Chapter 40 38. Headache

“Pay you, why do you want me to pay you?” Safraxi demanded as the group walked back to the palace from the bar on the edge of town. She was sitting just on the edge of buzzed. Eventually drinking more beer cup by cup instead of out of a keg just got boring and she gave up entirely. Tifse was awake now, and perched on Safraxi’s shoulders, as the dragon was still in her rat form. Tifse was enjoying getting to feel tall. “I just pulled you out of jail. You forgave me, and I’ve given you an awesome chance to fuck over the kind of noble pricks we hate. Have you changed or what?”

“When did I say I forgave you?” Magli smirked over to her. “I said I’d help you if you’re going to go back to Tiskin and build an orphanage. How does this help with that?”

“Wha- but what about-!” Safraxi sputtered and whirled on her old mentor.

“Hey! Watch it!” Tifse grabbed onto Safraxi’s ears for deer life as she was nearly thrown from her dragon’s shoulders.

“Sorry, sorry.” Safraxi fixed Tifse’s position on her head and continued. “Ok, look. I can pay you. I’ll even pay you not to keep working for Ylexi. I’ll even double whatever she’s offered! So how much is that gonna be?” She grabbed for her saddle bag.

“Ylexi is paying me ten silver monthly for this, as well as a two gold bonus if I can actually provide proof that you’re alive and where to find you, and an extra silver for any other bits of information I send back. She gave me a gold up front just for expenses. How are you going to match that?” Magli crossed her arms triumphantly. That was more money than most commoners expected to earn in an entire year, possibly two. There was no way-

“Yeah, fine. Stop sending letters and I’ll give you four gold right now.” Safraxi pulled the coins from her bag and tossed them to the moose. “And when we get there you can even see how much it’s worth to bring me in alive. I’m planning on going back anyway. Is that enough?”

Magli was wholly unprepared for the money to be tossed to her so casually. She barely caught three of the coins, and the fourth bounced off her wrist stump and went sailing past her, bouncing down the side of the mountain away from her. She stuffed the first three in her pocket and booked it down the street after it, yelling and cursing at Safraxi the whole way down until she caught it by throwing herself to the ground and slamming a palm on it.

“Careful, careful!” Safraxi goaded. “You’re gonna skin your knee, old lady!”

“Shove it-” Magli pushed herself back to her feet. “-Shove it, Safraxi! Where the hell did you get that kind of money?”

The dragon only shrugged and grinned, flashing her sharp dragonlike teeth. “A gift from granny. Something to welcome me into the family.”

“G-Granny?” Magli squinted at Safraxi until she seemed to connect the dots. “You don’t mean-”

“Yeah, I mean. And that ain’t the kind of thing we discuss out here. Come on, old lady!” She grabbed the moose and continued dragging her along.

“H-how much do you have? This- this is enough money to-” Magli stumbled as the rat-dragon took her arm. “WAIT! How the hell did you- change to-”

“Look, you’re not supposed to know at all, since apparently you haven’t forgiven me.” Safraxi grinned over her shoulder at the confused moose. “It’s for trustworthy people from my old life that I want to keep around. I don’t know if you fit that description like this.”

“Oh for-” Magli ripped her arm from Safraxi’s grip. “Fine! I help you with this plan of yours, for free, and you’ll tell me. Deal?”

“Deal. I’ll even teach you a bit of beginner magic.” She slapped the moose on the back and skipped ahead.

“Beginner magic?” Tifse glanced down, rubbing her dragon’s ears where she had tugged earlier.

“Yeah. She needs to be able to talk to me when I’m a dragon and Idami for this to work.” Safraxi made it back to the front of the palace and set the fox down again. “After all, we can’t have anyone listening in.”

Over the next two days, the group spent their time trying to teach Magli how to communicate with her mind, and trying to find where Alstif was storing the recipe, if he had a written copy at all. Tifse and Safraxi had taken turns poking around in his library in the dead of night, but couldn’t find anything that resembled what they were looking for. It seemed that for something that sensitive, Alstif had another hiding place.

