Martial Arts Masochist

One day.

After Dang Soran ordered every dish on the menu at a rundown inn.

“No? Come on, isn’t trying to mooch off me just too beggar-like? Well… if you have fun with me today, I might share? Just like you did with Wol.”

Two days.

As she entered a fancy inn right in front of me.

“No? I’m only booking one room, you know? If it bugs you that much, wanna come in together? I’m fine with it.”

Three days.

Popping the snacks she’d brought into her mouth one by one.

“Want one? Just kidding~ I’m not sharing! Ah, so delicious!”

Four days.

Looking at me as I lamented my hunger.

“What? You could only eat porridge? I had dumplings, chicken, duck…”

My insides were bubbling with rage too.

A joke or two is fine, but when it drags on for days without end, even my reason starts to blur.

Just closing my eyes brings up Dang Soran’s giggling face.

She’s so infuriating that the moment I spanked her ass even shows up in my dreams.

Because of my tight memories in the capital, I’ve been scrimping on money, and right beside me, she keeps doing this.

Rich young ladies really are different.

It’s like she’s constantly reminding me how poor and struggling I am.

This crazy bitch is now using her own money to mock me.

Today, on the road to Zhongqing, Dang Soran’s mouth didn’t stop.

“Young Master. Should I just treat you today? Food or lodging… Hmm, no. Cancel!”

As her lips twitched again, Dang Soran grinned with delight.

I inwardly chanted Buddha’s name to quell my anger.

Endure. Endure.

No, even if I don’t endure, there’s nothing I can do… but endure.

I exercised my patience and made a request of her.

“Young lady, enough with the jokes now.”

Dang Soran mimicked my words.

“Young lady, enough with the jokes now. Pffft!”

Then she burst into cheerful laughter.

“…”

I really want to hit her. But reality won’t even let me snap back with a word.

Because I know how much help she’ll be on this journey.

Without her, no Detoxification Immortal Root. Then Namgung Yeon’s fate is uncertain too.

In the end, I have no choice but to play along.

“…Haha, funny joke, young lady. You got me.”

At my dry response, Dang Soran’s smile turned into a pout.

“Coward. You don’t even get mad no matter how much I tease you.”

“…What can I even do if I get mad?”

“Why? Like that time in the room, just… spank me reaaally…? Reaaally…!”

“O-outside, let’s not say that.”

“Who’s gonna hear?”

“Birds and mice might, so let’s not. Okay?”

I never imagined I’d end up marked by the Hao Gate back then.

So let’s just be careful, us. No need to say unnecessary things!

“Ah, Young Master. Hold on a sec.”

“Yes?”

“Um… you know…”

Dang Soran averted her gaze and dismounted the donkey.

Suddenly ladylike, she shyly said,

“…I’ll go pick some flowers.”

“…Ah. Sure.”

Dang Soran flushed red and vanished into the trees and bushes.

I walked a bit farther to put some distance and waited for her.

This journey’s already almost a week in, but we’re not even halfway to Zhongqing.

Will the Detoxification Immortal Root still be there by then? Can we even find it?

We’re moving fast, but… sigh, with Dang Soran like this, the trip’s even harder.

“…?”

That’s when something caught my eye—a pouch.

“…Huh?”

It was casually left on the donkey. Dang Soran’s bottomless well.

I glanced toward where Dang Soran had gone, then back at the pouch.

…Come to think of it, that pouch is the source of all her arrogance right now.

With the money from that pouch, she buys food, rents inns… and uses it as ammo to tease and prank me.

In the most ridiculous way, her weakness has been exposed.

“…”

The deliberation was extremely brief. My body moved on instinct.

Who knows when another chance like this will come. This might be the last.

My irritation toward her had peaked; there was no time to think.

They say beggars like me have sticky fingers. Dogs can’t stop eating shit.

I quickly snatched the pouch. A peek confirmed it was definitely a money pouch.

Packed full of silver taels and copper coins.

…She’s insanely rich, for real.

Poison King, that old man—what the hell does he give his daughter?

I swallowed hard, then transferred all the contents to my own pouch.

Rip!

Then I tore a small hole in the bottom of Dang Soran’s pouch.

Mission accomplished, I casually tossed the pouch back onto the donkey and waited for her like nothing happened.

