Married to his secret crush

Shen Lihua refused to cry over this man once again. She has spent her whole youth doing that with unnecessary tears, hopes, wishes and none of it had ever worked for her. 

''I kept enduring all of it….because of you. I somewhere knew that I was pathetic but I realized it so late. Before me, you had a wife, a mistress, you had women before me and I…closed my eyes on that too but your family compared me to them at every given chance. They made me feel worthless compared to those classy women their son had slept with,'' More she spoke, more her eyes burned and tears rolled down her cheeks. She did not remember how long she had held onto these things in her heart but she never once thought that they would still effect her like this. She wiped her tears with the back of her palm as she looked at him before slowly shaking her head, ''After all that I did… You let my son to be trampled there in your family. You let them step on Zixuan over and over again.''

"I…''

"Don't,'' Shen Lihua held the railing before taking a step back, ''I will never forgive you. To me, your existence means nothing. Go back to your family. They should be looking for you, waiting for you,'' She turned around. 

''I left. I told them I am not going back to them,'' He said. 

Shen Lihua paused in her tracks for a moment, ''That is not something that concerns me,'' She walked upstairs without stopping this time. 

Jun Zishen stared at her retreating back quietly until she disappeared from his view. He walked towards his room. Initially, she used to live downstairs too but after letting him in, she moved upstairs. 

Locking the door behind him, Jun Zishen sat on the floor as he leaned back on the door. He placed his hand on one of his knees while staring at the sky through the open window. 

Shen Lihua said her part but what she never knew was that he has always regretted marrying her. He regretted the time when he married her. If he had waited for a few years, maybe things would never have come to this. 

But back then, he was impulsive, and naïve. He was scared that something or someone will get in between them, and he wanted to tie her to himself leaving no other way out for anyone. He was selfish…. Somewhere, deep within his heart, he was also aware that maybe it was a wrong decision to marry her at that time, especially when his parents were in the control of the whole family and they disliked her. 

But at that moment, he thought he would handle everything, convince everyone and he never delved into things until they reached the snapping point. 

He never let people step on his son. He has always protected him in his own way, from a distance but that would never make up for every mistake he had made which led to this. And with everything as it was, in the end, he decided to let go of them when things kept spiraling. 

Every night has been a struggle for him to get a wink of sleep. The thought of losing everyone he cherished the most, pained him but he did what he got to do. Rather than letting them be tortured there, he sent them away from him. He wanted to go to them as soon as his plans worked. But weeks turned to months and months flipped into years, it took him a long time to achieve what he wanted and a longer time to get the powers in Jun Family. 

Today, he was able to leave his parents and come here because they were aware of the power he held in the family and they knew they could not afford to clash with him. 

But if he left back then, then he would have taken everyone he loved down with him. 

Jun Zishen closed his eyes. Before her, he did have women in his life. But after her, it has only been her. He cherished her the most, he loved both Jun Zixuan and Jun Boyan even though he never got to be vocal about it….

Jun Zishen wondered….if he was too late. 

Taking a deep breath, he pushed himself to his feet and opened the door before walking out of the room. His footsteps came to a halt near the staircase. He stopped there for some time before going upstairs.

As he stood in front of Shen Lihua's room, he closed his eyes and knocked on the door with the back of his palm, ''About what happened today… I will apologize for that. I won't bring up such things in future.''

There was no response from inside. 

''If…If you want me to leave, I will do that too. Just don't cry over that,'' Still, there was no response from inside. 

It has been just 10 mins since she came to her room. Did she fall asleep so soon?

''Say something at least instead of staying quiet like this,'' He finally said, "Alright, if you want space, I will leave you alone for the moment…'' Perhaps she was so angry and disappointed in him that she did not even want to see his face and he did not blame her for that. His past deeds have been like that so it was only right if she treated him like this or even worse than this. 

Just as he was about to turn around to leave, he heard some faint coughing sound that made him pause in his tracks. 

Was she sick? Jun Zishen frowned. 

He knocked on the door, a bit impatiently this time and the door was pushed open as it was not locked properly. 

Just as he stepped inside the room, the sight that he witnessed made his mind go blank. 

"Lihua…'' He stepped to the woman who was lying on the couch in a mess.. There were bloodstains all over the upper part of her peach nightdress.