Martial Arts Masochist

Cheongwol changed her clothes and calmed her emotions before standing quietly in the basement for a moment.

When she finally took off that vulgar outfit she had so despised wearing and draped her simple martial attire over her body once more.

For that fleeting instant, she denied the faint regret she felt.

It still looked utterly vulgar no matter how she looked at it. She couldn’t believe she had worn something like that.

And thinking of Han Seojin staring at her in it like he was appraising her made heat rise to her skin.

Yet even so, the thrill of sharing a secret with Han Seojin made her heart race in a strange way.

She shook her head again.

A game was just a game. She had to return to reality.

Once she went upstairs, Han Seojin would probably switch back to polite speech again.

Cheongwol climbed the basement stairs.

As she quietly stepped outside.

The faint aroma of food wafted toward her.

The Tang Clan’s music was still blaring noisily from outside.

The lively laughter of people carried faintly on the wind.

The world she had momentarily forgotten came rushing back to her.

Han Seojin was warming something over the hearth in the corner of the house.

Cheongwol stared at him awkwardly for a moment, and Han Seojin glanced at her before speaking quietly.

“I… no, I haven’t eaten yet…”

Come to think of it, she had come to the Leather Room early in the evening.

It was still too early for dinner then. Now night had deepened.

Far off, the Tang Clan’s banquet blazed brightly.

Cheongwol listened to the sounds from outside, then looked at Han Seojin again.

While everyone else reveled so joyfully, Han Seojin alone seemed a bit lonely.

In that moment, she felt like he was looking at her and asked.

“…But… why didn’t you go to the banquet?”

Earlier in the evening, Han Seojin hadn’t seemed interested in going.

“Well… it didn’t seem like it’d be fun.”

Cheongwol frowned. Strangely, she could tell that was a lie.

Han Seojin glanced at her and blurted out the truth.

“…There are so many martial artists there. I don’t like that.”

“…”

Those words tugged at her a little.

For the first time, Cheongwol wondered why he disliked martial artists so much.

“…How did you end up hating martial artists this much?”

“…I told you. In front of martial artists, someone like me—a mere commoner—feels utterly insignificant. Who would want a tiger prowling nearby?”

Without thinking, Cheongwol whispered back.

“…What about me?”

“Pardon?”

“…Never mind.”

A long, awkward silence followed.

Cheongwol could sense the mood.

They had nothing to say, yet they were searching for words to fill the air.

Their eyes kept meeting and drifting apart.

“Well…”

Unable to wait any longer, Han Seojin asked.

“…Aren’t you going?”

“…”

Cheongwol knew it too. There was no reason to stay here anymore.

Yet her feet wouldn’t move.

She couldn’t bring herself to leave this shabby, cramped, dirty house.

She knew returning to the Emei Sect temple to rest would be the best thing.

Her body was already exhausted and languid. Her mind had found some peace… no, it was filled with thoughts of someone, but there was no discomfort at all.

It was the perfect state for a deep sleep.

“…”

Even so, she couldn’t make herself leave.

Her body twitched, turning halfway, then turning back again.

If she left now, it would be ten days.

Ten days of acting like ghosts around each other again.

At first, she had thought it was no big deal and accepted the promise.

But now, reconsidering it, ten days felt a bit too long.

She felt a slight dissatisfaction.

But interpreting that signal somehow, Han Seojin, who had been watching her, pulled over a shabby chair and offered it to Cheongwol.

She hadn’t intended to stay, but she quietly sat down anyway.

Han Seojin said.

“If you’re hungry, have a little before you go…”

With that, he brought over the food he had been warming and set it on the table.

Han Seojin carefully sat across from her.

On the table were dumplings.

He said awkwardly.

“You must have… used up a lot of energy, right? Fill your stomach before you go. Even back at the Emei Sect, mealtime… no, the hour for offerings will have passed.”

Steam rose gently from the dumplings.

As Han Seojin said, Cheongwol had come without eating.

But she didn’t particularly feel like filling her stomach.

She had no real memory of ever enjoying food.

What was so great about eating grass?

Still, she asked first.

“…What kind of dumplings?”

“Meat dum… oh.”

“…I told you I don’t eat meat.”

Han Seojin hesitated a moment, then quietly asked.