Magli was able to communicate with Tifse now, but the dragons were still both a struggle. A dragon’s mind was more intense than a mortal’s, even as young as Safraxi and Idami were, and it didn’t help that Tifse was relatively new herself. Safraxi and Idami had been given two weeks to learn at the academy from an experienced instructor, but Magli had a mere few days max to learn from a rookie rider. She was already struggling with intense headaches following their practices. The mind was like any other muscle: give it too difficult of work too quickly and it would get sore from the strain.

“You two need to try another angle. He’s not going to keep something that important in his library.” Magli pinched her nose and shut her eyes tight after another brutal session of telepathy practice. “Does he have a safe, or a vault?”

“I… guess he has mentioned having a vault before.” Tifse shrugged. “I mean, the problem is that I don’t have any idea where it’s hidden, or how to get into it. We’d have to figure that out first, and I doubt it’s somewhere that it won’t be watched.”

“So let’s make that our first step.” Magli laid back in Tifse’s bed and groaned. “Finding the- fuck me it’s hot in here. This is not helping the headache.”

“Oh yeah, sure! I can cool it down a little.” Safraxi opened her mouth a fraction of an inch and released a feather-thin spout of frigid cold air up toward the ceiling. The entire room’s temperature dropped so drastically that the glass in the barred windows fogged up. “Ask her if that’s better?”

“Is that an improvement?” Tifse was already digging into her closet for a heavier coat. She was still in her airy summer dress, since her family insisted she wear them in the palace, and it was not enough for the chill her dragon had just created.

“Yeah I- how did you…” Magli leaned up from the bed again and cracked one eye open.

“She used her breath is all.” Tifse shrugged, forgetting how behind Magli was in these matters.

“I thought dragons had heat magic.” The moose managed to open her other eye long enough to squint at the snowflakes drifting down from the high ceiling above.

“She’s… special.” Tifse shrugged. “So, how do you propose we find it?”

“Safraxi’s got a good nose, doesn’t she?” Magli slammed her eyes shut again and put the pillow over her face. “There’s got to be a different way to teach me this telepathic stuff. I feel like I’ve got a branding iron in my brain!”

“Yeah, Tifse, Idami, and I went through it all at one point too.” She shifted back to her fox form and checked on the moose, ears perks up at a chance to be helpful. “I think you’re having it worse though. Probably because we’re rushing you. Want me to go check if there’s an herbalist nearby? They might have a headache cure.”

Magli managed to creak one eye open out from under the pillow to check which version of Safraxi she was speaking to. “Ah, you must be Safi. Yeah, if you think it’ll help.”

“I’ll go look. I’m not sure how scent is going to help here, though. Gold doesn’t really have a specific scent. You coming along, Tifse?” She offered a hand to her rider.

The desert fox leapt from her seat at the offer, but faltered. “I… I want to, but I shouldn’t. Magli shouldn’t be trying to talk with Idami right now, and she should have someone who she can talk with.”

“Oh… right. Idami?” She glanced to the orange dragon in the corner and held out a hand. “We do need to get back on your exercise with the new body.” She added mentally.

“Sure. I’ve been starting to feel cooped up in here anyway.” The long snakelike dragon stretched and gave her wings a few soft flaps before following along. “Good to see you again, Safi. It’s been a bit too long.”

Safraxi glanced down at herself and turned her paws over. “Oh, hah, yeah I guess I am Safi again, huh? How about this, we make it a race to find the herbalist first, since neither of us know where they are?”

“You’re on, but you’re sticking on two legs. You’d smoke me if you were a dragon.” Idami grinned and bolted out of the door before Safraxi could agree.

“Hey! No fair!” Safraxi scrambled to get out the door after her, transforming back into a dragon as she went. “I can’t be a fox in the palace! At least let me get to the front doors before we set those rules!”

“You’re getting a lucky break, having a good excuse to be a dragon in here!” Idami seemed to be acclimating to her new body more quickly than Safraxi had. Her stamina was already much better after only a week than her niece’s after a similar span, but that was only to be expected for a first generation dragon. They’d always be slightly stronger than a dragon of similar age from further generations. Idami was even pumping her wings to get short bursts of speed, and jump over small obstacles. She had the speed advantage in a draconic form, but Safraxi was smaller on two legs, and didn’t run into as many obstacles because of it.

