Chapter 200

Previous life.

Faint, yet unfaded memories.

"Muro."

Back when Teacher still called my name in that gentle voice.

A time when I wore an ill-fitting school uniform, its long sleeves covering my fingertips.

It was also the turning point where I nearly went astray.

That was why Teacher would call me into the counseling room as though it were part of our daily routine.

"What made you angry today?"

"Will you tell Teacher about it?"

I was all thorns back then.

Yet Teacher always took my hand without hesitation.

"You don't want to talk about it?"

I think I truly hated the world at that age.

More precisely, perhaps I resented it.

An unhappy life dragged an adolescent boy even lower.

I had been born without knowing why, abandoned against my will, then forced to scrape by day after day.

"Muro is a difficult one."

"Even when you're hurt, sad, or suffering... you hardly ever open up."

Before that jagged world, I kept my mouth firmly shut.

Teacher was someone who quietly waited for my voice.

"Still, Muro, you mustn't think you're alone."

"People can't live alone."

Whenever I stayed silent, Teacher would begin talking first.

I only listened quietly.

I heard about a wider world.

A world that was a little less hateful.

Sometimes, after listening, I would fire back with a few objections.

"We need to learn how to live together."

"Hm? You don't think you can?"

"What are you talking about? Muro is already doing well."

"You're always kind to the younger kids, and you're so polite to Teacher too."

Of course, I had never won an argument against Teacher.

There was a strange magic in that voice.

It was soft and affectionate, making it hard to find anything to say in return.

"Earlier, the younger kids begged you for shoulder rides, and you pretended to give in."

"You were in a terrible mood, but you still played with them for a long time."

"Muro is kind. You're especially softhearted with children."

Teacher had a way of speaking that made even my sharp words retreat.

That was why Teacher often had me wrapped around a finger.

"Teacher told you before, didn't I? You mustn't give up on everything."

"That's enough. Muro is doing more than well enough."

"Just don't let go of the belief that things will get better someday."

"In the end, everyone can change."

"Even the world you hate, even people who seem like they'll never change..."

Teacher always ended up talking about belief and other things I couldn't understand.

Looking back, Teacher must have been an extreme idealist.

Teacher always tried to love and cherish people.

Even when I threw petty tantrums, Teacher only held me tightly.

"Love, Muro."

"Not 'I love you.' I mean, you should love."

Living together.

The reason people cannot become fully human on their own.

"If you love, you'll understand. Not just love in the usual sense, but a broader kind of love."

"People are what make people human, and at the root of every person lies a love like a miracle. That's why we need to love."

People.

Or was it love?*

"Love. Love, Muro."

"Just as Teacher loves Muro, I hope Muro will love someday too."

If there was one flaw in the things Teacher told me, it was that part.

Should I say it was wrong?

I already loved, even back then.

I realized it a little late, but it was definitely love.

‘Teacher.’

I loved you.

Everything about life, I learned from you.

How to live, how to smile, why to love. I learned all of it from your very existence.

‘The orphanage.’

And I loved my home.

The shabby, cramped orphanage.

I loved the family waiting for me inside.

The adorable younger kids, even the friends I used to fight with. I could name every one of them.

‘Teacher, I definitely...’

Yeah.

The people I loved had definitely been all of you.

Only years later could I finally say those words aloud without hesitation.

[[Breaking News] Dozens killed and injured in orphanage fire... Man in his fifties urgently arrested]

[Flames engulf orphanage late at night... Many residents and staff killed]

["He set the fire while drunk"... Man in his fifties arrested over orphanage tragedy]

[Incheon orphanage fire tragedy... Arson suspect was a drunk man in his fifties]

It was too late to tell them, but I had definitely loved.

* * *

“I want to know about you, Student Viktor.”

“...”

The words carefully cut through the night air.

I sat silently on the bench.

I could feel the gazes of the others fixed on me.

“V-Viktor...”

“Viktor.”

It was fortunate I was wearing my mask.

