Chapter 158: Redeem yourself

Malachi wasn’t at the castle.

Cassian wasn’t even searching for the man at all. He had simply decided that it was time he returned to his own Pack, since the Rotblood situation that had kept him here in the first place had now been brought to light.

As he moved through the lone road that led straight to the castle, he came across Malachi.

The man was sitting on the bare floor, his back against a tree and his head hung very low. His boots were dirty, and his hair that was usually tied behind him had been let loose into scattered waves that fell over his face.

His breathing was uneven, and his claws were out and dug deep into the ground like he was trying to hold onto whatever sanity was still keeping him close enough to the surface.

He wanted to keep walking — pretend he hadn’t just seen a supreme showing the ultimate sign of weakness, and hope that they would never have to talk about this.

Ever.

And Cassian did as his instincts told him.

"Gideon has been separated from me,"

Cassian paused and looked down at the man. He had barely heard what he said, "What?"

"The night Katherine died," Malachi dragged on heavily, "She performed a ritual on me with Moonfire. She wanted Gideon for herself, so she extracted him out of me and tried to merge him with her. But...the ritual went wrong...and Gideon ended up mixing with Moonfire instead,"

Cassian closed his eyes to blink, and when he opened them, they were filled with shock. He had a lot of questions right now, even though he was still trying to process if what Malachi just said was actually possible.

"I do not have a wolf anymore, Cass," Malachi continued softly, "This...," He shifted his head a bit, motioning toward his claw hands, "This...is just a manifestation of what little of Gideon’s self is left in me, and I can’t hold it out for long. I can’t transform. I can’t howl, or growl properly. I don’t have the strength or speed I used to have,"

First of all, what the hell?!

Cassian was in a state of pure shock right now. Because if Malachi was serious about not being one with Gideon again and has been able to keep it a secret for this long... then Malachi isn’t just a wolf, he’s a beast.

His strength and presence he eludes all these years were nothing short of his name and his pack, and that was all without his wolf. What exactly would happen then...if he gets his wolf back?

"You don’t have anything to worry about," Cassian replied, "I doubt anyone is suspicious,"

"Selene knows," Malachi said, "She said it after you left. She...was there the night it all went down, and she admitted to also murdering Katherine,"

Malachi wasn’t sounding like himself at all, and Cassian had expected this since he also knew Malachi had found out about Della’s innocence.

Right now, Malachi sounded like a tormentor and tormented. Tormented in the sense that he’s sitting by the side of the road, looking like he had just lost everything.

Tormentor in the sense that his voice and his level of devastation right now was making Cassian feel like he shouldn’t have stopped no matter what Malachi had said. He didn’t know how to...handle this broken side of his friend.

He never did.

"Why are you telling me all this?" Cassian asked.

"You know...when I first saw Adelaide sitting beneath that broken altar, bleeding and trembling in fear...she reminded me of myself the night Katherine chained me down. I was also bleeding. I was still in a daze of disbelief at what was happening. I was shaking," Malachi let out a low, tormented exhale, "Seeing her sitting here...reminded me of myself that night. And I didn’t even realise how desperately I needed to just...punish someone. Being a rotblood and holding that same Moonfire? She had met all the criteria,"

"Again, why are you telling me this?!"

"I always thought she was the monster, that she was a devil desperately trying to hide under her fake angel wings. And I hated her even more for it. I refused to look closer...to see if those wings were actually real... because a part of me was actually afraid...to find out,"

Cassian now has a huge frown on his face.

He didn’t want to listen to this.

And he could keep moving. He could walk away from Malachi right now and continue his way, but he couldn’t bring himself to take a step forward.

"This... torture," Malachi’s voice was shaking now. Like he sounded like a lost child that had no idea where he was, "This... torment...I don’t know if I can...I feel like I would...I don’t know, Cass. I refused to believe her...I collared her and I...so many times, I...,"

Well, it seems like Cassian’s trip back to Nightveil would have to wait a few more days. His eyes were soft as he gently sat down on the floor next to Malachi, crossed his arms, and leaned back against the tree with his eyes closed.

Malachi never looked up.

His hair was still covering his face.

"I’m really sorry, Malachi," Cassian whispered, almost inaudible.

A gentle breeze carried under the tree, dancing with their hair and clothes a bit.

"I should have been there for you after Katherine’s death. I shouldn’t have left you." He pulled in a deep breath.

Silence.

"You can’t stay here and continue to drown in misery, Malachi,"

Malachi started to shake his head very slowly. He didn’t even have enough strength to do it properly anymore.

"You’ve made a lot of mistakes. You’ve made the biggest mistake of your life. That is inarguable. And it would rip you apart, piece by piece till there’s nothing left of you," Cassian turned and looked at Malachi again.

From that angle, he caught a glimpse of Malachi’s face. The man looked... unmoored. Like he had lost the thing that anchored him to this world. Like a huge chunk of who he was had also walked away from him.

"Which is why you have to redeem yourself, Malachi," Cassian turned away again quickly to regain some composure before the tears would fall, "Redeem yourself in all the ways you can think of. If you have to spend the rest of your life going after her till you win her back, then that’s what you should do. If you have to make the world look at you like a traitor for taking her side, then that’s what you must do,"