have spent searching and waiting for you. It isn’t even the punishment I have received since you returned." His voice cracked slightly. "My greatest regret is that I wasn’t there with you that night."

I knew immediately what he meant. "Jasper..."

"I wasn’t there when your parents were murdered," he said quietly. "I wasn’t there when they took you away. I wasn’t there to protect you." His jaw tightened as guilt flickered across his face. "For twenty years, I have had to live knowing that the little girl I swore to protect was somewhere in the world without me, and I couldn’t find her."

"You were seven," I whispered, my heart breaking at the thought. "You were only seven years old, Jasper. What could you possibly have done?"

His eyes met mine. "I would have tried." The simplicity of his answer shattered me. "Maybe I would have failed. Maybe I would have died. Maybe I would have been completely useless against whoever attacked the palace. But I would have tried."

He leaned closer, his voice trembling now despite his attempt to keep it steady. "That’s what you don’t understand. I don’t regret that I wasn’t strong enough. I regret that I wasn’t there at all."