Chapter 34: The Mystery Friend

Clancy knew that the mail was going to have little to no damage control after everything that he had done to Selen but it was a step closer.

He hoped that it would ease a part of her conscience. He was not going to give up on her. He had spent seven years just looking for her, and he could spend more waiting for her.

Dear Selen,

I knew that I did not deserve your time from the first time I approached you after all these years, and I completely understand why you refused to listen to me.

Seeing the pain and justifiable anger in your eyes made me realize just how deeply my past actions cut.

You had every right to walk away. I am sending this message not to force an interaction you are not ready for, but because I owe you a debt of accountability that is seven years overdue.

Seven years ago, I got you involved in a marriage in the worst way possible. The way things ended between us was even worse and entirely my fault.

I was cowardly, selfish, and completely overwhelmed by anger, but none of those feelings excuse the wreckage I left behind.

Instead of standing by your side as a partner, a husband, and a father, I chose to punish you, I made you claim to never have spent the night with me.

And then I left you to carry the weight of that night and raise our children entirely on your own.

For seven years I had never stopped looking for you and the children. This is not a justification. But I wanted you to know that I did not just abandon the thought of you and pick it back up after all these years.

For seven years, I have lived with the heavy regret of knowing that I failed you when you needed me most. You deserved a partner who would protect, support, and cherish you.

Instead, I gave you chaos, pain and abandonment. I cannot begin to fathom the sleepless nights, the exhaustion, and the emotional pain you endured while navigating the earliest, hardest years of motherhood without any help from me.

You did the work of two people while building a name for yourself, and your strength is something I admire and deeply respect, even though my own failures are the reason you had to be that strong.

Our triplets are now seven years old, and it breaks my heart to realize that they have grown from babies into children without ever knowing who their father is. I missed their first steps, their first words, their laughter, and their tears.

Please know that I am writing this to apologize to them just as much as I am apologizing to you. As they grow older and begin to ask questions, I want it to be undeniably clear to them that their mother did absolutely nothing wrong.

If they ever wonder why I was not here, I want them to know the absolute truth. That it was entirely due to my own flaws, my own faults, and my own failures. They were, and are, completely innocent. They deserved a father who was present from day one, and I am deeply sorry to them for failing to be that man.

I am not writing to beg for your forgiveness, because I know forgiveness is earned, not requested. I am also not trying to manipulate my way back into your life, nor am I demanding a place in the lives of our children so soon.

I recognize that I have no right to just step back into the picture after seven years of silence and expect things to be okay. You have built a life and a sanctuary for yourself and the triplets, and the last thing I want to do is disrupt the peace you worked so hard to achieve.

My only goal in sending this is to take full, unconditional responsibility for the damage I caused. I want to look my past actions in the eye and admit to you that I was wrong. I want you to have this written proof that I acknowledge my guilt.

I do not expect a reply to this letter. You owe me nothing. But I owe you everything.

With deepest regret and sincerity,

Clancy

He clicked on the send button and watched it move to the "sent" part of his mails.

He could not help but imagine what she would do when she saw it. Would she even open it and read it or just delete it immediately?

And if she read it, would it make her angry or she would accept what he said in the letter as the truth.

He would have to wait to find out. That was if she ever responded to it.

Selen received a notification from an unknown email that carried a familiar name. A name that she had absolved herself of having anything to do with.

She surprised herself by opening it and not deleting it immediately. After she was done reading it, it did not change how she felt.

"Words were just words," she had thought as she deleted the email. If words could make everything okay then maybe she would have her mother by her side today.

And maybe she would not have gotten married to Clancy. Maybe her daughter would be healed and be a healthy little girl. But it was not so. Words were just words until it was made to mean something.

Well, it looks like it is true. Your name was inputted in the missing person database every month from the time you left" JK said.

Selen had told him about the letter and for some weird reason, she wanted to know if what he said was true about looking for her.

But it could be for various reasons. He could have been looking for her to make sure that she kept quiet about the abuse she endured while she was in his home.