362 She's Still Waiting
Long ago, Ashleigh had found a deep cave about an hour’s walk from the training grounds.
The entrance cave was simple and deep enough for a temporary shelter that the native wildlife often used.
But at the back wall, there was a narrow passageway, one she could barely slip through. It was a long thin corridor that eventually opened to a deep natural well.
Rays of daylight poured through a small opening from high above. There was an echo of the soft drips of water that fell somewhere below.
Ashleigh placed her back against the wall and slowly edged her way down to another passage. This one was not nearly as long or as narrow. It led down a steep path and opened on a ledge.
Beyond the ledge was a large chamber. It was mostly dark, except for the small amount of light that fell from a small waterfall high above. The water cascaded down into a grotto.
A natural pool. A slight current told her that the water was led out of this chamber deep below, but Ashleigh had never felt the need to explore the icy blackness.
High up on the walls of the cave were dozens of small holes. Ashleigh had never climbed up to look inside, but she knew several must lead to the outside as a breeze came through the chamber. Occasionally a strong current through multiple tubes would make a sort of dark music inside the room.
At the center of this grotto was another unique feature, a small island, only big enough for one or two people to sit comfortably. On that island, purple flowers that Ashleigh had never seen anywhere else managed to take root.
Ashleigh had placed a rope ladder on the ledge leading down to the water many years back, and it still held. So she climbed down and followed carefully along a path of stones that led to the island.
She looked down into the waters, it was dark, but deep below, she saw lights. They spread a soft glow of blue or green throughout the water. She wondered if it was some kind of bioluminescent plant.
As she stepped onto the island, she smiled, reaching down, and touching the petals of the purple flower.
For days she had stayed in silent, secluded meditation for several hours at a time. But she struggled to find her way back to meet with Lily again.
To her credit, she had been able to keep the voices back. Though, she could hear the whispers at the edge of her consciousness scratching away and trying to make their way back to the forefront of her mind.
Bell had been the one to recommend going into nature and trying to relax instead of focusing entirely on the meditations she had learned as a berserker.
That was when Ashleigh remembered her secret cave.
It had been a very long time since she had come here.
When she first found it as a child, she had planned to tell Axel about it. But then she decided she would keep it for herself. A place only she knew about. A place that she could escape to when she needed time to herself.
She had never even told Granger about this place. Not once. Thinking back on it now, she wondered if she had stopped coming because of him.
There had been times, especially toward the end, when she could have found peace in retreating here. But the idea of Granger finding it had always bothered her.
She inhaled slowly and steadily. Allowing the air to softly inflate her lungs, and then she gently pushed it back out.
“How did you find this place?” came a whisper.
Ashleigh turned to see Lily standing on the small island beside her. She was looking out at the waterfall and the water below.
“I never thought I would see it again,” she said softly. Her voice was heavy with emotion.
“I found it when I was twelve,” Ashleigh said. “I got mad at my brother about something… So I ran off into the woods. When I thought I heard him coming, I ducked into the cave. I found the passage and… had to find out what was on the other side.”
Ashleigh smiled. She remembered the first time she saw this chamber. She was blown away by it, but Lily seemed familiar with it.
“You’ve been here before?” Ashleigh asked.
Lily touched one of the purple flowers. She smiled and then stood up.
- “My brother and I knew this place,” she said. “We spent hours here on this little island, though it was a bit large back then. We would talk and share our worries. This was where we came to feel unburdened.”
Ashleigh smiled.
“That’s why I came here, though I was always alone.”
“You shouldn’t have been,” Lily sighed. “Even though we eventually drifted apart, I cannot imagine not having had my brother with me.”
“It sounds like you and your brother were closer than Axel and I,” Ashleigh chuckled. “I didn’t mind not having him here with me.”
“I didn’t mean Axel,” Lily said, looking at Ashleigh. “I told you before that you share a gift my brother and I shared. But that is not the only way in which we are alike.”
“What do you mean?”
“My brother and I were twins,” Lily smiled. “As far as I know, you are the only twin created in Winter.”
“But you just said that you and your brother were twins…”
“We were,” Lily nodded. “But my brother was not a part of Winter.”
“What does that mean?” Ashleigh asked.
Lily turned away.
“It’s nothing you need to know right now,” she replied in a sad whisper.
Ashleigh wanted to ask, but she let it go. Returning to the subject.
“I’m not sure I would be considered a twin when I basically killed my sister in the womb.”
Lily laughed.
Ashleigh furrowed her brow.
“I’m sorry, but that was a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” Lily asked.
“It’s true,” Ashleigh replied.
“Hardly,” Lily said. “Your sister did not survive, and that is unfortunate. But you didn’t kill her. If anything, you carried a piece of her into this life.”
Ashleigh looked away.
“You are a strong woman; you always have been. Maybe that was a gift your sister gave to you.”
“Lian said something similar,” Ashleigh said softly.
“She’s not always wrong.”
Ashleigh chuckled.
“So…” Lily said. “Have you thought about it?”
“About what?”
“About whether you recognize yourself.”
“Oh…” Ashleigh took a deep breath. “I have.”
“And do you?”
She bit her lower lip. Considering her words carefully.
“The last few days, I have meditated and reflected on all the changes in my life. All the things that have happened to or around me.”
Ashleigh sighed.
“Between Granger, Caleb, my dad… my world has been flipped and twisted in so many ways… and then there’s whatever the hell Lian is hiding, and then you and the whispers. It’s all just…
confusing. And somewhere in all that mess, I stopped trusting myself, and then I stopped trusting the people around me.”
Lily nodded.
“Remember what I said about the shadows of the past,” she said. “Memories get twisted and confused.”
Ashleigh nodded.
“You have faced many challenges this year, but you have overcome them. You are strong and capable. But, more changes and hard truths are coming your way. Even now, there is a truth speeding toward you that you might not be ready for. It might make things difficult for you to understand your role. But it won’t change who you are.”
“What truth?” Ashleigh asked.
“You know that if I could tell you, I would,” Lily said.
Ashleigh sighed.
“Ashleigh, figure out who you are and want to be. And then accept her,” Lily said. “She’s still waiting.”
“Do you mean my Luna?” Ashleigh asked, but she was all alone.