314 The Right to Choose
“The Spring doll?” Caleb asked. “What is that?”
Sofia scoffed.
“What? Like you haven’t heard it before?” she questioned.
“I know an Alice, and she is a wolf of Spring,” Caleb replied. “But I have never heard that… title before.”
“Hmm…” Sofia said. “Everyone had heard of her in Autumn.”
She took a breath and crossed her arms as she thought about it.
“But then again, secrets, rumors, it all works differently in Autumn,” she said, looking up at him. “Have you spent much time there?”
Caleb shook his head.
“Tomas and I didn’t get along from before I became Alpha. I caused him a headache or two in the couple of visits I made to his territory.”
“Good,” Sofia scoffed. “The trips you did make, people were quiet, right?”
“Yes, it was one of the reasons I snuck out on my own. The people were too quiet. It made me suspicious.”
“As it should,” she replied. “It’s only quiet when an outsider has entered the territory. Otherwise, secrets are hardly a thing. But, unfortunately, within the confines of Autumn, no one hides their dirty deeds.”.
Caleb looked at her with disbelief.
“Don’t believe me?” she asked. “How do you think I know about all the packs that joined Autumn? Or about what happened to Blue Reef? The Savage Cove wolves were patting themselves on the back, practically shouting the things they did.”
Caleb shook his head in disgust.
“It’s hard to believe that the things I have seen in Autumn are commonplace… or to think that they are talked about so openly.”
Sofia laughed.
“You are something else…” she sighed. “I tell you that I was SOLD to a brothel at the age of ten… and you’re shocked that the people that would have such a place in their territory aren’t shy about betrayals, coups, and murders? But, of course, you do know this is the same ‘great’ pack whose Alpha is generally decided by murdering the previous, right?”
Caleb sighed.
“Just because I understand it’s a reality doesn’t make it any less ridiculous.”
“I wish I could understand that,” Sofia sighed. “Listen, everyone knows all the bad in Autumn because they’re proud of it. And because they know that if you run your mouth to someone outside the pack, you’re good as dead anyway.”
“So what about Alice?” Caleb asked. “She wasn’t Autumn, but it sounds like people weren’t exactly quiet around her.”
“Alice is different,” Sofia said. “She was sent to Autumn so often that she was practically a member herself. Not to mention, she never remembered any of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I don’t know what they did to her, but she’s called the Spring Doll because she could be whatever you wanted her to be.”
“You mean… she worked… with you?” Caleb asked carefully.
Sofia scoffed and shook her head.
“No, Alice didn’t pretend to be someone else to get their rocks off. She literally became a new person all the time.”
Caleb furrowed his brows.
“Look, I met her only a month or two after I arrived. She was only a few years older than me. She cleaned me up, told me stories, braided my hair, all that motherly shit,” Sofia said. “And then she disappeared for six months.
“I saw her in the street, but she didn’t recognize me. So I thought nothing of it until a few hours later when I saw her pummel three men and slit one of their throats before she disappeared into the crowd.
“Three nights later, Alice came back to the brothel. She went around to each of us, tucking us in, chatting, telling stories. I was so scared when she came to me, and she could tell. First, she asked why but I didn’t answer. And then she asked my name. I told her that we had met before, and she got a sad look on her face.”
Sofia paused, took a deep breath, and then continued.
“She apologized and asked if this was the second time we had met, I told her it was, and then she pet my hair as she whispered sweetly.
“‘I’m sorry darling girl, but this will happen many times. I’m a doll, you see. They dress me up in pretty clothes with pretty words. I dance and spin and play their games. But once the show is over, they take it all away, and I am left just an empty doll thrown back in the corner.’
“I had no idea what she meant, but she was so sad when she said it.”
Sofia looked at Caleb, searching him for any sign of understanding. She could tell he was thinking about it, trying to figure out what it all meant. But he came from another world. The idea of someone stealing your ability to choose your own life was ridiculous.
But Sofia and Alice knew a different world. One where the right to choose was a fantasy.
“I heard that same statement countless times. Eventually, I heard the rumors. Alice, the Spring Doll. She was a killer, a spy, a hacker, a diplomat… a little bit of everything and nothing at the same time. But she was like a big sister every time I met her. Doing her best to comfort the rest as much as she could.”
“You’re saying she didn’t remember you at all?” Caleb asked, crossing his arms.
“Not at all.”
“Then how does she remember me?” he asked.
“Because I’m not on the radar of whoever controls her,” Sofia scoffed. “You? You’re on everybody’s radar.”
“You know this all just seems like more reason not to trust her, right?” he said. “You’re telling me she isn’t even in control of her actions. So how can I trust that the things she does aren’t leading me into a trap, even if it’s not what she wants?”
Sofia sighed.
“You believe what you want. But I know her. The real her.”
“How?” he asked. “If what you’re saying is true, it sounds like she is getting treated regularly. Which is horrible, but it also makes her unreliable. How can you possibly know the ‘real’ her? Bitter Night is… it’s torture. It’s unlikely even she knows the real her.”
“I told you,” she said. “Pay attention to what people do when no one else can see them. That’s when they show you who they really are.”
Caleb sighed.
Sofia clenched her jaw.
“I said I saw her kill someone, yea?” Sofia asked.
Caleb nodded.
“I was terrified of her at that moment. But, when she came three days later, I was sure she had seen me that day and was back to keep me quiet….” Sofia paused. She swallowed. “When she told me she didn’t remember me, I was disappointed….”
She turned away from him.
“I was… tired.”
Caleb swallowed and looked away.
“I had been there almost a year already. Been passed around by all sorts, none of them kind,” she said quietly. “I was looking for a way…out.”
Sofia licked her lips and swallowed.
“I was scared, but when I saw her, I thought.. ‘this is it… this is how I get out of this’… But then she didn’t remember me, so I knew she didn’t know I had been a witness to the murder.”
She took a deep breath.
“And it gutted me. My way out… gone. But I was desperate… so I told her. I told her what I had seen her do.”
Caleb looked back at her, and Sofia smiled.
“She smiled, touched my cheek, and her eyes… they were so sad. Finally, Alice took a breath, got very close, then whispered to me that I didn’t see anything. And she didn’t hear anything.”
Sofia took a deep breath and wiped the tear that escaped her eye.
“She came back every night for a week. She visited with all the girls but stayed up with me and then taught me how to distract my mind during the day. How to push away all the pain and sadness. She fought for me when I had given up on myself.”
Caleb listened; it was heartbreaking. He wasn’t sure if he was filled with more anger or sadness at this point. Either way, he couldn’t speak.
“I know who Alice is, even if she doesn’t most of the time. The Alice I know isn’t her job, role, or skills. I know the person she is in the tiny corner of her mind that she escapes to. Because she taught me how to do it too. How to survive. How to make a bloody choice for myself.”