Martial Arts Masochist

“…Cough! Cough…”

The dumpling shop uncle gazed at me with hazy eyes.

His ragged breathing sounded painful even from afar.

I wasn’t a doctor, but I suspected the uncle had some kind of lung disease.

I hoped it was something that could be cured.

Ever since falling into this world, the second hardest thing—after dealing with boredom—had been situations like this.

Martial artists could recover everything with breath control and meditation, but ordinary folks like us were stuck in harsh conditions.

As I helped the uncle down from the carriage, I answered the words he couldn’t voice.

“We’re heading to a physician, Uncle. Just hold on a little longer.”

…Blink.“…Don’t worry. It’s not connected to Gayeong-i. There are circumstances I can’t explain… but since you’re like family to me, it’s easier to see a doctor this way. We’re even going to meet a renowned one. So, Uncle, just hang in until then, and you’ll be healthy enough to look after Gayeong-i again. Get up and push through for me.”

This time, the uncle didn’t blink.

I knew why.

This time, it was man to man.

“…Even if you were to pass away, Uncle, I won’t let Gayeong-i starve. It’d be hard to take her in since we’re not that close, but don’t worry about her. Just focus on your health for now.”

Blink.

The uncle blinked in response to my promise, then slipped into a rough, wheezing sleep.

I grasped the uncle’s arm for a moment.

Why had this once sturdy man withered away like this?

They say action is fastest in the moment, but suddenly I wondered why I hadn’t come sooner.

I stepped down from the carriage.

Gayeong-i, who had been waiting outside, looked up at me.

“He’s asleep. If you’re ready, go inside and sit with him.”

“Y-Yeah.”

Gayeong-i hurriedly climbed into the carriage.

I headed to the driver’s seat.

There sat Jang Cheolyu, looking a bit scrawny.

Gayeong-i’s lover.

“Jang Cheolyu. You can drive, right?”

“I-I’ll learn. They said it’s not hard.”

Jang Cheolyu had joined our journey because he wanted to see the Dragon-Phoenix Assembly with his own eyes.

Honestly, I knew why he was doing this.

What man wouldn’t worry about his beloved going all the way to Henan with another guy?

I wanted to return Gayeong-i to her normal life once this was all over, so I was willing to allow anything that could ease Jang Cheolyu’s anxiety.

If anything, it was a good thing. Gayeong-i would feel more at ease with him than with me.

“It might be a dangerous trip?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

Small stature, but a straightforward personality—what’s not to like? I smiled and moved on.

Before the long journey, I checked my luggage and donkey.

As I did, the uncles approached.

“Hey, Seojin.”

It was Gu Yeong Uncle.

“…You sure you don’t need to be honest with Cheongwol?”

Gu Yeong Uncle nodded toward the distance, where Cheongwol leaned against a large rock.

Since we were all heading the same way, we’d decided to travel together with the Emei Sect’s later-generation disciples participating in the Dragon-Phoenix Assembly.

Others from the village who wanted to witness it firsthand had tagged along too.

It was quite a sizable group.

Naturally, Cheongwol was among the participants.

She wasn’t looking my way.

Even this felt like a long time coming.

It was a bit scary, but aside from those weird moments now and then, the distance between us had grown surprisingly wide.

“…What, the engagement?”

“What else?”

I let out a long sigh and looked at Gu Yeong Uncle.

“Why bring it up on purpose, Uncle?”

“Huh?”

“What changes if I’m honest?”

“Cheongwol won’t look that upset.”

“Isn’t the fact that she’s upset at all the problem? Why should Cheongwol be upset about my engagement?”

“…Like Gwak Du Uncle said, she likes you—”

“—Argh, that’s exactly the problem. If Cheongwol has feelings for me, shouldn’t I crush them? Why let them grow?”

I knew full well the effect of this ploy.

I’d suffered through it countless times.

I’d just chat casually, and the response would be, ‘I like another guy.’

That kills any urge to talk. If there were feelings involved, it’d be worse.

