Chapter 92: Bathroom Escape

Chapter 92: Chapter 92: Bathroom Escape

A storm was already raging in Maurice’s stomach.

Now, spurred on by the sight of Pachy’s ugly face leaning in close, he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

"BLEAARGH—!"

A mixture of wine and undigested food sprayed all over Pachy’s prized little leather vest.

Time seemed to freeze for a second.

Pachy slowly lowered his head, staring at the filth clinging to his vest.

"Damn it! My little crocodile-skin vest! This now includes a vomit fee, a cleaning fee, emotional damages, and a visual assault fee! You owe me three whole Golden Shields, you damn piece of walking Dragon dung! Right now! Immediately! Pay up!"

...

「On the street outside the tavern.」

The cool night breeze dispersed the smell of alcohol clinging to them.

They were completely oblivious to the commotion that had erupted in the tavern behind them.

Hulk was currently confirming with the group when they would next meet.

"Let’s make it three days from now. We’ll rest up, and Belte’s injuries should be mostly healed by then."

The others all nodded in agreement.

Hulk reminded them, as usual, "I’ll go rent the Land Birds in advance. Everyone, remember to stock up on your own hemostatic bandages and basic herbs. As for food, Belte, you and Laila can order some traveler’s whole-wheat bread and jerky later. Don’t get too much; we should be able to forage for some food along the way."

"Okay, Captain."

"No problem."

Listening to Hulk’s reminders, Hesia couldn’t help but think back to their last trip to Shixi Village. He remembered his "picnic" attire, which had been so out of place compared to everyone else’s. ’I have Cloth Armor now,’ he thought. ’If only I had a Magic Wand, it’d be perfect.’

"If there are no other questions, then..."

"Wait a moment, Captain."

The others turned to Hesia in confusion.

"I’d like to find a place to buy a Magic Wand. The last fight made me realize that having one to help with Spellcasting would be a lot safer."

Hulk thought for a moment. "A Magic Wand? I’m not really sure about that... Oh, right, speaking of which, have you sold that Crystal Core yet?"

"Yeah," Hesia nodded. "After selling the Crystal Core and getting my cut from the materials, I bought a few other things. I have about eight Golden Shields left."

Hulk was a bit surprised. "You sold it that quickly? What was the effect of the Crystal Core? How much did you sell it for?"

Hesia then briefly recounted his experience in Copper Nail Lane from a few days ago.

Laila’s brow furrowed as she listened. "You just got to Rose Town. Why would you even think of going to a place like Copper Nail Lane to sell something?"

"I asked some people on the street, and they all recommended that place."

Laila sighed, her expression screaming, ’I knew it.’ "You didn’t ask those street vendors, did you? Nine out of ten of those guys are shills. Still, the fact that you managed to find your way to the shop that specializes in Crystal Cores means your luck isn’t half bad."

Hulk was more concerned about the Crystal Core itself. "What was the effect of that Crystal Core?"

"The Dwarf owner who appraised it said it was [Berserk], and that should be right. The owner of the previous shop described a similar effect."

Hulk nodded. "Crystal Cores from Thorny Wild Boars do tend to have the [Berserk] effect. 12 Golden Shields, that’s a very fair price."

Belte didn’t know much about Crystal Cores before, and now hearing the name, he immediately asked curiously, "[Berserk]? What kind of effect is that?"

Hesia repeated the effect of [Berserk]—how it increases your Power the more injured you are.

Belte’s eyes lit up as he listened. "Wow! That effect is practically tailor-made for a Two-Handed Sword Warrior like me! What a shame! If I had known, I would have borrowed money to buy it!"

"I didn’t know you needed it," Hesia said helplessly. "If you’d told me sooner, I wouldn’t have sold it."

"Why should Galen have kept it for you?" Laila shot back without mercy. "With your habit of being a sucker, how long would it take you to save up 12 Golden Shields?"

Clearly, she was still hung up on Belte’s habit of being a total sucker.

Belte rubbed his head, embarrassed. "Hehe, that’s true. Galen was right to sell it." Then he seemed to remember something. "Oh! Right! About the Magic Wand, I know a Mage Apprentice. He should know where to buy one."

"You mean Hain?" Laila asked. "Is he back from his quest?"

"I’m not sure. We can go check his place tomorrow and find out. The Birch Wand he has, he bought it after he got to Rose Town."

Hesia got the feeling Laila was hesitating, wanting to say something more. But he didn’t dwell on it. After all, he hadn’t heard anything about Magic Wands anywhere else.

"Should I go with you tomorrow, then?"

"Sure! How about tomorrow morning..." Belte thought for a moment. "8 AM, meet back here at the tavern entrance?"

Laila cut in, "That’s too early. Galen just drank a ton, let him get some more rest. Let’s make it 10 AM."

"Right, right! 10 AM it is!"

Although Hesia wasn’t the least bit drunk, thanks to his [Refined Gold Gastrointestinal Tract], he was more than happy to sleep in. Besides, he didn’t have anything else planned for tomorrow.

"Alright."

With the matter settled, the group went their separate ways.

Hesia prepared to head back to his lodgings as well.

