Martial Arts Masochist

‘…Are you really sure it’s all right to make this decision so soon?’

Soun Nun’s question carried a profound weight.

This was after she had already received her Buddhist name.

At that time, all Cheongwol wanted was to become a heroine like Muwol Satae.

‘You know as well as I do, Nun. I have no parents left, no family. All my worldly ties have already been severed. This is the only way… I can repay the grace I’ve received…’

Soun closed her eyes for a moment, then slowly opened her mouth again.

‘I have no intention of blocking the path you desire, but a hasty choice is hard to undo. Becoming a nun isn’t just about eating simple vegetable meals. You must abandon your name, your worldly temperament, your romantic feelings. You will never love anyone again, never hold anyone in your arms. You won’t even be able to bear children.’

Young Cheongwol didn’t fully understand those words back then.

At the time, the image of Muwol Satae swinging her sword under the moonlight overshadowed any nonexistent child or the romances she feared with men.

‘I’m ready.’

‘…If that’s truly your wish, then call me Master from now on.’

But now, for the first time, she truly felt that weight.

The five precepts that every Buddhist must uphold.

First, no stealing.

Do not steal.

Second, no false speech.

Do not lie.

Third, no intoxicants.

Do not cloud your mind with alcohol.

…Fourth, no sexual misconduct.

Do not follow lustful desires or romantic attachments.

And fifth, no killing.

Do not take life recklessly.

Which of these weights had crashed down on her all at once?

“…”

Ga Yeong-i was reflected in Cheongwol’s eyes.

She had taken over the spot beside Han Seojin—his closest friend—without even asking permission.

Their fingers intertwined, gripping tightly as if afraid to let go.

Until now, Han Seojin had hidden even his relationship with Cheongwol in front of others.

They had been cautious even about exchanging glances, sparing even a single word of conversation.

He had always coldly concealed the bond Cheongwol had carefully built by approaching him step by step.

But now, why was he holding that hand so openly?

He always forced their relationship into hiding.

Why was he displaying his bond with that woman so brazenly, as if there was nothing to hide?

The inside of Cheongwol’s throat felt like it was slowly burning away.

She wanted to march over and demand answers, but her heart pounded too wildly.

An indescribable frustration and fear pressed down on her.

Why was this?

Was it simply because Han Seojin alone had been the driving force sustaining her life in the Emei Sect?

Or was she afraid that if he married Miss Ga Yeong, he would grow even more distant from her?

No.

That couldn’t be it.

This displeasure couldn’t be explained by mere fear alone.

An inexpressible emotion churned endlessly within her chest.

Cheongwol felt as if she had regressed to that frail moment from her childhood.

“Hahaha! Yes! I’ll have a drink then. Thank you for the well-wishes. Oh, yes. We’ll live happily. Yes…? Ah, that… children, huh… how many…”

“…Three?”

“They say three. Yeah, three sounds about right.”

…Powerless.

There was nothing she could touch or change.

Her precious friend was marching toward happiness, while Cheongwol’s heart only grew darker by the moment.

Three?

You and Ga Yeong-i?

…Then what about me?

Am I just the Clan Leader?

Am I alone again?

Do I have to spend my days alone again… in that suffocating Emei Sect?

“…Haa… haa…”

Cheongwol’s eyes reddened as she kept turning her head away.

She was simply bewildered by her body’s incomprehensible reaction.

Even so, she couldn’t leave. Leaving now would make it seem like she was fleeing in defeat.

“Ahaha, yes! Thank you!”

Step…

Before she knew it, Cheongwol was quietly approaching Han Seojin from behind as he laughed.

Ga Yeong-i noticed her first and bowed her head politely.

Cheongwol had no room to respond.

Her eyes held only Han Seojin.

At that, Ga Yeong-i tapped Han Seojin’s back lightly.

As if signaling Cheongwol’s arrival.

Only then did Han Seojin turn around to face her.

“Wah—! Y-You… here?”

After a long inner turmoil, the only words Cheongwol spat out were:

“…What?”

“Huh?”

“There wasn’t… even a hint of it. What’s this all of a sudden? You never even mentioned it to me.”

Han Seojin cleared his throat awkwardly before replying.

“W-We… kept it secret. Sorry for not telling you sooner.”

Another stab of agony in her heart.