Otherwise, the children might have seen the unease in my eyes.

“Muro.”

My mind, which had briefly wandered away, flooded my head with old memories.

Faint nausea and phantom pain crept over me together.

Out of habit, I touched my throat.

“...”

The children stood there as though waiting for my answer.

After a long silence, I had no choice but to speak.

“Kim Muro. Kim is my family name, and Muro is my given name. It was the name I used when I was young. It's also a name I no longer use.”

“When you say it was a name you used when you were young... how far back are we talking about?”

“A long time ago, Princess. A very long time ago. So long ago that there isn't even any trace of those days left.”

Kim Muro.

Those three syllables alone shook me.

I set aside the emotions welling up inside me, then fashioned my voice into something calm.

“The throat pain wasn't anything important. My throat tends to swell when I drink too much. It was probably something I blurted out without thinking while I was drunk.”

“...”

Javert looked conflicted.

It was a poorly made excuse.

I knew it, and so did the children listening.

“I'd like to tell you more, but... I don't think I can yet.”

The reason I couldn't tell the children everything was because I still didn't know everything about myself.

The words the status window had repeatedly shown me.

[Remember.]

[You are this world's last ■■.]

Then there were the Evil God's words from the winter courtroom where we had met.

Perhaps the identity they spoke of was...

‘...I need to confirm this.’

I had a rough idea, but it wasn't something I could be certain of.

I had already considered a way to verify it.

I wanted to postpone this conversation with the children until then.

‘This is different from Ranne.’

Ranne hadn't learned it from me. It was closer to her accidentally overhearing what Delkirn exposed.

I didn't want it to come out suddenly like it had then.

I wanted to be more prepared and take the time to talk with them.

As I asked them to wait, I made the children a promise.

“But... I will definitely tell you before winter comes.”

It was the beginning of autumn.

There were about two months left until winter.

“I would appreciate it if you could wait for me.”

“...”

I bowed my head low.

The children watched me in silence.

On that night filled with many thoughts, several hands reached out and held mine.

“Student Viktor.”

“Viktor.”

Warm hands clasped mine one after another.

Despite the chill of the autumn night, their warmth warmed my breath.

“I can wait as long as it takes if Student Viktor asks me to.”

“B-Because Viktor has always waited for us too...”

“Ah, fuck. You could've just said you'd tell us later. Why are you sitting there making such a big deal out of it? It's so damn cringey.”

“Yeah. Do whatever you want, Viktor. Honestly, I don't need to hear about the past. It's enough that you stay by my side.”

“I believe everyone feels the same way, Sir Viktor!”

“But when you tell us next time... you must tell us everything without hiding anything.”

Hands intertwined one over another.

Then, with their fingers laced together, the children wrapped around me in an embrace.

“Um, everyone...?”

“Waha! Lua wants in too!”

Lua stepped into that overwhelming tangle with a bright smile.

The cute black-haired girl threw herself into my arms.

That tingling warmth left me frozen for a moment.

The children accepted every word I had spoken, whether it was faith, lies, trust, or hesitation.

“...Thank you.”

After turning my words over and over, I finally said the simplest thing I could.

Something warm and soft stirred in one corner of my chest.

I found myself smiling despite myself.

‘Teacher.’

Teacher, I hope you are well.

One whole life has already passed since I lost you.

Just as you always said and hoped, I am loving others.

A truly wonderful love.

These children are like you to me, and this world is like the orphanage to me.

That is why I feel as though I am gradually finding the meaning of life I had lost.

I failed in my previous life, but I want to protect the love I have in this one.

I want to lead this world and these children before me to a happy ending.

I want to devote myself to them as you devoted yourself to me.

I think that is my way of loving.

Surely, I learned even this by watching you.

If I ever see you again, I want to read you every word of the diary I wrote so carefully.

I love you, Teacher.

I will look forward only to the day we meet again.

Footnotes:

* The Korean words for “person” and “love” are near-homophones.