Just then, a booming voice came from the direction of the tavern entrance:

"Hey! You, human! Wait up!"

Hesia followed the sound and saw two stout Dwarves heading his way. They were the same two who had been enjoying the show inside the tavern earlier.

One of the Dwarves, rubbing his own rear as he walked, laughed heartily at his companion. "Haha, Sorin! Told you we’d run into him again, didn’t I? Look, we saw him the second we stepped outside!"

The other Dwarf, the one with the bushier beard, huffed into his whiskers irritably. "Kerdin, that’s just us getting lucky! I told you to hurry up and come out, but you just had to stay and watch that human lad brawling with the goblin boss. If I hadn’t given your backside a nudge with my war boot, who knows how long you’d have kept watching!"

"Weren’t you pretty into it yourself?"

Bickering, the two Dwarves came to a stop in front of Hesia.

Hesia stopped and asked politely, "Is there something I can help you with, friends?"

The bushy-bearded Sorin declared, "Human! We saw you in that drinking contest with that other fellow! By Durin’s beard, that was one hell of a battle!"

Kerdin, the one who’d gotten a boot to the rear, gave a thumbs-up. "Haha! For a skinny beanpole like you, you’re surprisingly tough! I bet in your past life you were one of our long-lost Dwarf Brothers!"

Having his drinking prowess acknowledged by Dwarves should have been something to boast about, but Hesia wasn’t feeling particularly pleased at the moment.

He had something more important and more urgent to do.

That’s right. After drinking so much, he really had to pee.

"I appreciate the recognition," Hesia said with a polite smile, subtly taking a step back. "If there’s nothing else..."

"Not so fast, human!" Sorin grabbed him. "Listen, you’ve passed our test! We have an association, the Beard Wine Glass Association. The requirements to join are extremely strict: you have to be able to hold your liquor! And you, you qualify!"

’The Beard Wine Glass Association?’

Just from the name, Hesia could guess what kind of organization this was.

The problem was, he didn’t actually like drinking all that much!

"You two have the wrong idea," Hesia tried to explain, turning to head in the direction of Feipu Lane. "I don’t like drinking, and I can’t actually hold my liquor that well."

’The sooner I get back, the sooner I can take care of this... biological problem.’

But the two Dwarves clearly had no intention of letting such a "promising prospect" go, and they hurried after him on their short, stout legs.

"Our association is full of hardy lads who can drink a thousand cups without passing out, stand-up blokes who are true to their word, and heroes who can fell a Giant with a single punch!"

Sorin waved his arms, painting a "grand vision" for the association. "But once in a while, we need to bring in a few worthy human members! That way, we’ll have more to talk about when we’re drinking."

Hesia was getting flustered by their pestering, and the urge to pee was becoming overwhelming.

’Maybe I should just agree for now,’ he thought. ’I can always just skip the activities later.’

"Joining... are there any other requirements? Do I need to pay a membership fee?"

"A membership fee? What’s that?" Sorin waved a dismissive hand. "Of course not! All you have to do is show up for our weekly activities!"

Hesia had a sinking feeling.

"What kind of activities?"

"They’re fantastic!" the two Dwarves said in unison, starting to list them off on their thick fingers:

"Every week, we have the ’New Brew Tasting Gala,’ ’Legendary Story Night,’ the ’Mine Cart Drinking Race,’ ’Haunted Cellar Exploration Night,’ the ’Silent Drinking Game’ where the first to speak loses, ’Debating Heroes Over Mulled Wine,’ and the most thrilling of all, the ’Drunken Brawling Championship!’"

They looked at Hesia, their faces full of anticipation. "Well? Makes you want to join immediately, doesn’t it?"

Hesia: "..."

’Isn’t this just a bunch of lushes who came up with seven different excuses to get together and drink, seven days a week?’

His bladder’s protests had reached their absolute limit.

Hesia couldn’t be bothered with politeness any longer. He just wanted to get away from these two overly enthusiastic Dwarves, and fast.

"Sorry, I just remembered I have something urgent to do!"

The words were barely out of his mouth before Hesia abruptly activated [Wild Charge].

From the two Dwarves’ perspective, this human they had just graciously invited suddenly started accelerating without any warning, as if he were being chased by some ferocious beast!

They tried to give chase on their stubby legs. "Hey! Wait! Human! Don’t run away! The doors to the association are always open for you!"

But how could they possibly keep up with Hesia while he was empowered by [Wild Charge]?

His afterimage quickly vanished into the darkness.

Kerdin and Sorin stopped at the side of the road, panting heavily and staring at each other in bewilderment.

They simply couldn’t fathom how anyone in the world could possibly resist the fatal allure of "seven different themed drinking activities, seven days a week."

Also staring at each other in bewilderment were a girl and a dog, tucked away in a corner.

Bruce tilted his head. "Did Master forget about us?"

Zoya didn’t speak.

She silently pulled a small notebook from within her clothes.

By the light filtering from the distant tavern, she flipped to the newest page.

On it were two lines of text, written in elegant Elven Language:

Mélé melotorni cenë (He likes romance novels), mélé luci (He likes drinking).

Then she took out a quill and gently struck a line through the words mélé luci.