Chapter 143: Torn Between Two

Kairo:

I was becoming an emotional wreck, and I had reached the point where even pretending to be sane inside the academy felt impossible.

Every corridor seemed to remind me of her, every classroom seemed to carry some trace of her presence even though we hadn’t shared that many classes, and every time I caught sight of that familiar hair from a distance, my instincts immediately dragged my attention toward her before my brain could remind me that I had been deliberately avoiding her for days.

Going back to Greymark Manor wasn’t an option either. My family would notice something was wrong within five minutes, and the last thing I needed was my mother asking why her usually composed son looked like he had been personally cursed by the Moon Goddess.

The thought of getting drunk in some random pub had left an even worse taste in my mouth. Drinking alone in my dorm until I lost consciousness had accomplished nothing except giving me a headache, and spending hours in the gym trying to beat the frustration out of my body had only left me sore and equally miserable.

So apparently, my brilliant solution had been to climb onto my sports bike and drive through the city at a speed that would probably have gotten me expelled if anyone from the academy caught me.

One hundred and eighty kilometers per hour should have been enough to make anyone forget their problems. Apparently, I was exceptionally talented at having problems.

The city blurred around me as I tore through the streets, weaving past vehicles with barely a thought spared for anything except the road ahead. When even that failed to quiet my mind, I pushed the speed higher, eventually taking one of the almost empty mountain roads leading away from the academy.

The road climbed steadily, civilization thinning behind me until the buildings disappeared and only dark trees, stone cliffs, and the fading evening light remained.

I should have been afraid of crashing. Instead, some pathetic part of me almost wished the road would finally become dangerous enough to force my brain to focus on something other than the impossible mess Reign had dropped into my lap.

Nearly an hour later, I finally slowed down and stopped at a secluded cliff overlooking the sprawling towns and cities below. I parked the bike, removed my helmet, and ran a hand through my ash-black hair before walking toward the edge.

The evening was beautiful in a way that almost felt insulting. The sun was sinking toward the horizon, spilling gold, orange, and crimson across the sky while the last rays illuminated the rooftops and distant roads far below. The mountains were quiet, the wind cool against my face, and for a normal person this would probably have been the perfect place to breathe and let the day’s frustrations disappear.

I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly. Nothing changed. The knot in my chest remained exactly where it had been since Reign had looked me in the eyes and told me the truth.

Elara was his fated mate.

I had been avoiding her ever since. I hadn’t planned it, not consciously, but every time I saw her somewhere, I found an excuse to disappear. If she entered a room, I escaped before she could spot me. If I heard her voice in a corridor, I changed direction. If I caught sight of her sitting with Violet, I convinced myself I had somewhere else to be.

Thankfully, she didn’t seem to have noticed yet, although that was only temporary. Elara was observant. Far more observant than people gave her credit for. Eventually she would realize I was avoiding her, and I wasn’t sure what would happen when she asked me why.

The worst part was that I still hadn’t made a decision.

I had tried. Goddess, I had tried. I had spent nights lying awake, arguing with myself until sunrise, creating imaginary conversations in which I chose Reign and walked away from Elara, then replaying them with Elara instead. Every version ended badly.

Choosing Reign meant walking away from the woman I couldn’t stop thinking about and pretending that what happened between us in that library had meant nothing. Choosing Elara meant betraying one of the people who had been beside me for most of my life. Either choice felt wrong, and the possibility that I could make the wrong decision and regret it for the rest of my life was becoming unbearable.

I’d been attracted to Elara from the first moment I saw her. That part wasn’t complicated. How could it be? She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and I’d met enough beautiful women in my lifetime to lose count. But beauty wasn’t what had gotten under my skin. It was everything else.

She was stubborn enough to argue with people far more powerful than herself, yet kind enough to worry about someone else’s pain even when she was hurting. She was fiercely independent, suspicious when she had every reason to be suspicious, and strangely soft with the people she allowed close. She could be sarcastic, infuriating, unexpectedly funny, and ridiculously persistent.

She didn’t give up when magic refused to obey her. She didn’t surrender when everyone treated her like an outsider. She kept getting back up every time something knocked her down, and somehow she managed to remain compassionate without becoming weak.

And then there were the little things.

The way she talked to Crazy as though arguing with a sarcastic cat was completely normal. The way her silver eyes changed when she was excited about learning something new. The way she looked genuinely pleased whenever she accomplished something she’d previously believed impossible. The way she could be terrifyingly fierce one moment and laugh at something stupid the next.

She wasn’t perfect, and that might have been part of the problem. She was real. She made me want to know what she was thinking even when I knew I probably shouldn’t.

If I wasn’t attracted to her, then either my standards were catastrophically broken or I had lost my sanity years ago.

But attraction wasn’t the question.

The question was whether there was something more. And if there was, was it worth destroying decades of friendship with Reign?

I leaned against the cold stone railing and stared down at the lights beginning to appear across the towns. Things would have been so much easier if Elara had simply been another woman Reign had been interested in.

I could have flirted with her, pursued her, perhaps even fallen for her, and Reign could have hated me for it. We’d have fought, cursed each other, probably broken a few things, and eventually figured it out.

But she wasn’t just another woman. She was his fated mate. The Moon Goddess had chosen her for Reign.

So what did that make me if I knowingly tried to take her away?

A traitor? A selfish bastard? Someone who valued his own desires more than the brotherhood that had lasted almost his entire life?

I dragged a hand down my face, frustration twisting through me again. And yet another question refused to disappear.

What if I walked away from Elara simply because I was afraid of hurting Reign?

What if, years from now, I looked back and realized I had given up the woman I loved before I had even discovered whether I could love her?

I stared at the setting sun, unable to find an answer.

For the first time in my life, every road ahead of me looked like the wrong one.