Novel Full “Then I will tell you a joke.”
All of Ding Ning’s tricks had been exhausted, so he could only squat beside her with a bitter face and keep her company. He had came up with this idea after thinking for a long time. Seeing that Xiao Nuo was still ignoring him, he said to himself,
“A woman said, ‘Husband, I want to eat instant noodles.’ The man said, ‘I will cook for you.’ The woman said, ‘I don’t want to eat the brand of noodles in our house.’ The man said, ‘Then I will go out to buy noodles of other brands.’ The woman answered, ‘After cooking, our house will be filled with the smell of instant noodles, and it’ll smell horrible.’ The man sighed and said, ‘Then I will bring it to you after I finish cooking.’ The woman pouted and said, ‘But it tastes bad when it’s cold.’ The man said helplessly, ‘Then let’s go out to eat.’ The woman shook her head, ‘It’s very cold outside, I’m too lazy to go downstairs.’ Her husband was a little angry, ‘What on earth do you want to do?’ The wife coquettishly said, ‘I want to eat instant noodles…’ This is how a man is driven crazy.”
“Pffft!” He didn’t know if it was because Xiao Nuo loved to smile, or because Ding Ning’s crying face was quite funny, or because she thought the man in the joke was like Ding Ning himself, but in the end, she was indeed laughing.
“Oh my goodness, you finally stopped crying.”
Ding Ning breathed a sigh of relief like he had been granted amnesty. Coaxing a woman was even more motherf*cking tiring than having a fight.
“Hmph, I’ll spare you this time. Next time, I’ll cry myself to death.”
Xiao Nuo wiped her tears and coquettishly rolled her eyes. She suddenly felt that her expression and words seemed to be too ambiguous. She turned away in a panic and when she turned back, her face was as cold as ice like before.
The speed of her change in expression made Ding Ning absolutely stunned, and he asked wryly, “Are you feeling cold?”
This question was intended to show his concern, but he accidentally added a funky taste in it. Xiao Nuo’s cheeks grew bright red, she grit her teeth and said fiercely, “You dare say it again?”
“Uh, take it that I had never asked.” Now Ding Ning remembered that her pants were still wet and he had accidentally touched a sensitive point.
He really didn’t think about it in that way, but she thought about it like that. However, he didn’t dare get angry for that, because her move “crying kill” was too cruel, and was the bane of him.
After he felt the numbness disappear and that his physical strength had recovered, he led the way, nodding and bowing in front of her like an attendant.
Fortunately, there was no forks in this cave. They kept walking and the road just kept getting wider and wider. At this moment, Ding Ning had completely overturned the assumption that this cave used to be a bomb shelter.
But if it was an ancient tomb, it didn’t look like one. So far, he had not seen any traces of a tomb, it was more like a huge underground passage.
Xiao Nuo kept shining the flashlight in all directions in order to prevent the bat king from attacking again. She congratulated herself privately for not betting again with this guy, otherwise she would have been cheated of another kiss.
But when it came to her mind that she still owed him another kiss, she would get all flustered for a while. She peeped at his nice and straight back, her beautiful eyes were shining with brilliance.
“If there weren’t that person, it would be very interesting to be with him.”
“Oh my! Xiao Nuo, what are you thinking about? He is just a stranger that you got to know by accident. You don’t even know his real name.”
“After today, you won’t have any further interactions, forget it!”
She didn’t know why, but when she had this thought, her heart inexplicably soured and her eyes dimmed a little.
In the distance, there was the slight noise of rustling.
“Not good!”
Ding Ning suddenly stopped and groaned, his face became extremely ugly.
“What’s wrong?” Xiao Nuo was rather preoccupied and didn’t pay attention. She struck Ding Ning on his back.
Ding Ning grabbed her with a backhand and held her in his arms which made her stiffen all over and she plaintively thought, “Did this guy want to fulfill our bet now?”
“Well, either way this debt will be paid off sooner or later. It doesn’t matter whether it’s now or later. If you want to, then come.”
Xiao Nuo pouted while blushing and there was actually a faint expectation in her heart.
To her surprise, Ding Ning suddenly squatted. He held her butt to separate her legs, and let her ride on his shoulders.
Xiao Nuo was so ashamed that she almost wanted to die. She secretly criticized, “I am too old to ride on his shoulders with wet pants, not to mention mine is wet with urine. It’s too embarrassing.”
But then Ding Ning’s words got her hands and feet cold and spoiled all her fantasies, “We are surrounded by a large group of mice. You must be afraid of rats, so stay on my shoulders. I am carrying you, so don’t be afraid.”
Xiao Nuo’s panicked heart was miraculously stabilized, and a wave of warmth rushed over her heart. She asked in a gentle tone that she never had before, “What about you?”
“I’m fine, these mice can’t stop me!”
Ding Ning said it with certainty, but he felt nervousness in his heart as well. With his vision, he could see those mice already.
There were tens of thousands of mice gathered together and their small eyes, the size of beans, were sparkling with a weird light in the darkness. Although he did not have an intense phobia, his scalp still tingled.
The only thing that made him relieved was that these were ordinary mice which couldn’t even bite through his simulated skin. If they were as fearsome as vampire bats, he could only turn away and run for his life.
“Motherf*cker, that guy was already evil enough, not only can he control cats, but he can control bats and mice as well, I hope there are no snakes here…”
Ding Ning grumbled. But before he could finish, his face changed. He wanted to slap himself because his good predictions never came true and vice versa.
Speak of the devil, countless snakes came out of the darkness behind the mice.
Other than snakes, there were spiders, scorpions, centipedes, cockroaches and a variety of peculiar-looking insects.