Ultimately, since neither of them knew where they were going, it was up to luck. Safraxi was just reaching the shore and preparing to turn down another street when Idami’s voice rang in her mind. “Got it! Hah!”

“Huh, our range is really getting longer now, huh?” Safraxi gasped and took in a few deep breaths. That seemed like a pretty good way to get Idami some exercise. A pang of guilt shot through her again at the realization that her aunt was still missing out on all of this time with Tiamat. Idami actually wanted the family connection, and really did think of the goddess as her mother, and instead of spending these formative years with her loved ones she was here, a thousand miles from home, keeping an eye on her. This wasn’t right. “Where should I come find you?”

The other dragon began relaying the details to Safraxi about how to find her way to the little shop. As Safraxi arrived she found Idami with her head already inside, and in apparent conversation with the shopkeeper, an older looking mountain goat woman. “Oh! Safraxi! About time you made it. This is Alini. She can talk with dragons!”

Safraxi waved and leaned into the same window. “Oh, well it’s nice to meet you?” As she looked around she found the smell almost unbearable. She wasn’t sure how Idami could stand poking her whole head inside. “That’s… pungeant. S-Sorry, I don’t mean to-”

“Oh, I understand, miss.” The old goat was already hard at work at a mortar and pestle with some sort of infusion of herbs. “Dragon noses are quite sensitive, it even took me quite some time to become used to it. I remember well.”

Safraxi wrinkled her nose and nodded. “Yeah, wish I could put that away with the shapeshifting, but eh. No luck.” She glanced around the interior of the shop in closer detail. The walls were lined with thousands of little glass vials, each with a mysterious liquid of its own tucked away inside, and a cork and a bit of string with a little paper tag, assumedly some type of label. “Wait, you said you remember?”

“Yes, miss.” Alini nodded and began to mix some sorts of oils and mashed leaves into a vial, and lit a magical flame beneath. “I was a rider, once upon a time, to Ulovis, if you’ve heard of him. You both look young. Do you remember him? Are either of you possibly of his line?”

Idami and Safraxi exchanged looks but both shook their heads. “I guess I’m starting my own line, I was sired by Tiamat.”

“Amjazel, for me.” Safraxi was still a bit embarrassed to say it, but the dragon was technically her blood relation. “Wasn’t Ulovis like an old resident dragon for the city?”

“He never liked that term, he thought it was too detached and professional. He preferred being called the city’s guardian, but technically yes, he was the resident dragon.” She took the bowl of crushed herbs and began mixing them into the oils a pinch at a time. “I chose to stay here, after he passed, in the city he loved, but it’s been too long since I’ve been to Fellrock, to check on his children. The bond takes a long time to wear off fully. The mental link is the first to go, but a person’s resistance to aging isn’t too far after. The death of a dragon makes it go even faster, I’m afraid. I’m not certain I could make the trip anymore myself at this point.”

“What are their names? Maybe we ran into them?” Safraxi figured it was worth the offer. The lady seemed nice enough.

“He had a few, Gorilin, Norsdil, Virdigris, she was his youngest.” She sighed and kept mixing the elixir. “Poor girl didn’t get a chance to finish her training with him when he died. One of her older siblings had to take over.”

“Oh! I know her!” Safraxi perked up. “She just took her first daughter this year! Anisia. We were both chosen in the same class!”

“Wait, wasn’t Anisia already ancient when she was chosen?” Idami tilted her head. “I heard about her, she couldn’t walk without a cane before she became a dragon. How old is Virdigris even?”

“She should be nearing sixty years now, or thirty two since she became a dragon.” Alini perked up at the news. “Thank you for telling me this. Perhaps I’ll have to write this Anisia myself.”

“Wait, so wouldn’t that make Anisia older than her ‘mom’?” Safraxi squinted. These dragon families got weirder and weirder by the day.

“So what if she is? If Virdigris cares for this Anisia, then she’ll make an excellent mother.” Alini shrugged and corked off the bottle. “Here, I put a few extra bits in for your friend’s headache. This should help with the type you get from telepathic strain.”