“…But you said the Emei Sect doesn’t forbid meat… so why do you…”

Young lady?

That was the proper term, but it grated on her ears for some reason.

Hiding her discomfort, Cheongwol continued.

“…Because the Sect Leader liked it that way even more.”

“…You really look up to the Sect Leader.”

“…”

She couldn’t respond to that. Cheongwol herself no longer fully understood her own feelings.

Right now, she resented and disliked her… but the undeniable truth was that she loved the Sect Leader more than anyone.

It wasn’t that she wanted to shatter the Sect Leader’s expectations or disappoint her just because she hadn’t praised her or had persuaded her to enter the duel.

A deep affection she couldn’t sever still lingered within her.

At her silence, Han Seojin seemed to realize his mistake and changed the subject.

“A-anyway… I’m hungry, so…”

With that, he pulled toward himself the bamboo steamer containing four dumplings.

Thwack!

Cheongwol’s hand reflexively blocked it.

If she didn’t eat here, she’d have to leave with nothing to do.

If she wanted to stall for time, eating this was the right choice.

And these were dumplings Han Seojin had offered.

Strangely, she felt like giving it a try.

Besides, she was hungry. And the Sect Leader wasn’t watching.

Cheongwol picked up a warm dumpling.

She couldn’t even imagine what it would taste like.

“…Ah.”

As Cheongwol moved to eat, Han Seojin let out a small sound.

She looked at him, and he fussed.

“P-please, eat.”

“…”

Why did she suddenly want to indulge this whim?

It had been so long since she’d eaten meat that she couldn’t even remember the taste.

Back when she lived with her parents, meat had been so rare she hardly ever had it.

After joining the Emei Sect, she had avoided meat to be cherished.

Meat didn’t even appear in the temple’s offerings anyway.

Cheongwol opened and closed her mouth repeatedly.

Breaking a rule she had kept for decades wasn’t easy.

As she hesitated and looked at Han Seojin, he said again.

“…You don’t have to force yourself.”

His concern made eating suddenly seem like no big deal to Cheongwol.

She took a big bite out of the dumpling.

“…!”

Cheongwol unknowingly covered her mouth, her eyes widening more than usual.

The shocking flavor with every chew made her keep blinking.

It was far more delicious than she’d expected. And only then did she realize how hungry she truly was.

“…It’s good, right?”

Han Seojin said with relief, then picked up a dumpling and started eating one himself.

Cheongwol watched Han Seojin focus on his food and quietly replied belatedly.

“…It’s delicious.”

She lowered her head slightly and kept eating the dumplings.

As she got to know Han Seojin more, her world felt like it was expanding.

He kept guiding her down paths she never dared to tread.

Dumplings were trivial things, but through him, she was discovering for the first time that even small joys like this existed in the world.

And that fact gently rippled through her heart again and again.

She had thought only anger remained in her heart now.

…But her emotions shook more easily than she’d imagined.

“Eat plenty.”

Han Seojin didn’t judge her for eating meat.

On the contrary, he encouraged her to eat more out of consideration.

Cheongwol liked his thoughtfulness for some reason.

More than sudden gifts from strangers on the street.

Outside, the noisy banquet continued.

But perhaps because this was so intimate.

To Cheongwol, this boring meal in the Leather Room felt far better than that banquet.

****

Munch munch…

I watched Cheongwol eat the meat dumplings.

Her cheeks bulging unusually as she chewed.

She said she didn’t eat meat… but why was she eating so well…

After two dumplings, Cheongwol glanced at me again.

…This damn girl. Take them all, why don’t you.

Swallowing bitter tears, I said.

“…Feel free to have more.”

I was groveling because I felt bad for meddling in the basement earlier.

Worrying about someone else, me? When I’m the one getting his dumplings stolen.

That’s what happens when you get too immersed in role-play.

It was ambiguous to call SM play full role-play, but our relationship with Cheongwol was similar…

…When she showed a vulnerable side, I wanted to help a little, even if it didn’t suit me.

That led to words spilling out unfiltered.

Now I was paying the price.

…Eh, good things are good, right?

At least if Cheongwol collapsed during the duel, she wouldn’t blame me.

I tried to stop her, really?

…But what if she comes back later and blames me for not stopping her more firmly?

