EXTRA: Coincidentally Romantic

Outside, the evening air was pleasantly warm.

The streetlamps had come on, casting yellow pools of light across the cobblestones. A few stars were already visible above the rooftops, and across the road, a skeleton wearing a high-visibility vest was sweeping the pavement.

That cute little one noticed them leaving the restaurant and raised one bony thumb before returning to work.

Mordecai barely acknowledged it. After everything he'd seen today, a skeleton employed by the local sanitation department hardly deserved a second glance.

Beside him, Egel was humming happily.

Her cheeks were still pink, and she walked with a little bounce in her step, occasionally swinging their joined hands.

She looked like a woman who'd just experienced the greatest evening of her life.

Mordecai, meanwhile, walked with the stiff, miserable posture of a man who had survived a hostage situation involving Italian cuisine.

The little gray window was still floating in the corner of his vision.

[CRINGE METER: 99%]

[Congratulations. You survived. Barely.]

He looked down at his right hand and saw that Egel was still holding it.

After a moment, she noticed him looking and gave his fingers another affectionate squeeze.

Mordecai winced.

His hand was bright red, the exact color of tomato sauce.

After a few minutes of standing still like two statues, Mordecai had finally realized it was already night when they stepped out of the Italian Restaurant. Just like that.

No sunset, no gradual dimming of the sky. Nothing. Zero.

One moment, Oakhaven had been bathed in the yellow light of early evening, and the next, a gigantic silver moon hung over the rooftops, the stars were out, and a suspiciously pleasant breeze carried the smell of lavender through the streets.

[Time skipped. You're welcome.👍 ]

'By pure coincidence, I'm sure,' Mordecai thought, pinching the bridge of his nose.

[Yes. Pure coincidence.]

Oakhaven had apparently decided to become the setting of a dating simulator. Lanterns glowed along the streets, cherry blossom flower petals drifted through the air despite there being no trees nearby, and the moon was so enormous that Mordecai wondered whether someone had accidentally dragged the size slider all the way to the right.

Everything was romantic. Obnoxiously, artificially, AI-ly romantic.

He half expected a stranger to come running around the corner with a rose, a handwritten confession, and a tragic childhood memory, or a vagabond rose seller.

Well, at least the city was still functioning.

Skeletons in high-visibility vests swept the streets in synchronized rows, sixty or seventy of them moving their brooms with military precision.

A zombie couple passed by holding hands, one gently removing a flower petal from the other's hair. Moreover, humans walked alongside half-elves and lizardfolk, while a nervous-looking accountant accompanied a werewolf who seemed even more nervous than he was.

Mordecai watched them pass.

'I built... this?'

Well, sort of. He wasn't entirely sure what he thought about it. The whole place was ridiculous, but seeing humans and monsters enjoying an ordinary evening together was surprisingly pleasant.

But then...he spotted the #3 Fan-Favorite character: Dragon Slayer.

The young man was walking down the middle of the street in his civilian clothes, staring straight ahead with the vacant expression of someone whose brain had been switched off to save electricity.

And beside him, there was a cleric who had both arms wrapped around his right arm and her cheek pressed against his shoulder. She practically floated along beside him, smiling and humming to herself.

"Wife..." the Dragon Slayer muttered. "Wife... I must find a wife... My parents want me to find a wife..."

The cleric tightened her embrace while he kept walking, muttering things about his happiness and his parents.

'I wonder if he had noticed that girl...' Mordecai sighed.

Egel noticed them too.

"Is that Dragon Slayer? Is he... on a date? For real?" Egel asked, blinking multiple times.

"Technically, yes." He sighed.

"Does he know?"

"I don't think so."

"But she's holding his arm..." Egel scratched the back of her head.

"I know."

"He's looking for a wife."

"I know, Egel."

The pair passed them without a glance, and at the corner, Dragon Slayer—no, Wife Searcher stopped to scan the crowd, searching desperately for the woman of his dreams while the blonde woman attached to his arm gazed up at him with open adoration.

Apparently dissatisfied with his search results, he continued walking.

'The wife is literally on your arm,' Mordecai thought. 'You're touching the wife. The wife is warm.'

[That's the classic "self-insert oblivious dense harem protagonist" trope.]

[Very popular. It has a 78% approval rating.]

'It's a design flaw.'

[It's a design feature.]

"Let's get out of here, Egel, please..." Mordecai sighed. "I don't want to waste more time."

"Okay..." Egel said, blushing and painfully squeezing his hand again.

—

And then they started walking for at least ten minutes, with Mordecai determined to ignore the city's increasingly aggressive attempts to force a romance event.

At the next corner, a boy dressed entirely in orange stood on a barrel outside a ramen stall, delivering an impassioned speech about believing in one's dreams and his desire to be the mayor of Oakhaven.

The elderly vendor looked thoroughly confused. He'd only asked whether the boy wanted a large bowl or a small one.

"Hey, kid, this ramen will cost 6 silver coins and 7 bronze coins." The vendor said.

The orange boy looked up, his eyes filling with something... strange, almost hopeful.