“…”

Gu Yeong Uncle fell silent.

I pressed on.

“Are you saying I should keep gauging a nun’s feelings forever? Let’s say, not some girl like Gayeong-i, but a woman I truly love shows up in the future. Should I give her up to spare Cheongwol’s feelings? Stay single my whole life? Better to prevent it now. If she really has feelings, it might be too late later.”

“Well, she might hurt more, but what’s late about it?”

“You don’t get it, Uncle. It might be irreversible by then.”

“…?”

Good thing I’m braking now while it’s ambiguous—because I clearly knew she liked me. If someone else appears later, it’ll be you die, I die. That’s certain.

“Call it intuition. Respect my decision.”

“…If it’s your intuition.”

Besides, the one the uncles should worry about is me, not Cheongwol.

I get that she looks pitiful, dazzled by her beauty, but I’m in the more dangerous spot.

I’m scared doing this gamble too. But I have to.

Can’t avoid it if the future looks hopeless otherwise. Can’t just not do it out of fear, right?

All that aside, Cheongwol, why are you freaking out?

I’m getting engaged to someone—why does that affect you…!

Am I a masochist? Should I heed your every word?

I’ve told you how many times: building a family is my dream. I’ve had no close ones besides you uncles, no peers—I’ve been lonely. Bored and alone.

I’m human too.

You don’t get it, you bitch. Kill me if you want.

“…”

…No, if you’re really going to kill me, give me a chance then.

I’ll fight back fiercely.

Better to roll in shit than die.

****

“…Mind walking separately?”

Cheongwol didn’t even respond.

On the road to Henan for the Dragon-Phoenix Assembly.

Cheongwol walked almost shoulder-to-shoulder with Han Seojin.

She had to, or her anger wouldn’t subside.

Her daily life had changed overnight.

“…”

Han Seojin had become another woman’s.

This was her effort to close the growing distance.

While Gayeong-i tended to her father in the carriage, Cheongwol stayed by Han Seojin’s side.

She occasionally met eyes with Gayeong-i but never looked away first.

She even felt a shallow satisfaction seeing Gayeong-i avert her gaze.

And above all, focusing let her cling to reason via the scent of Chujonghyang—her inner energy—rising from Han Seojin’s body.

She tamed her raging heart demon with her own scent wafting from him.

She could feel her energy in his dantian too.

Doesn’t that mean they’re still connected?

Thud!

“Gah! Cough! Cough…!”

The carriage jolted over a rock, and harsh coughing echoed from inside.

Gayeong-i’s startled gasp followed, then her shout.

“S-Seojin!! Bring some water!”

“Wait a sec! Right—”

Snap!

Cheongwol coldly gripped Han Seojin’s arm and said,

“Baekhui.”

Her junior, who had been watching, rushed to the carriage with the leather waterskin.

“Gayeong, here’s water…”

“Th-Thank you. Father, some water…”

Han Seojin looked at her, and Cheongwol replied.

“The caravan leader has to handle the donkey. My juniors can at least do that much while walking.”

“…Right, thanks.”

Cheongwol kept walking, mulling it over in her head.

Seojin, Seojin.

She hated how Gayeong-i called Han Seojin so intimately.

Cheongwol called him ‘Caravan Leader.’

But Gayeong-i called him ‘Seojin.’

Even Dang Soran called him ‘Young Master Seojin’—why was she the only one like this?

She hadn’t realized how grating the difference in address could be until now.

Cheongwol moistened her lips, then opened her mouth in frustration.

“Seo…”

“Huh?”

“…”

But a strange shame stopped her.

Her tongue wouldn’t move.

Was it because the distance with Han Seojin had widened so much? It made it even harder.

In the end, she had to suppress her frustration.

Was there harsher training or austerity than this?

Proving it, her inner energy accumulation during recent practice had doubled.

She’d heard you needed a clear, pure mind to build energy, yet going the opposite way felt like progress.

She was starting to look forward to the Dragon-Phoenix Assembly.

There, she could vent this frustration freely.

