Chapter 44: The One Thing She Feared

Sienna, Selene’s maid stood behind her lady, combing her hair. It was nighttime, almost time to sleep and Selene had just stepped out of the bath a moment ago.

Through the mirror, Sienna stole a quick glance at Selene. Selene had this calm expression on her face, like nothing could go wrong at all. Even when Beatrice had been taken away, she hadn’t even fretted one bit.

Her calmness had always been terrifying.

Sienna knew that very well, after all she’s been her personal maid for almost ten years now, and had escorted her here to Eclipse Crown before her engagement with Malachi was announced months ago.

The beautiful dark hair felt her silk between her fingers, and when she was done, she gently threw it over Selene’s shoulder and stepped back.

"My lady, I’m done,"

Selene finally looked at her reflection in the mirror, then gave a nod, "You can head back to your quarters now. Thank you very much, Sienna,"

Sienna bowed a bit, then she made to take her leave.

But the moment she opened the door, the sight that stood in front of her startled her so much that the light vanished from her eyes.

And...she fainted.

Selene looked at the door, where Malachi stood. The look in his eyes also startled her because it didn’t come with the usual rage and cold he carried with him like a second skin. This time, there was... actually hopelessness in his eyes.

The type that reminded her of what he carried for months after Katherine’s betrayal.

Selene stepped over her maid and stood in front of Malachi. Without another word, she reached in and wrapped her hands around his back.

He smelt like rage and sex, and it made her insides twist to know he had slept with the Rotblood again. But Selene didn’t show any displeasure on the outside and simply held him there.

Malachi trusted her. That was why he was here.

He trusted her enough to get engaged to her. That is why he had come here, because she was someone he could lean on.

Selene had always felt prideful, knowing someone as distant and cold like Malachi had always reached for her warmth whenever he felt lost.

Something no one else could replace.

And he would always need her. Because she understood him, and what he had gone through.

Cassian might think he understands, or the Rotblood might be mates to him, but she remains seated in a very special place in his heart.

"Come in," She took his hand and pulled him into the room, closing the door behind her.

They walked to the couch by the side of the bed, and she sat him down. She took off his furry robe, hung it and then sat down next to him.

"It’s a good thing you never trusted her," Selene began, making sure her voice was as soft as a feather, "Then, your heart would never get broken. And it’s not. It’s just the mate bond messing with your head,"

"Yes," Malachi agreed, his voice hoarse. "The stupid thing."

Selene smiled faintly, relieved that he’d answered at all, "It’s fought you before," She said gently. "When Katherine was alive... when she betrayed you... it still tried to convince you to stay. That’s what mate bonds do. They don’t care about right or wrong. They only care about keeping two people together,"

Malachi leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as he rubbed a hand over his face. Then he frowned, "But this feels...different."

Selene’s fingers tightened against her lap, "Different how?"

"I don’t know."

He let out a hollow laugh, "I’ve spent the whole day telling myself I hate her."

"You do."

"I should."

"You do."

"But every time I look at her..." His voice trailed away, "I feel like..." He swallowed, and she heard the pain in his voice when he finished, "...like I’m missing something."

Selene forced her smile not to falter. All she had to do was assure him softly, and it would gradually change his mind and deepen the hate.

She’d done this before, hadn’t she? This isn’t new.

"You aren’t." She replied, then she reached over and gently rested her hand over his, "Malachi."

He looked at her, though the look in his eyes was so empty that she doubted for a second if he was actually listening to her, "You trusted Katherine but she fooled all of us." Her thumb brushed across the back of his hand, "You trusted her until it was too late."

His grinded his teeth together hard.

"You survived because you learned not to ignore your head for your heart." She leaned a little closer, "Don’t forget that lesson now."

"I was intimate with her."

The confession hung heavily between them, and Selene’s heart lurched, but she didn’t let it show. She had already sniffed it all over him from the moment she had seen him, and the urge to go down there and rip that bitch of a rotblood into pieces was so raw.

Instead, she gave him the same understanding look she had perfected over the years, "And how did it make you feel?"

"...Angry."

"At her?"

"At myself." He closed his eyes.

Selene studied him carefully. This wasn’t how it usually went. Normally, by now, he would already be calmer. He would have started believing her reassurance. Especially since it was Della this time and he had only known her for a little over a month.

