Livestream Matchmaking: My Intel Infinitely Refreshes

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Viewer: “Bro Zhang, my blind date claims she’s a Steph Curry type of player—loyal to one franchise. But I did some digging and found out she’s actually Kevin Durant. She’s hopped between multiple teams, and she only joins “championship contenders”. Still, I’m pretty satisfied with her ‘offensive ability.’ Should I keep seeing her?”

Zhang Zhe: “I suggest having a professional medical team evaluate her for any ‘injury history’ first. If she’s cleared, you can offer her a 10-day tryout contract.”

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Viewer: “Streamer! I’m only 26, but the matchmaker my mom hired keeps setting me up with divorced single moms. The crazy part is… I actually fell for one of them. At my age, do you think I can give her kid a proper home?”

Zhang Zhe: “Go search up the biography of St. Joseph before you come back to me.”

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Viewer: “Bro Zhang, I’m a spoiled wealthy only-daughter. I’ve had guys chasing me since I was little, but I respect myself too much, so I’ve never actually dated. Now my family is rushing me to get married. Anyone in the chat interested in my type? My profile pic is my real face.”

Zhang Zhe: “Stop baiting. You’ve got all the bros in the chat biting the hook like thirsty fish. Come on, turn on your webcam, and let’s do a mock blind date right now.”

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Zhang Zhe originally just wanted to escape the suffocating grip of real-life matchmakers by looking for a partner online. He never expected things to veer into such a hilariously wild direction.