Chapter 146: Troubled Mind

Elara:

Only three days remained before the exams officially began, and for the first time since arriving at Moonveil Academy, I could honestly say that I had done everything I possibly could to prepare.

Every project had been completed and submitted, every assignment was finished, and somehow much to my own surprise, I had managed to pass every test and practical I’d been given the past week.

For months, I had spent hours studying after classes, forcing myself to learn not only magic but also the history, politics, customs, and complicated rules of Starfall. I hadn’t wanted to be caught unprepared when the exams arrived, especially when being the only Princess of this world meant that any failure of mine would probably become everyone’s favorite piece of gossip.

I could already imagine the headlines if I somehow managed to perform terribly - "The Lost Princess Fails Her First Academy Exams". It would probably become a scandal before I even had time to explain myself. Besides, I’d always been a top student back in my old life. Studying hard and performing well academically wasn’t something I had ever considered optional, so I wasn’t about to start now.

And yet, despite all that preparation, I was still nervous. Maybe it was because everything I was studying was unfamiliar, or maybe it was because the consequences of failing here felt far greater than they ever had before. But there was another problem, one that had absolutely nothing to do with exams and was considerably more distracting.

Kairo Greymark.

It had been days since that night in the library, and I hadn’t seen him even once. At first, I hadn’t thought much about it because Kairo and I had never exactly followed a predictable schedule before. We hadn’t met every day, so a few days without seeing him wasn’t unusual.

Then a few more days passed, and I convinced myself that he was probably busy with his own assignments and practicals as a third-year student. That explanation had worked for a while. Unfortunately, my brain had recently decided it wasn’t satisfied anymore. The more time passed without seeing him, the more difficult it became to ignore the feeling that Kairo wasn’t simply busy. He was avoiding me.

The thought made something inside my chest clench painfully. Maybe that night hadn’t meant as much to him as it had to me. Maybe he regretted it. Maybe he had decided that the smartest thing to do was create distance and make it clear that whatever had happened between us had been nothing more than a single night that shouldn’t happen again. Or maybe...

I stopped myself before I could finish that thought, because every possible explanation seemed worse than the last.

Why was I even this bothered? I wasn’t madly in love with Kairo. I was attracted to him, yes. I’d already crossed that line with him, and if he wanted to draw another line now, shouldn’t I simply respect it and move on? That would have been the sensible thing to do. Except the irritating little voice in my head kept asking whether I actually wanted to move on.

Maybe that night had been far more meaningful to me than I was willing to admit. Maybe I didn’t want it to remain a single night. Maybe I wanted more.

By the time I realized I had been staring at the same page for nearly twenty minutes, I had developed a throbbing headache. I closed the book with a frustrated sigh and leaned back against my chair, rubbing my temples.

I hadn’t learned a single useful thing in almost half a day because my mind kept circling back to the same irritating question. Eventually, I gave up. If I couldn’t concentrate because I was thinking about Kairo, perhaps the solution was to stop thinking about Kairo. And if that required finding another one of my very distracting crushes, then so be it. Maybe seeing someone else would finally help me forget about a certain black-haired idiot who had apparently decided to disappear from the face of the academy.

With that questionable plan in mind, I left my dorm and made my way toward the final-year dormitory building. I had no real excuse for visiting Esmeray other than the fact that I knew he had herbs and teas that helped calm me whenever my thoughts became too chaotic. Perhaps he would have something that could quiet my mind long enough for me to return to studying. And if that didn’t work, at least seeing one of my other crushes might remind me that Kairo wasn’t the only person capable of making my heart behave irrationally.

By the time I reached Esmeray’s dorm, I was already feeling slightly ridiculous about the entire idea. Still, I stopped outside his door and raised my hand to knock.

That’s when I noticed the door wasn’t completely closed.

I frowned, staring at the narrow gap. Esmeray wasn’t the type to leave his door open carelessly, at least not from what I knew of him, and curiosity immediately replaced my hesitation. A mischievous smile slowly tugged at my lips as I glanced down the hallway before quietly pushing the door open.

"Esmeray?" I called softly, but there was no response.

I slipped inside and carefully closed the door behind me, my eyes scanning the familiar living area. Everything appeared normal. His plants were exactly where I remembered them, and the quiet space looked almost too peaceful. I checked the kitchen next, but there was no sign of him there either. My frown deepened as I moved farther inside.

Maybe he was in his bedroom.

I approached the closed bedroom door and stopped. Entering his dorm without knocking was one thing, but doing the same with his bedroom suddenly seemed considerably less amusing. So I lifted my hand and prepared to knock. But before my knuckles could even touch the wood, a voice came from the other side.

I froze.

The words were muffled by the door, but the voice was unmistakably Esmeray’s. I lowered my hand slowly, my entire body suddenly alert as I stood there listening. Whatever he was saying, the tone was serious enough to make my curiosity flare instantly.

I didn’t move. Didn’t knock. I simply stood outside his bedroom, holding my breath as I listened to the conversation happening on the other side of the door.