Lord Shadow

He was the one that opens her heart. He came to her and under that cherry tree, he holds out his hand and she took it

She and him, against the world. She smiles a bit thinking of that memory. Azief was quite childish at the time.

She still remembers that day like it was yesterday. Even though, it is not quite how they thought it would happen, in some way they achieved a bit of that promise.

The thing is most of the time, he is the one that is fighting the world. And all she could do is watch. 

Sometimes, it is because he did not want her to get in danger. At other times, it is because the battle is not something she could participate in.

Because she is not as strong as he is. She shakes her head.

This is her regret, her guilt. And that is not what she wants to think about

She thought of how she fell in love with him

Affection, friendliness turns to something more. Before she could stop the feeling she found herself falling in love with Azief.

There is no exact moment when she suddenly realizes that “Ah, I had fallen in love with this person” 

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No, there is no such realization. She just is. Without even realizing it, she had fallen in love with him.

He was her savior. He was her protector. 

And she thought that this feeling is simply that. 

Gratitude mistaken as love. 

But when you started thinking about someone all the time, that even when he was there, she is missing him, wanting to know him, then that is not simple gratitude anymore. 

She was falling for him, and she did not even know it.

By the time she realizes she had already fallen so hard for him that she could not extricate herself from it.

But when she found out from Sina that she was Azief first love…it did make her doubt grow stronger. 

That what he felt is simply a lingering feeling for her. A memory of a first love

Azief would never leave her because she believes that he had to keep that promise with her

That he will always choose him no matter what. That promise in the beginning sound like a sweet thing to say. 

But as time passes, to her, it seems more like a curse that she had imposed upon him.

And that is not what she wanted at all.

She did not want her love to be some kind of curse for the one she loves. 

She wonders is it because she was his first love, that he fell in love with her? 

Or did he fall in love with her because he is in love with the idea of her

A lingering sweet memory of love. 

When everything is simple and when they were young, that idea of her, a memory of a past that he wanted to have. 

Azief was not his first love. But the first love of a woman and the first love of a man is very different

There is just something about first love that is romanticized. 

First love defies duplication.

Because before such feeling, the heart is empty. Like a blank canvas. After, it is full of colors.

And when it ends, there is always a trace. 

But sooner or later you will always find someone else.

But that feeling of first love? That could never be duplicated.  She wonders whether the reason why he finds it so hard to let her go is because he loved that Sofia

The Sofia he knew.

The one that got away. And did he stay because of her? Or did he stay because of his promise? Because of some sense of responsibility and pity?

And because he couldn’t let go, she also could not let go. Because who would willingly want to let go the person they love? 

But, if by staying you know that you would be hurt in the end, would you still stay?

If you know that you are only a chapter in a person story and not the main story, would you still stay?

The world might be different from the world before the Fall. But what is happening between him and her is the same story she had experienced before.

Before, his boyfriend is a rich young man and she was a young poor abused girl.

Their status in life is different and they were so many obstacles that they just weren’t strong enough to overcome.

But…. now it is still the same story

Only the characters and role changed a bit. She might be the Divine Archer, famous for her godlike archery that could overwhelm an entire army. To some people she is godlike.,

But compared to the strongest person in the world, what is her status? To some, she is merely the woman of Death Monarch, a bait, a target to aim to hurt him.

It is still the same story. Only this time it is the strongest man in the world and an archer who could only shoots arrows.

But none of that matter, if she could trust this. If she could trust this love

That the love they had is a love that is so strong that no one could come between it. But…she is not confident that is the love she has with him.

Call it cowardice. Call it fear. She just couldn’t take the pain…. if its him. If its him, she knew she could not take the pain.

Azief confessed to her in the past that he is quite a cowardly man. At least when it is about his feelings.

Because to a man accustomed hiding his heart, to bare it all, is the bravest thing he could do. And the bravest thing anyone could do is always when one faces their own greatest fear

And even then, even with her, there is always a part of him that is always remain hidden from her.

That darkness in his heart is something that he would never share with her. But she wanted to know. 

Wanted to understand. 

She did not mind sharing everything with him because she loves him. 

She would share the sunshine and the rainy days and as long as they were together, they could overcome it

And even if they could not, they would still have each other. If they failed, they should fail together. 

When they were together, Sofia remembers all the good stuff. 

She remembers she would smile and flick his nose. Like he always did to her every time they woke up beside each other. 

That is the way he teases her. 

But she is also like him. 

More than he thinks. 

She is not a woman that always gives her heart unreservedly. Because she knows when she gives her heart away, she gives the most important part of herself.

Even a scratch is painful. And because she knew how it felt like to have her heart broken into thousands of pieces, she knew how painful it would be.

And she has never loved someone the way she loved him. And she has never loved someone like him. 

She has always chosen the wrong guy. 

Maybe it is because she is like some kind of magnet attracting trouble. 

Maybe it is because she grew up in an abusive household. Maybe, it is because she trusted too much

Maybe….it is just fate.

But with him……with him…she felt right. Like everything is right in the world

Azief is not the ideal boyfriend one would find in a romance novel. He is not always there for her. He could be petty and his jealousy sometimes do anger her.

When it is about her, he always gets a little bit crazy. They drive each other crazy at times but when they love, they love so passionately that they felt it would burn them.

When they do fight, they fight like crazy. At times, their beliefs and their values clashed. Honestly, it is not easy for them to keep it together. 

But there is care in his words. There is certain kind of gentleness when he looks at her.

It is these small things that she remembers. And it is because of this, that sooner or later, they would find their way back toward each other

He is one of the few good things in her life. 

And years had passed. And if there is any doubt whether what she is feeling is love or not, it has long been addressed.

What she is feeling is not some kind of dependence. When Azief first leave she was here on Earth. 

She sorts her feelings back then. But even then, she made sure that she did not love him for the wrong reason.

Because that is the worse way to start a relationship. She wanted it to be right. She chuckles.

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And now, here she is. Trying to formulate a plan to say farewell. Because…. she is now afraid.

Azief is not the only one that is afraid of love. She fears it too. Tears are streaming down her eyes. tears that nobody would see.

The wind blows gently on the outside of the tent. The sun shines bright, the birds chirps and the leaves sways hypnotically. 

‘Am I making the right decision?’ she thought to herself.

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