Even the donkey seemed to snicker along with me. It must be tired of Dang Soran’s chatter too.

Boredom relief.

I’m not stealing it—just holding onto it for a bit.

What if she loses it?

…Yeah, time to teach this spoiled brat a lesson. Who leaves it lying around?

You grew up all pampered, huh? Let’s see how long you last without money, you bitch.

What? Poor and ugly? Let’s see how ugly you get. Raised with everything handed to you…

Childish, sure, but the thrill is absolute.

I forcibly suppressed the grin creeping onto my face.

Soon enough, Dang Soran reappeared and mounted the donkey.

“Let’s go now!”

“You said you were picking flowers—where are they?”

“…Let’s go!”

She didn’t even notice her pouch had been emptied.

Well, why would someone like her ever tangle with a pickpocket thug like me?

As delicately raised as she is, she’d never imagine such sleazy tricks.

She could’ve just gotten more if she’d lost it anyway.

“Young Master, you’ve been smelling worse lately! Shouldn’t you wash up in a stream or something?”

“…Heh heh heh.”

“…? Why are you laughing…”

“Oh, nothing. Just… traveling with you is so fun, young lady.”

“Ah…! Th-that… yeah.”

Dang Soran fell briefly silent.

I kept chuckling to myself as we pressed on.

.

.

.

“Eh??”

We’d lit a campfire near a small village for camping when a pleasant shriek rang out.

“What’s wrong!”

I put all my effort into acting.

As I approached the loudly exclaiming Dang Soran, she was frantically shaking her now-holed and empty pouch.

“…Wh-what?”

“A hole? No way?”

“N-now I have no money…?”

“Must’ve all spilled out. Aigoo, all that money…”

“…Ah, this won’t do?”

“Heh heh… now what about lodging and food…”

Dang Soran, in a panic, looked back along the path we’d taken.

She quickly made up her mind and struck a pose like she’d go retrieve the spilled coins.

“Where you going, young lady?”

I grabbed her arm.

“I-I have to pick it up!”

“Spilled money’s gone—that’s common sense. Someone else has probably snatched it up already. Even if you go now, it’s too late, hard to find, and you’ll just waste stamina and time. Who knows when it started leaking?”

“Ah… then… what about… sleep? Food?”

I shrugged like I had no idea.

Ha. So refreshing.

Days of pent-up frustration poured right out.

Her playful expression turned serious, and the real Dang Soran emerged.

She even looked a bit flustered. Well, has she ever been broke before?

Her eyes darted around like a traveler who lost their passport.

“Why not just put food and lodging on a tab? The Tang Clan of Sichuan will pay up.”

“As if that’d work…!”

“Yeah, wouldn’t, right? Plenty of impersonators out there.”

“I-I’ll go to the capital. It’s nearby, yeah? You go ahead, Young Master. I’ll catch up—”

“—Forgot we’re racing to retrieve the Detoxification Immortal Root? We have to hurry. Who knows when we’ll meet up again or coordinate. Split up, and it’s over.”

“Ah… seriously…!!”

Dang Soran stomped her feet, unable to decide.

My plan was already perfect in my head.

I’d make the pampered Dang Soran, used to comfy beds and fine food, sleep where I sleep and eat what I eat.

Once she sees how I live, she won’t tease like before.

Like how working part-time makes you nicer to part-timers.

“For now… I’ll get the campfire going, so you think it over.”

“Huh? Young Master! This is a huge deal—why are you so chill!”

“What’s it got to do with me? It’s not like you spent it on me.”

“…Urk…”

Yeah, that expression! The thrill is insane, for real.

Was all that week of torment just for this moment?

After that, I lit the fire and filled my belly.

“Want some?”

“Wh-who’d eat that dog food…?”

Dang Soran’s stomach growled, but she refused my offering.

Fair enough—even I thought it didn’t suit Dang Soran.

Then I just sprawled by the fire and went to sleep.

“Y-Young Master…! B-bugs’ll come out…!”

“The Poison Phoenix Dang Soran afraid of bugs? The bandits will laugh.”

“You’re really… really sleeping on the ground like this? At least a cart…”

“I’m sleeping. Do what you want.”

I turned my back to Dang Soran and dozed off.

Her whimpers, as if the situation was too horrific, became my lullaby.