“Oh, right, we did come for that.” Safraxi dug into her purse. These fuzzy paws were cute, but not as dexterous as her rat hands. “I still don’t understand how that can be a family, though. I don’t get it.”

“Oh, no need to pay. That news was more than enough for me.” The old woman put her hand up and waved Safraxi’s coin away. “And a family is whatever a family wants to be, for better or for worse. What matters most is they love each other. There must be trust there, that the progenitor dragon will properly care for and train the new dragon while they’re in a fresh body.”

“And… if they don’t train the new dragon at all, or less than they were supposed to, because the young dragon had to leave home?” She wrung her hands around the bottle.

“Then if they say they’re family, they’re family. If they say they’re not, they’re not.” Alini said with finality. “Why? Have you had to leave home?”

Safraxi faltered. She didn’t think she was talking about herself going into this, but… was she? “We… didn’t feel at home there.”

Alini nodded sagely. “Do what you need to do. A forced family is no family at all. Was there anything else I can do for you?”

Safi’s ears flicked back and forth like a metronome as she considered. Her memories of the last few days were hazy. Safi had been ‘asleep’ for most of that time, and she got almost nothing from Whiskers. Fraxi and Raxi… What should she call them when they were both in control at the same time? Fraraxi? She didn’t know how to ask. One thing did stick out to her though. “Do you… have a… gender… change… potion? Is that in your wheelhouse? I don’t know how potions work.”

“Hm? I could, but that is the sort of thing you have to make custom for the individual.” The goat smiled, seemingly excited at the prospect of brewing one for somebody. “I’d need a bit of your fur and-”

“No no, it’s not for me. I already- I already made that change when I became a dragon.” She chuckled nervously. “It’s for a friend. I know normally that’s a bullshit excuse, but-”

“Oh! Right, of course! What was I thinking?” Alini slapped her forehead and guffawed. “It would only cost a gold to brew, but for you I could knock it down to half. How’s fifty silver?”

“Yeah. I’ll bring her by later. Thanks.” Safraxi waved and tucked the elixir into her pocket. “Tifse, we’ve got a headache fix. We’re on our way back.”

“Good, good.” The fox’s reply came quickly and nervously. “My sister just requested a meeting with the both of us, it sounds serious.”

“Oh. Do I… need to…” Safi trailed off. It was expected for Fraxi or Raxi to be the ones to attend, not her. Sel’Ifis would remember her as taking the form of a rat.

“I…” Tifse faltered. “I care about all of you, but…” She was struggling to formulate how to best say it.

“I understand. We’ll be ready for business when I’m there.” She sighed and stopped for a moment to lean against a wall and collect herself. She hadn’t even been out in days until now. Did she only come out now when Magli needed help? The last time she had was when Idami was hurt. Before that… she was at the helm almost constantly, for a few days at least.

“Hey, what’s bothering you?” Idami nudged the fox-dragon with her snout. “Sorry, if it was all the family talk before I should have-”

“No. It’s not that. Or it’s partially that, but it’s mostly-” She put her face in her hands and let out a growling sort of quiet scream, and flattened her ears to her head. “I still don’t understand what’s going on with me, with- with the different ‘versions’ of me, or- or us, that everyone else noticed before I did. It doesn’t make sense to me. The last few days are even full of holes. I don’t how I never noticed. All I know is… I don’t want to go back to the other ones yet. Why can’t I be… ‘Safi’ just a little longer?”

“I can ask for you again later. I enjoy your company too, Safi.” Idami laid down before her niece and rubbed cheeks.

“But…” Safi crossed her arms and made herself as small as possible. “They’re the ones that are good at lying and sneaking and all that… Axe only comes out when we’re afraid, she’s good at something too. But I…”

“Also are good at lying.” Idami rolled her eyes. “You tricked both your moms into not recognizing you when they were staring you right in the eye.”

“But they’re both better than me! I feel guilty when I do it! I don’t- I don’t like lying.” She groaned and slid down the wall, hiding behind the dragon from the eyes of the passerbys. “And I… I look like someone else who exists. I still… I don’t understand why. I don’t even like her.”

The dragon tilted her head and considered for a moment. “Who then? Is it someone I’ve met?”