Suddenly, he held his hand out to the elder man in front of me and said, "You know, I used to be like you. Lonely, forced to be someone I wasn't..."

"What are you—"

"Let's end this war together, you and I. Lower your weapon, and be like me. Offer a kind meal to a lonel—"

"So you have no money..." The vendor sighed.

"I was just like you—" The orange guy tried to say, but all he got was a punch in the face.

The poor young boy got launched like a cannon to the other side of the road.

"Don't you fucking return again." The vendor said, while the poor boy stood on the ground, mumbling about his loneliness and how cruel humanity was to him.

The funny thing was that a large, flickering rectangle of pixels covered the boy's face.

[Censorship filter applied.]

[Any resemblance to an existing character is purely coincidental.]

"I haven't said anything," Mordecai muttered.

[You were thinking it. Loudly.]

Beside the ramen stall, a pink-haired girl was repeatedly slapping a boy while shouting that he was an idiot and she absolutely, positively did not like him.

The boy accepted the punishment with a patient, glassy smile.

After the sixth slap, the girl grabbed his hand and marched off with him, blushing furiously, saying, "D-Don't think that I like you or something, okay?"

Egel watched them go.

"Why does she keep hitting him?" She asked.

"Apparently, that's how she shows affection. People like that kind of violence."

"That seems unhealthy. I would never hurt you, Kaitoyama." Egel's voice softened.

"I know you wouldn't, Egel. You have a working brain," Mordecai said. "That's a genre convention. Also a lawsuit waiting to happen. Keep walking."

Unfortunately, the next block wasn't much better.

A bespectacled young man tripped over his own feet, collided with a girl, and somehow ended up sprawled on top of her in an arrangement that would have required considerable effort to reproduce intentionally.

Both froze, and a thin line of blood ran from the boy's nose.

Somewhere, a choir began singing, a bird flew away, and neither of them showed any interest in getting up.

On the wall behind them, someone had spray-painted:

'LUCKY ACCIDENT, NOT A BIT.'

"I really don't want to know," Mordecai said.

By the sixth couple, Egel had grown unusually quiet.

She walked close beside him, occasionally looking down at their joined hands with a little smile. Her cheeks were still pink, and Mordecai had a fairly good idea why.

The indirect kiss, of course.

He suspected she'd replayed that particular event in her head at least fifty times already, probably in slow motion with a soundtrack and an unnecessary amount of sparkles.

Egel leaned against his arm. "W-Where are we going now, Kaitoyama?"

Mordecai sighed.

'I'm fucking exhausted. The day had begun with a failed summoning through heroic lingerie and somehow deteriorated into a catgirl in heat, a goblin billiards tournament, a divine tackle, an Italian restaurant, and a Cringe Meter that had nearly reached 100%. I just need to sleep.'

"Home," he said. "I think it's time to go home."

Egel's grip tightened. "...No."

Mordecai looked at her.

She'd said it quietly, almost under her breath, and now she was staring at the cobblestones as though she'd suddenly found them fascinating.

"I... I don't want to." She shifted her weight, pressing her thighs together. Her cheeks grew scarlet, and the longer she avoided looking at him, the more Mordecai dreaded whatever was coming.

'Oh, no.'

He knew that look.

"Egel," he began carefully. "I need to re—"

She raised her head. Her blue eyes were wet, her face burning with embarrassment. Whatever she wanted to say, she'd clearly been working up the courage for it.

"I want to sleep with you, Kaitoyama," she whispered. "You promised me that night training session."

For one extraordinary moment, the entire street appeared to stop functioning.

A skeleton halted its sweeping, a passing zombie turned around, and somewhere in the distance, a bird fell off a roof.

Oh, and a big *BOOOOOOOM* came out of nowhere. Pyroas, maybe?

Mordecai stared at her. His brain had just suffered a catastrophic system failure.

Then a window opened in front of his face.

[DIALOGUE OPTIONS AVAILABLE:]

[A) Accept. (+20,000 Soul Coins. -100% Dignity.)]

[B) Reject. (Egel cries. Wukong hears it from three realms away. The city is destroyed.)]

[C) Stall. (Unknown outcome. The audience is deeply disappointed.)]

[You have 10 seconds to choose. Do not choose A. Or do. I'm not your boss.]

A countdown bar appeared beneath the options.

'System, why is this a visual novel? Didn't I already defeat Pix like 50 chapters ago?'

[Everything is a visual novel if you're brave enough.]

'Nine seconds.'

Mordecai's mind raced through every rule he'd established since founding Ravenloft Holdings.

Section 14.2: Employee Wellness.

Section 9.6: Appropriate Boundaries in the Workplace.

Section 3.1: Never Make an Employee Feel Unwanted, Because They Might Punch a Wall or write a complaint to the HR department.

He couldn't simply reject her. Egel had already been used by one boss and abandoned by another, and despite all the absurdity surrounding her, she was a brave, loyal woman who deserved better than to have her feelings treated as an inconvenience.

But accepting was out of the question.

'Eight seconds.'