Anyway, Cheongwol hesitated a moment before taking my last dumpling.

She ate three out of four.

My stomach growled loudly.

Meanwhile, I kept forcing a strained smile.

…I should’ve gone to the banquet.

****

The day of the duel.

‘Don’t do the duel.’

Han Seojin’s voice echoed in her head repeatedly.

But Cheongwol prepared her body with her usual routine.

She washed herself.

She donned clean, laundered martial attire.

She straightened her clothes and fastened her sword to her waist.

She tied her hair and pinned it with a hairpin, then lightly powdered her face.

For the sake of all the people who would be watching her.

As her preparations neared completion, her master Soun approached.

“Are you ready, Wol-ah?”

“…Yes.”

A major event awaited. Cheongwol took a deep breath in, then out.

Strangely, after that day, the duel didn’t feel like such a huge pressure anymore.

‘I’m not expecting anything. You’ll lose, for sure.’

She was going out to lose.

To face humiliation in front of countless people.

But if anything, the humiliation from Han Seojin felt more shameful.

…Even so, Cheongwol didn’t regret showing him that shameful side of herself.

He was the one who had looked at her body and called her beautiful.

The figure she had shown only to him.

That memory would live on solely in his mind.

Just that gave her the lingering thrill of sharing a secret.

In the meantime, Soun seemed to read her expression and spoke quietly.

“…Wol-ah. Are you okay?”

“Yes.”

“…If you really don’t want to, even now I can—”

“—No.”

A few days ago, she might have accepted Soun’s offer.

But not now.

Before she knew it, she stood on the duel platform.

Deafening cheers rang in her ears.

“Waaah!! Lady Cheongwol, you’re beautiful!!”

“Let’s see if the Tang Clan’s eldest daughter is truly the phoenix!!”

“Lady Dang Soran!! Do your best!!”

“Show them the pride of our Emei Sect!!”

Countless people packed tightly around the duel platform.

Countless eyes on her and Dang Soran.

Muwol Satae. Dang Jeokcheon.

Her master, first-generation, second-generation, third-generation disciples.

Tang Clan retainers.

Even the people from Emei Mountain Village.

She knew today’s duel would shake the Central Plains.

Perhaps everyone would point fingers at her pathetic defeat.

Cheongwol’s resolve was already broken.

And rightly so—she was still sorely lacking…

…Unless she drew the Extermination Sword, she had no confidence in beating her opponent.

Poison Phoenix, Dang Soran.

“Cheongwol. Let’s do well.”

The phoenix of the Sichuan Tang Clan, recently rumored to be plagued by heart demons.

The Tang Clan’s forbidden fruit, raised with endless support from birth.

No matter how she looked, the figure before her seemed far from heart demons.

And that only made her opponent loom larger.

But it was fine.

Cheongwol scanned the crowd again.

Dang Soran asked.

“…Do you have the leisure to look around?”

Even so, Cheongwol kept searching for someone.

If she spotted beggars, he’d surely be with them.

Soon, she found raggedly dressed beggars at the very back of the crowd in a corner…

…And among them, Han Seojin, bickering with them yet still there to watch the duel.

As if he was truly worried.

“…You’re even smiling? Guess you’re not tense. Honestly, I was a bit nervous.”

“…Ah.”

Cheongwol touched her lips.

A smile in this bizarre moment. Even she couldn’t understand it.

Dang Soran said.

“That makes sense. Look, Wol-ah. So many eyes on us.”

True, there were many watching.

Then, a voice echoed in her mind.

‘Why do you keep minding others?’

Cheongwol took a deep breath.

‘Mind me. You’re the one who asked to extend the game.’

…She would.

Game or not.

She would heed the voice of the one who embraced her pain over the voices of the many that hurt her.

It wasn’t that she would take the duel lightly.

She would give her all. For the one who worried for her.

But that difference in mindset alone…

“…I’m not tense anymore.”

“…What?”

Cheongwol took one last lingering look at Han Seojin, then quietly thought.

…Watch me.

Then Cheongwol straightened her stance and gave a cupped-fist salute to Muwol Satae and Dang Jeokcheon.

The cheers grew louder.

Even amid the noise, she declared clearly.

“I’m ready.”