“No. Her… her name is Audirei. She was… someone close to Tifse, who turned out not to be trustworthy. Before we left the city we were trying to find her, so they could talk. When we… when we had to leave we went south specifically because we thought that’s where she would go.” She rested the top of her head against the wall and stared up at the clouds above her. “And… and we…” The memory was difficult for her. It was hazier than even some of the others, but trying to push aside the fog to gaze at what laid within was tortuous. She didn’t want to think about it, but remembering felt important. Why couldn’t she remember? Wasn’t that when she first appeared? She gasped a sob out and tucked her face back into her hands, shuddering as she was forced back out of the memory and to the clear and sunny world around her once again. However, the light and clarity felt like a cruel joke.

“Well… Fraxi and Raxi are clearly rats because that’s what you were before.” Idami began to walk the other dragon through the different versions of her, and their implications. “Whiskers is a tiger because that’s the form Amjazel likes to take, and Whiskers seems more on board with being her and Emren’s daughter. What about a red fox appealed to you?”

“She… Tifse liked her. But she hated us. We didn’t- I wanted…” She gasped and shook her head, her entire body trembling. “I- I-”

“Okay, this is more serious than I thought. Maybe this is something to talk about somewhere more private.” Idami nudged the fox to stand. “Climb on. Let’s get back to the palace, or temple.”

Safraxi wiped her face on her sleeve and stood. Idami was much easier for her to mount than the blue dragon was for Tifse. The orange dragon’s chest was much narrower, and smoother. She didn’t have any spines or sharp edges to worry about at all, while Safraxi’s dragon form was all sharp edges. She wrapped her arms around the base of Idami’s neck and rested her cheek on the back of it, before closing her eyes and trying to center herself.

Once she was secure, Idami stood and began trotting back to the palace. It took longer than it had to make it there. She had to go much slower with her passenger on. Safraxi wished she had just walked instead. A lot more people were staring like this. She must look absolutely pathetic, fighting back tears on the back of a dragon. She was just making all dragons and riders look bad. Maybe she should just hand things back to the others. They knew how to act.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Idami suddenly stopped. She glanced up and around to see why. They weren’t anywhere near the palace. As she glanced in the direction of their route to the palace she saw her. Tifse was sprinting down the street with a look of panic and concern on her face. Safraxi had been so consumed in her own worries she hadn’t even sensed Tifse’s.

The desert fox stopped to Idami’s right and held her arms up. “I’ve got her from here, thank you Idami.”

Idami lowered herself down again so Safraxi could dismount again. Her paws had hardly touched the ground when Tifse grabbed her and pulled her into a bone crushing hug. “You are not Audirei. You looking like her doesn’t mean anything, you know that, right?”

Safraxi wasn’t sure if she or Tifse was the more upset one. She shoved her own feelings down and bent down to hug the smaller fox on her level. “I know, I just-”

“Don’t do that!” Tifse snapped and shoved her off.

“D-do what?” Safraxi was shocked at the response. What had she done? “I’m sorry...”

“You’re putting other people first again, and don’t apologize. It- it took me too long to notice, but whenever you’re out you’re just… you’re just… trying to help people, even if you’re hurting, or in danger.” She took her hand and began leading her up to the temple. “You can’t keep doing that.”

“I don’t… I don’t know why I am this way.” Her ears flattened and she averted her eyes. “Sorry…”

“You don’t need to apologize.” Tifse patted her hand as she approached the doors. “You’re nothing like Audirei, you’re like…” She trailed off. Things were coming together some. “You’re like… what I thought she was. You’re an idealized version of her. You’re better than her in every way, but you need to care for yourself too.”

“I’m-” Safi caught herself. “R-right. No apologies. Sorry. Dammit!” She ran a hand through the fur on her forehead.

“Hey, it’s okay. Now I’m sorry. I don’t mean to stress you out more.” Tifse lead her down into the bathhouses. “Is it possible… that you look like her, and act like… my perception of her, because I had a crush on her?”

“Wh-what?” The dragon in fox form nearly tripped over herself down the stairs, but caught herself on the railing. “I- I don’t see how-”

“Maybe I’m just reading too deep into things!” Tifse threw her hands up, cheeks burning, but pressed forwards. “But- but you sort of… encapsulate all the traits I liked in Audirei, and some she… didn’t have in the first place. You’re expressive with your ears, you have her fuzzy cheeks, you like to help people…” She trailed off.