Cheongwol glared at Miss Ga Yeong.

Sensing something, Ga Yeong-i hid behind Han Seojin’s broad back.

“…Ha.”

At the sight, Cheongwol let out a hollow laugh.

It looked as if Han Seojin was protecting Ga Yeong-i from her.

How had things come to this? She had always been the one hiding behind his broad back.

She had been the one worthy of feeling his warmth.

In the world, they called Cheongwol the Thousand-Year Flower.

Because of her exceptional martial prowess and beauty.

To possess even one was remarkable, yet she had both.

She had no intention of bringing it up, but Cheongwol was aware she was a special existence.

She understood that her beauty could easily captivate men.

“…Wol-ah, instead of just standing there glaring, how about some congratulations? Haha…”

But then, what was the point of all that?

Han Seojin preferred that plump, plain woman over her.

What was the meaning of this beauty?

Cheongwol felt a woman’s sense of defeat before someone uglier than herself.

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why her? Why Miss Ga Yeong?”

Cheongwol needed to know. At least to understand a little, to ease this frustration.

But that question only poured oil on the flames.

“That’s right, Seojin! What do you like so much about her?!”

“Heh heh, we’re all curious too. Tell us how you fell in love.”

At their interjections, Cheongwol gritted her teeth, but she still waited only for Han Seojin’s answer.

“…”

Scratching his nose and looking up as if reminiscing, Han Seojin spoke.

“Ah, well… I think it’s because she fed me so many dumplings when I was a kid? When everyone in the village ignored me, only Ga Yeong-i and her uncle were kind to me…?”

Zing.

Cheongwol felt another unpleasant pain in her chest.

In truth, she had been one of those who ignored Han Seojin.

Until they grew close, she had seen him as nothing more than a poor loner.

What if those memories, those gazes from back then, still lingered as wounds in his heart?

And if that woman had soothed those wounds…

If she had unknowingly inflicted pain that this woman had healed, deepening his feelings…

“…Ugh.”

If she too had come down to the village in his childhood, taken care of the beggar boy he was, even just talked to him a little…

Would he have held those feelings for her as well?

“That one dumpling when I was hungry… it felt priceless. Haha, I still can’t forget that taste even now. They say people never forget the help they receive in desperate times, right?”

She knew exactly what he meant.

Because Han Seojin had been the one to extend a helping hand when she was desperate.

That empathy made it hurt even more.

But her curt heart refused to accept it.

“…Cheap affection. Worth only a dumpling? Is that really the reason?”

For a moment, the air around them subtly froze.

Everyone was shocked, but they soon dismissed Cheongwol’s words as banter between close friends.

‘The young lady’s quite the teaser.’

‘They must really be close friends.’

Especially since Han Seojin himself grinned foolishly and brushed it off, everyone believed it.

“Ha, haha…”

The one who had said it, Cheongwol, hurt even more.

This wasn’t it.

She didn’t mean to say that.

But there were no other options.

What was she supposed to say?

She couldn’t congratulate him like the villagers.

Honestly, she still couldn’t believe it, couldn’t accept it—it felt like a nightmare.

But as Han Seojin continued answering, as this reality refused to shatter, Cheongwol felt herself sinking deeper into a quagmire.

The more reality settled, the more her emotions surged.

“Miss Ga Yeong, what exactly do you like about the Young Master?”

“Uh… um… well…”

Ga Yeong-i couldn’t answer for a long while.

A hollow laugh escaped at the sight.

Was she pledging lifelong marriage without even liking him?

Just another whore spreading her legs for money.

She’d thought her ugly, but her heart was rotten too.

“His… good looks?”

But at those words, the entire village went stiff.

Cheongwol, who had felt that sentiment alone, froze as well upon hearing Ga Yeong-i voice it.

In the awkward silence, Ga Yeong-i floundered instead.

“Huh? I… ah, no? I still think Seojin’s…”

Han Seojin chuckled too.

“You’re the first to say that.”

Ah.

I wanted to be the first to—

“Wahahahaha!”

“That’s right! A wife can’t marry if her husband looks ugly!”

“Such deep love!”

The villagers burst into delighted laughter at the couple’s sweet exchange.

The more they captivated the villagers’ hearts, the more Cheongwol’s heart demon writhed precariously.