He considered claiming he had a headache. She'd offer to heal it.

A fiancée? She'd want to meet her.

A sudden emergency at the fortress? She'd come along to help.

He could contact Wukong and ask her to land directly on top of them, although that would probably destroy the street, several neighboring buildings, and most of the city.

'Five seconds.'

There had to be another way, and then he remembered the oldest trick in the managerial handbook.

'Four seconds.'

Postpone the problem.

He took a breath, straightened his shoulders, and put on the reassuring smile of a manager announcing a minor change to the weekly schedule.

"Let's walk for now," Mordecai said. "We can take another little tour around the city."

The countdown froze at two seconds.

[...Option C selected.]

[The audience is booing.]

Egel stared at him.

For a moment, she looked uncertain. Then her expression brightened so suddenly that Mordecai almost wished he'd chosen the emergency Wukong landing instead.

'He said yes!' She clasped his arm with both hands. 'He said, "for now." That means later. Tonight!'

"Okay!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing on her heels. "Let's walk!"

Mordecai resumed walking, carefully avoiding eye contact.

'Technically, I never lied.'

[Technically.]

[You're a coward.]

And then, when they resumed their walk, the city continued its assault.

In the main square, beneath a string of paper lanterns, two revenants in elegant evening clothes were performing a slow tango beside the newly repaired fountain.

One dipped the other so dramatically that his spine produced a loud crack. He remained bent backward, apparently stuck, while his partner gazed lovingly into his eyes.

"Is he all right?" Egel whispered.

"Probably."

"Should we help him?"

"Absolutely not. We'd get rabies."

A little farther along, two minotaurs were kissing on a bench far too small for either of them. The wood creaked under their combined weight, but neither seemed particularly concerned.

They were wrapped around each other like two affectionate refrigerators.

Behind them, a ghost had dropped to one knee before a skeleton and was attempting to propose.

Unfortunately, the engagement ring kept passing through his fingers.

He tried picking it up, but his hand went straight through it again. The skeleton waited patiently.

Nearby, an elderly zombie and a mummy in matching hats shared a milkshake through two straws, their foreheads touching as they leaned toward the glass.

At the edge of the square, a young man in a trench coat was delivering an impassioned speech about justice and friendship to the night sky while a girl stood beside him holding a notebook, wearing the exhausted expression of someone who'd heard this particular speech many times before.

'Everyone is in love,' Mordecai thought. 'Everyone in this damned city. It's contagious.'

[It's the atmosphere.]

[Dibbs57 purchased the full romance package. Enhanced moonlight, flower petals, and premium fragrances. Lavender, pine, and lemon.]

'Pine and lemon? That's Larry's cleaning product.'

[It was the only scent combination within budget.]

Mordecai was about to reply when a skeleton wearing a red scarf passed them, pushing a little cart.

Roasted chestnuts, candied apples, and several rows of small paper bags were arranged neatly across its surface.

He stopped walking. 'The peanuts.'

Oh, for fuck's sake.

He'd promised Lucy peanuts. Maybe he could buy these things without spending soul coins.

He approached the cart, fished three silver coins out of his pocket with his free hand, and purchased five bags.

Egel watched him tuck them into his coat.

"Are those for me?"

"No."

"O-oh." Her shoulders drooped a little.

Mordecai looked at her, then at the bag, and then back at her hopeful face.

He sighed.

"...You can have one."

Egel accepted a single bag of peanuts with such reverence that he almost expected her to kneel and offer a prayer before eating it.

Eventually, they found themselves climbing a hill.

Mordecai hadn't intended to go uphill. He'd simply followed the road, which had apparently decided that the next logical destination for two people on a romantic evening was somewhere high above the city.

Lanterns lined the narrow path, and fireflies drifted over the grass, while the noise of Oakhaven gradually faded behind them.

'This is not a coincidence.'

[It is.]

[A very expensive coincidence.]

'Who paid for it?'

[I'm not allowed to disclose that information, but I will do it anyway. It was "Gooner_King."]

'Of course.'

The path ended at a stone terrace overlooking Oakhaven.

A low railing bordered the overlook, with patches of soft grass growing around it. Below them, the entire city glittered beneath the enormous moon, its streets and windows scattered across the darkness like fallen stars.

Mordecai stopped. He had to admit it was beautiful, which irritated him considerably.

"Kaitoyama..." Egel breathed, moving a little closer to the railing, looking down at the lights. "It's the whole city."

"Yeah," he admitted. "Quite a view."

He turned toward her, about to suggest they head back.

Then he noticed the building.

Mordecai frowned.

There was a hotel behind them.

A small, elegant AI-generated building with cream-colored walls, a tiled roof, and warm light glowing through its windows. A polished brass handle decorated the wooden entrance, and a potted plant stood beside the doorstep.

Above the door, in tasteful golden lettering, was a sign.

LOVE HOTEL.

Beneath it, in smaller letters:

(Discreet.)

Mordecai stared.

He was absolutely certain that building hadn't been there five seconds earlier.

It had appeared out of nowhere, like a stage prop being wheeled into the set...