Martial King’s Retired Life

Verbal Warfare with the Captain

The Qilin Guards are off to catch a criminal while we're stuck guarding the city gates. This is putting the horse before the cart no matter how I slice it. Don't tell me…

I asked: "Captain, did his majesty give you a scolding today?"

Captain Song kept silent, but the surprised look in his eyes told me that I was correct. So it's because the emperor hates you?! All of Liu Shan Men has to go and guard the city gates because of that?!

What I said made him look bad so he shot me a death-stare. Song Bastard never liked me from the start because I groped his fiancée in front of the orange prince that day and said I'd steal Boss Shen from him. But that was all an accident… Didn't we clear that up already? How petty.

Well, who cares.

"In other words, we have to give up the chance to accomplish something, and we have to go and do a tiresome job with minimal numbers?"

"That's right!"

What, you serious?

Captain Song wasn't logically discussing the matter any longer. He was basically just giving us a ridiculous order to go and do something meaningless. He forcefully suppressed his anger, wore a cold expression and asked: "So what?"

"Of course that won't do!" Su Xiao jumped out and angrily exclaimed: "We just managed to find some clues on the case. Captain, please discuss it with the emperor and have him withdraw the order. Otherwise… I'll speak to him. His majesty really likes me, you know."

"The emperor was just joking with you, why would you think he was serious?" Using a tone that sounded like a detective telling a scum who'd fallen head over heels for a woman, he said: "Do not spout nonsense! The emperor cannot take back an order he has given. Not even the current retainers could get him to, let alone a youngster like you!"

Hey, are you talking about yourself…?

Su Xiao didn't care though. He pouted his lips and retorted: "But Big Brother Ming and I easily found clues when we went to investigate at the Qilin Guards main courtyard today. Wouldn't all our work be for naught if we gave up now?"

Hey, hey! Just mention yourself. Don't drag me into this.

Su Xiao didn't stop: "Big Brother Ming had a high fever today and yet he was able to identify how those people died with just a glance. He even analysed it for Liu Zi from the Qilin Guards as well as Hero Tie, Tie Hanyi from the Emperor's Entourage. Miss Ye, Ye Luo repeated it and they both expressed great admiration for him." Su Xiao's small face went completely red. He was as happy as though he had accomplished an achievement.

But could you stop saying that I have a fever?! I'm not sick!

Captain Song's expression changed. He angrily asked: "You went to the Qilin Guards main courtyard? What the hell! Whose idea was it?"

Before anybody could say anything, he stared at me. He looked at me the same way evil female spirits react to Tang Zeng's flesh, eager to swallow it whole and said: "I knew it was you, Ming Feizhen!"

Hey! Nobody said anything, did they? Did you get possessed?

"How can you behave like that as the captain of your small team? Su Xiao and Tang Ye are young and unexperienced. How could you ruin them like that? Hmm? If their futures are hindered because of it, you'll be held responsible!"

Looks like the detective god possessed Captain Ou again. How dare a scumbag like you stare at me with that look? I wish I could spit on you ten thousand times to warn all the women of the world to be cautious of the scum bag you are.

"Su Xiao, Tang Ye, be careful of that punk. He'll ruin you."

Hey, I've only said two sentences up till now! I don't recall pissing you off.

"Song Ou!!" Su Xiao quickly took two steps forward and slammed the table with his hand harder than Captain Song. His gaze even exuded Boss Shen's aura, "Big Brother Ming was working! Why are you scolding him when he finally decided to work hard for a month? What happens if he reverts back to being a bum like before?!"

Go, My Su Xiao!

Su Xiao directly challenged Captain Song's superiority which made him lose more face than he could ever hope to make up for. His detective-expression finally crumbled.

But why does it sound like I've been raising a boy-toy…?

Song Ou's expression changed again. He took in a very deep breath and said: "Fine. Let's put that aside for now. Do you know how the vendetta the Qilin Guards have against us? You causing trouble like that will make them come here and start trouble with us, you know?"

I felt somewhat unhappy when I heard that.

The key to solving cases is speed. We mentioned the case, and instead of asking about our findings or the case, you're worried about people starting trouble with you?

I straight-out said: "The vice-captain had us go and investigate the case."

"Don't use the vice-captain to push me around!" Boss Shen's prestige at Liu Shan Men seems to be Song Ou's kryptonite. He furiously pointed at me: "I'm the captain, she's the vice-captain. Can't you tell whose rank is superior?! If I say you're wrong, you're wrong!"

What?!

I'm wrong if you say I'm wrong? Is that something a captain should say?

I couldn't be bothered with him so I just rolled my eyes at him.

Song Ou got angrier. Our gazes met and it was like thunder clashing. We stared at each other for a while. Nobody spoke while the atmosphere in the room became more and more oppressive.

Our bitch-fight is about to break out!

But…

Somebody from outside suddenly came running over and reported: "Captain Song, there's trouble!"

"What?! Don't you know what rules are?!" Song Ou was pissed. He shot the servant who entered a cold and uncompassionate glare, "What is it? Can't you report it properly?"

"We have trouble! The vice-captain of the Qilin Guards, Long Zaitian is here. He said Tang Ye beat their men up, while Ming Feizhen and Su Xiao forged the emperor's edict to sneak into their main courtyard. Their captain is looking for the three of them now!"

"Ah!" Song Ou sat back down in an instant. "What shall we do?"

Su Xiao, Tang Ye and I exchanged glances.

Alright. This has nothing to do with us. Let's leg it.

When we reached the door, a roar came from behind

"The three of you, stop!!"

Glossary

Tang Zeng is the monk from Journey to the West