He wasn’t supposed to be feeling this...intense.

"Della confessed," Selene continued softly. "She admitted everything."

"I know."

"Then why are you torturing yourself?"

He laughed bitterly, "Because it was too perfect."

She felt her pulse skip, but she quickly force-flattened it, "What was?" She asked.

"The confession."

"Every answer fit." He said, his gaze drifting to the floor.

"Isn’t that what the truth does?"

"...Sometimes."

"But?" He looked up, eyes clouded with frustration, "I’ve spent years learning to distrust perfect answers."

Selene felt something cold settle inside her.

Cassian.

This had Cassian written all over it.

He was planting doubts.

She needed to stop this immediately

She shifted closer until their shoulders nearly touched, "Then stop thinking."

He looked at her.

"For once... stop carrying everything by yourself." Her hand rose slowly to his cheek, feeling the roughness of his beard, which was usually smooth as hell, "You don’t have to."

He didn’t move.

Encouraged, she smiled.

"You’ve always carried everyone else’s burdens. You carried mine, carried your daughter’s, and you carried Katherine’s betrayal. Even this pack wouldn’t be as it is today, if you didn’t carry its burdens," Her fingers lingered gently against his skin, "When does someone carry yours?"

Malachi stared at her.

She could see the affection there.

The little trust he didn’t give anyone else.

Years of shared grief and familiarity between them.

But, that wasn’t what she wanted to see. She wanted to see more. She’s been dying to see more in his eyes. That slight...flicker of love. Of what she deserved. Of what she felt for him.

She started to lean in slowly.

If he kissed her...

If he chose her now, everything could still be fixed.

It’s not the first time they’d slept with each other, and every time they did, she would hope for something when they were done. Some...spark.

Their faces drew closer, but just before their lips met—

Malachi turned his head, and her lips brushed only the corner of his cheek.

"...No." He stood abruptly.

"...Malachi?" Selene was astonished..

"I can’t."

"You’ve never—"

"I know." He paced away from her, dragging a hand through his hair, "I don’t know what’s wrong with me."

Then he hit the stone wall lightly with the side of his fist, "I should be relieved. I should feel nothing and I should be planning tomorrow," His breathing grew heavier, "Instead I can’t stop thinking."

"Thinking about what?" Selene asked as she rose from the couch too.

"...What if she’s telling the truth?"

The room fell silent, and the sentence echoed through Selene’s mind like a death sentence but she forced herself to breathe evenly, "Malachi..." she whispered, "don’t do this to yourself."

"If she were innocent..." he murmured, almost to himself, "...then I’ve..." He couldn’t finish.

Selene stepped in front of him, forcing him to meet her eyes, "Listen to me."

He did.

"You cannot keep destroying yourself over a woman who has already confessed. As I said before, it’s the bond that’s confusing you. And it’ll keep confusing you until it ends you...or you end it,"

"End it?" His brows drew together.

She nodded gently, "Reject her."

He stared.

"The bond will break."

His expression darkened, "She won’t be able to handle the pain. She’ll die,"

Selene lowered her eyes for a moment before speaking quietly, "She’s already been sentenced. Tomorrow, she’ll be thrown into the Rogues’ Pit." She looked back at him, "You know what waits there. If you reject her before then, it won’t change her fate. And you’ll be freed from the clutches of the mate bond,"

His face hardened from her words, but he didn’t say anything.

Maybe Selene was right.

Della... would die tomorrow in the most horrible way possible. He could actually spare them both, by rejecting her right now. Could...he?

"I need to think." He murmured under his breath, then walked toward the door without another glance.

Selene remained motionless until it closed behind him, and only then did the softness vanish from her face.

Her nails dug so deeply into her palms that crescents of blood appeared. The rage was so powerful that even her wolf surfaced for a moment, her eyes glowing bright yellow.

"So..." She whispered into the room, "You’ve started doubting."

Then a bitter smile slowly formed, "No. I’ve come too far to lose you now." Her gaze drifted toward the window overlooking the castle, "It seems to me that the Rogues pit won’t be enough to erase her, Malachi. And if it isn’t enough, then I’ll make sure nothing is left for you to question."