“Do you… like me?” Safraxi looked around, curious about why they were down here in the first place. “I-in that way I mean. I don’t even know how that would work, if we are… separate. And um… why are we here?”

“Well… I thought you’d like a bath, I guess. You seemed so relaxed when we showed up in town the other day.” She kicked her boots aimlessly and stared at the metal scrub brush. “I remember you really liked the metal bristles on that brush too.”

“That does sound nice, I guess.” Safraxi changed back into a dragon and slowly sank into the steamy warm water. “But you didn’t answer my other questions.”

Tifse grabbed the brush and rubbed it against the floor-tile sized bar of soap mounted to the wall, before turning and beginning to scrub Safraxi’s back. The dragon began to relax instantly, letting her wings splay out and float in the water, and resting her chin on the edge. Tifse was diligent, getting every single gap in the thick armor, using her link with the dragon to tell where needed more and where already had been scrubbed plenty. “I… yeah. Maybe I do like you. All of you, in your own way. And as for you being separate somehow… my dad managed to have four wives. I can only imagine it’s easier to balance them all if they share a body.”

Safraxi buried her face in the increasingly sudsy water until only her nostrils were poking out. “Y-you mean it?”

“Yeah. Whiskers is adorable, and she’s almost like… a little sister I never had or something. Axe… I barely know, but I trust that she’s just there to keep us all safe.” She moved up to getting Safraxi’s head, really laying into the hard and pointy horns. “But you, Fraxi, and Raxi…? I…” Somehow Tifse managed to choke up while communicating with her mind. “I really… I really think I love you three. We… started off rough. But I feel like we’re someplace so much better now. I can’t believe I ever even regretted bonding with you. This is the happiest I’ve been since…”

She couldn’t finish the sentence, but Safraxi instinctively knew. “I think this is the happiest we’ve been since we got our coldmark too.”

“Yeah! Oh thank Tiamat you get it. I was so worried I’d sound…” She sighed, and began reapplying the soap to the brush, before bringing it out again to work Safraxi’s horns a little more thoroughly.

Safraxi peaked her head back out of the water. The brush was heavenly, but it wasn’t her only reason for emerging again. “No… I get it. I… I really um… like you too. What do we do with that?”

Tifse paused in her ministrations and stared off into space. “I don’t know. I’ve never gotten this far with another girl.”

Eventually the pair made it back to the palace again, after Safraxi’s thorough scrubbing had concluded. Tifse had even toweled her down and waxed her scales before they left. Safraxi was still a dragon. She wanted to stay as Safi as long as possible before going back to Fraxi or Raxi for her meeting with Sel’Ifis. “I hope this didn’t delay the meeting too much. I don’t want to get you in trouble with her.”

“Fuck her. Let’s drop off the headache potion and then go speak with her. She can stew for another hour for all I care.” She held the door open into her bedroom for her dragon. It was still a squeeze for Safraxi, but she made it in. Magli was still laying in bed with a pillow over her face, and Idami was curled up in the corner again.

Safraxi shifted back and drew her potion from her pocket. “I’ve got your fix, Magli. Sorry about the wait.”

The moose moved the pillow off her face and glared up at her. “Took you long enough.”

Safraxi’s face screwed up in a show of anxiety and guilt, and her ears flattened again. “I um… I- s-sorry. Here.” She handed the potion to Magli and retreated back to Tifse’s side.

Magli sat up fully and groaned. “Sorry, Safi. Didn’t mean to snap. I’m just… suffering over here.” She uncorked the vial and immediately gagged. “OUGH! How can you even stand to be around that? It smells vile!”

Safraxi pinched her nose and nodded. “It’s pretty bad, yeah. Just… don’t get it on anything, or it’ll stick.”

Magli downed the potion in one gulp and gasped for air after. “Oh I can taste it on my breath still…”

“Wait, you guys!” Tifse turned up to the other fox to her side. “I’ve got an idea on how we’ll sniff out the vault!”