“Um… Cheongwol.”

“Yeah?”

Cheongwol’s heart fluttered at being called by Han Seojin.

But her hopes dashed—another unwelcome line.

“Seriously, better if you walk separately. Your sect brothers are whispering.”

Cheongwol turned her senses outward without looking.

‘…Never seen Senior Sister Cheongwol like that.’

‘Heard she got close to the Leather Room leader… but even so, didn’t expect this from her personality. Following him like a puppy… Wait, doesn’t he have a fiancée…?’

‘Is that really our always-cold senior sister? Looks like someone else… So docile right now.’

Only after hearing it all did Cheongwol turn and ask.

“Something to say?”

“Huh? N-No!”

“We didn’t say anything.”

Once their mouths shut, Cheongwol asked Han Seojin.

“Happy now?”

“…”

.

.

.

Day 15 of the journey.

No suspicious vibes between Han Seojin and Gayeong-i in that time.

But Cheongwol’s inner turmoil deepened day by day.

Perhaps because their marriage was sinking in as reality.

Just the thought sparked hot fury in her chest, but she forcibly suppressed it.

Patience wasn’t an unfamiliar virtue to her.

Yet no matter how close she stayed to Han Seojin, the thirst wouldn’t fade.

As a nun, the wall between her and him stood out sharper.

She hadn’t thought to cross it before, but now it felt oppressively like iron bars.

And when those feelings intensified, she slipped away briefly.

To deal with nearby hungry carnivores that could pose a threat.

She left roaming bandit groups alone, though.

Even now, her promise with Han Seojin lingered.

Today, right after handling a massive tiger that charged roaring.

Cheongwol crouched by a stream, quietly wiping her blade to avoid bloodstains.

What should she do?

What to do ahead… with Han Seojin…

“Nun Cheongwol.”

Someone interrupted her thoughts.

Lost too deep in them, perhaps.

She hadn’t noticed this blood-scented figure approaching—baffling.

Maybe she’d mistaken it for the blood from her sword.

Cheongwol glanced up.

A stranger stood before her.

“First time meeting. I’m Dokgo Jinmuk.”

Hearing the name, Cheongwol gripped her sword tightly.

She knew Dokgo Jinmuk well lately.

One of the six shaking the Central Plains from the Ming Cult.

The group moving with Yeongcheon.

“Your reaction says you know me. But no need for caution. I’m not here to harm you. Quite the opposite. I know you’ve rejected Yeongcheon’s offer, but we haven’t given up on you.”

“…”

“Nun, join us. I’m here to propose again. Didn’t the Namgung Family incident show our potential? I know you’re wondering why we keep pursuing you. But we already know. A few months ago, near Sichuan, several unorthodox groups were brutally slaughtered by… an unidentified master. We know who did it.”

Cheongwol knew too. Before her pact with Han Seojin not to kill, she’d rampaged wildly.

But time to deny.

“What’s that got to do with me?”

“No use pretending. We recovered the corpses, stitched them into jiangshi, and asked ourselves. The jiangshi said this?”

Dokgo Jinmuk stuck out his tongue, mimicking a jiangshi whisper.

“…Cheon…gwol…”

Cheongwol shut her mouth.

Dokgo Jinmuk grinned.

“Shocking. The lofty nun praised as Thousand-Year Flower, actually a butcher of men. Must be festering in that stifling Emei Sect. Nun, don’t you desire anything?”

At the question of desire, Cheongwol didn’t know why her heart raced.

She’d been letting his words go in one ear and out the other until that last line hooked her like a fishing lure.

“What?”

“We gathered for one reason.”

He raised a single finger.

“Each has a dream but lacks the power alone… so we help each other achieve them all. Yeongcheon plots to topple the righteous factions… Me? I just can’t stand strong ones like us losing to weaklings anymore. Nun, don’t you desire anything?”

A certain craving brushed Cheongwol’s mind.

Dokgo Jinmuk extended his hand, whispering.

“Join us. No need for patience.”