A modest number of each kind, but when they gathered together, it was definitely a huge army of insects. Ding Ning’s heart was beating like a drum, “Who on earth is this opponent? How can he be so evil that he can even control bugs?”
He really wanted to turn around and run away, not because of fear, these insects could not harm him, but because these insects were really f*cking disgusting.
However, before he could turn around, he found that the passage behind him had also been blocked by these disgusting things.
“Damn it, I was actually surrounded by these things.” Ding Ning took a deep breath, and not caring about Xiao Nuo who was petrified, he took out his large folding knife and was ready to risk his life fighting.
But he soon discovered that with a burst of rapid whistles, the mice, snakes, worms and the like only surrounded them at a distance. They did not attack as he had thought, instead, some were twisting anxiously which seemed that they were resisting something.
Ding Ning’s heart flickered, “It appears that even if that mysterious person can control these things, he can’t control them at will as flexibly as he could control the black cat. He can only affect them to some extent through sound.”
To his delight, Ding Ning thought that it was best to make these things kill each other.
But his hopes were dashed in no time. It was true that the mysterious person couldn’t make them obediently attack him, but they had not yet gone, and still surrounded him.
At this time, Ding Ning did not dare move. If by any chance he stepped on one of them, then that would stir the whole group to action. Although he wasn’t afraid because he had the biological simulation skin, he would only feel disgusted at most, but Xiao Nuo could not bear these things.
He pictured the scene of a flow of scorpions, centipedes, mice, and snakes flooding over them. That picture was so gross that he couldn’t help but shudder.
“What… What do we do? Are we going to die here?”
Xiao Nuo asked in a trembling voice. She was shivering from head to toe and she even did not even dare to breathe.
As a girl, even when she faced these horrible creatures, she could hold on and didn’t pee again, Ding Ning kind of admired her courage.
He raised his hand and patted her tight, elastic thigh. “Leave everything to me, don’t be afraid!”
“I… I…” Xiao Nuo seemed to want to say something, but she hesitated, and just repeated it many times like that.
“What happened to you? If you want to talk, then talk. If you want to fart, then fart- uh, no, don’t fart, don’t shoot a hole through my neck.”
Ding Ning said a coarse joke to ease her intense emotions.
“I… I want… I want to pee!”
Xiao Nuo was dying with shame. Her face blushed like a piece of big red cloth, and her voice was as small as a mosquito’s.
Ding Ning was stunned and smiled bitterly, “Dear madame, are you kidding? Peeing at this point absolutely equals to digging your own grave.”
“Now enemies all around are in a high degree of mental tension. Once you pee, who dares to say that the sound of urine won’t cause these disgusting creatures to attack.”
But he could understand Xiao Nuo’s mood at this time. When tension and fear reached a certain level, one would feel the urge to pee, which may lead to an uncontrolled bladder muscle spasm, or so-called incontinence.
This put him in an extremely awkward situation. “If it’s not solved, I can’t really let her get urinary incontinence and pee all over on my neck.”
“Other actors in leading roles with a beauty are all on romantic journeys, but when I become the leading role, it just can’t get more disgusting.”
Ding Ning secretly complained about the author’s imagination. He squatted down reluctantly, and said softly, “You may control heaven and earth, but you can’t control a shit or fart. It seems that it can only be solved on the spot. Pee here?”
“Here? How can I?”
Xiao Nuo’s face was so red that it seemed like blood could come out. Even if she was dead, she would still be too embarrassed to pee in front of a man. At the thought of that scene, she wanted to kill herself.
“My sister, I think that you should gather your courage. You are, after all, the captain of the special police team. As warriors, we don’t trifle over small things. Isn’t it just a pee? If you think that you are at a disadvantage, I will accompany you.”
In order to dispel her misgivings, Ding Ning took the lead. He directly unzipped his pants and started to pee.
“Ah!”
Xiao Nuo turned away in a panic, spat softly and cursed Ding Ning for being so shameless, but it indeed made her less shy.
A famous psychologist once said that if you wanted a person’s behavior to not trouble himself, the best way was to accompany him and commit the same mistake with him.
Although peeing was not a mistake, this method worked equally well in this case.
Xiao Nuo didn’t know this truth, but Ding Ning’s behavior obviously made her open up a lot. With a red face, she turned back to Ding Ning, untied her pants and squatted down.
Listening to the rustling sound of water, Ding Ning’s heart felt an itch. He really wanted to turn around and peek at that big white butt, but he thought he was pure enough that he decided to resist this evil idea with great perseverance.
After all, although he was romantic, he was not obscene. They differed by just a character, but what they stood for were totally different.
To be romantic was a kind of character, a kind of demeanor, a kind of style, and a kind of enlightenment in a realm.
However, to be obscene was to think about the problem with one’s lower half, it was the character of a man who behaved like a beast, it was to do things only driven by instinctive desires, it was known as the smelly rascal.
Xiao Nuo’s heart pumped like a drum, her face was so red that it could almost drip down water. She had never imagined that in any universe, she would have to take off her pants and pee in front of a man. Her bashfulness made her forget her fear.
After she had finished, she pulled up her pants, lowered her head, but she didn’t dare to look at Ding Ning. Nevertheless, Ding Ning squatted down and carried her up on his shoulders again with understanding.
This made Xiao Nuo inexplicably have a sense of intimacy and familiarity, or a sense of security and dependence towards Ding Ning.
The relationship between a man and a woman was supposed to start from strangers to acquaintances, from acquaintances to two people of mutual understanding, and then from two people of mutual understanding to a loving couple.
As for Xiao Nuo, she had a subtle feeling that though her acquaintance with Ding Ning was short, even less than one day, she felt that she had known him for countless years.