Han Seojin had said he hated the killer in himself.

He’d said he wouldn’t push her away if she didn’t kill.

But what was this?

Wasn’t this pushing her away?

Was there any reason to keep her promise to him?

…Or not?

It was confusing. Her dazed mind couldn’t think straight.

First, she needed to pull Han Seojin away from Ga Yeong-i.

He was her friend. Not her husband.

That much was certain to Cheongwol.

She wanted to talk more deeply.

She still couldn’t believe this news.

Even seeing it with her own eyes, she believed something was wrong.

A deep conversation would shatter the lie.

“Young Master, for now…”

Just as she moved toward him, someone grabbed her shoulder.

Thud!

Cheongwol recognized the touch.

It was the Sect Leader.

“Oh my!”

“Sect Leader!”

Everyone bowed in respect at Muwol Satae’s arrival.

Muwol Satae returned their courtesy before gazing kindly at Han Seojin.

“Young Master Seojin. You’ve finally found your place. This old nun truly blesses your future path.”

“Ah, yes. Thank you.”

Han Seojin bowed like a servant.

Then, Muwol Satae’s gaze fell upon Cheongwol.

“…Young Master Seojin has found a fine woman. A connection from childhood, deep filial piety, always diligently selling dumplings—a proper wife.”

Cheongwol recalled her conversation with the Sect Leader.

‘If Young Master Seojin marries another woman, can you congratulate him?’

‘If… he’s found a g-good woman, then… c-congratulations are in order.’

‘That is your true intent.’

That conversation had allowed her to maintain her bond with Han Seojin.

“Wol-ah.”

The Sect Leader waited.

There was no other way.

If she didn’t say those promised words now… even their current permitted relationship would surely end.

“…Congra…”

Cheongwol clenched her fists tightly.

Her hands trembled uncontrollably.

This was the first time in her life she felt such misery.

“…tulations, Young… Master.”

To gather what little she had left, she forced the words out.

And inwardly, she thought:

…What have I…

…What have I sacrificed by entering the Emei Sect?

She bit her lip and once more took in the sight of Han Seojin.

****

“Phew… that was rough…”

Ga Yeong-i whispered as she entered her home.

We let go of each other’s hands and wiped the sweat from our palms on our pants.

We exchanged wry smiles at the sight—laughter born of sheer absurdity.

Even so, we had to handle what needed doing quickly.

“Do you have a way to contact the Hao Gate?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow’s the meeting day.”

“Mention our relationship right away and take care of your uncle first. As soon as possible.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Seojin. Really.”

“Does Jang Cheolyu know about us?”

At that, Ga Yeong-i’s face flushed red as a ripe persimmon.

I smiled and asked.

“What? It’s done?”

Ga Yeong-i nodded with difficulty.

“…Yeah. Cheolyu said he likes me too.”

“Wow, congrats.”

“…Once Father recovers first, that’s when I’ll really celebrate. And if that happens… I’ll steam dumplings for you every day for the rest of my life.”

“Save that for Jang Cheolyu. I’m just repaying an old favor, so don’t get the wrong idea.”

…And incidentally, for my own sake too.

“Whew.”

As I headed home, I recalled Cheongwol’s expression.

‘…Congra…tulations, Young… Master.’

A slight chill ran down my spine.

That glimpse of emotion I’d caught for a moment.

…Nah, probably not.

I wanted to believe it wasn’t.

Come on, no way she’d fall for me just because we did some SM stuff.

Even if there was a little something, it doesn’t start here.

Maybe I slammed on the brakes at the very last second.

It’s over. Right?

Besides, even if she did have real feelings, what could come of it?

She’s a novice nun right now—no way she’d entertain weird thoughts.

As she said so painfully herself, she’s just processing the complicated feelings of her one true friend getting married.

On top of that, there’s Dang Soran constantly being linked to her in words.

Whatever the case, this seemed like a way to show that murim folk and I are worlds apart.

You’re carnivores, I’m a herbivore.

Did you think I’d just sit back and watch you lord over me forever?

Time for me to thrash around too. I’m a grown adult.

Even earthworms squirm when stepped on. Cheongwol’s… romantic feelings? I mustn’t accept such nonsense.

From now on, I’m a family man with a fiancée— you can’t toy with me at will anymore.

Got it?