Chapter 413: Old Mate Offered Three Terrible Public-Safety Decisions

By sunset, civilians had cleared the outer harbor. Lukas found us a sheltered berth behind the repair wall, close enough to study the approach without involving anybody’s breakfast.

Our valuables stayed locked on the terrace. Wet Regret carried tools, supplies and two idiots treating a blockade as a shopping opportunity.

The watch held the inner docks, but Gullet could sit outside the shoals collecting fees and waiting for us. The harbor master called that a blockade. I called it somebody delivering three boats and then refusing to hand over the keys.

I wanted all three, preferably with fuel in them and nobody arguing about the upholstery.

[System: Before you paddle out there with your wallet hanging out, have a look at the shop. You’re overdue for a skill change, and I’ve found three options that could upset an insurance company.]

Does any offer include a captain’s hat? If Gullet insists on a naval problem, I want to dress for the promotion.

[System: Buy your own bloody hat. I’m offering skills, not running a dress-up box for a garden hose.] He climbed onto our new table and opened three windows with the pride of a man selling me my next mistake.

The first offer was Return to Sender, Ya Bastard, Rank A minus, priced at one hundred and forty IP. For two seconds, I could redirect up to forty detached, nonliving physical projectiles passing within six meters toward one visible point within thirty meters.

It kept their existing speed, followed real paths, and had a two-minute cooldown from activation. No magical beams, spells, people, melee attacks, or weapons still attached to a giant angry arm.

Can I return a thrown drink? People at home would pay good money to watch a rude customer wear his own order.

[System: Bullets first, pub grievances later. Two seconds, mate, and after that you’re back to dodging like every other prick who enjoys having a face.]

The second offer was Personal Space, You Muppet, also Rank A minus and the same price. A two-second force pulse spread six meters outward, throwing loose objects and unbraced opponents away, with three minutes between uses.

Heavy or anchored targets could resist it, and my friends would need to stay clear. The shop illustration showed a cheerful red outline surrounded by airborne chairs, which looked worryingly close to a business plan for my club.

That could get Lukas out of bed without touching his blankets, which deserves consideration before we even start throwing pirates around.

[System: Or you could tell him breakfast’s ready, you expensive idiot. Try buying something the kettle can’t do.]

The third offer was That’s My Emotional Support Monster, Rank B plus, for the same one hundred and forty points. One hostile, non-sapient beast at my rank or below, within ten meters, would defend me for thirty seconds.

A ten-minute cooldown followed, and the beast couldn’t be ordered to kill itself. Thirty seconds didn’t buy a permanent pet, either. Sapient people were excluded, spoiling Lukas’s chances of becoming useful on command.

I stared at the beast picture until Old Mate tapped the window. A temporary pet that came with teeth felt like somebody had finally understood my needs.

Could I borrow a shark, ride it into a complaint, then leave before the thirty seconds ended? I wasn’t asking for a refund, just clarity.

[System: You could borrow a shark for a complaint, mate. Imagine asking a bloke to repeat himself while your emotional support mouth ate his desk.]

I imagined arriving beside Gullet on an angry shark and asking whether he still wanted his boats back. It was beautiful enough that I nearly pressed the wrong offer.

Then the shark would leave, and I would be sitting in front of three guns looking like an abandoned chew toy.

The bullet one first, then a shark that works for food. Old Mate called it my first sensible shark plan, which I chose to accept.

I studied the chart with Galaxy Brain keeping the angles clear. Physical guns, a narrow approach, and the repair wall gave me something to work with, provided Lukas could get us close without decorating the channel with my insides.

"How close could we bring a gunboat around that outside marker without trapping ourselves?" I asked him.

He showed me on the chart, then glanced at the empty air I had been studying.

"Are we buying something useful, or have you found another way to make this harder to explain?"

"I’m buying their ammunition with their own money, and I want you to appreciate how hard I’ve worked to make that sentence possible."

I selected Return to Sender and confirmed that it would replace Mine Now, Dickhead. The theft skill disappeared from my equipped list, and one hundred and forty points left the balance.

That left eleven hundred and fifty-five IP, with my experience unchanged at one hundred and forty-three thousand five hundred out of three hundred thousand.

[System: Done, mate. Galaxy Brain, Bio-Recall, Backdoor Bludger and Return to Sender are equipped. Mine Now is gone, so fetch your own bloody snacks.]

I messaged the girls before Cherry could discover the replacement by trying to steal something across a room. I included the two-second window, single target, and each girl’s separate cooldown, then waited for the inevitable comments.

Bridget acknowledged the warning, Cherry called it an expensive return policy, and Lyra asked me to stay behind something sturdy while testing it.

Lukas made me say two seconds aloud twice. I asked whether he wanted it printed on his towel, and he said he’d prefer it written somewhere I would actually read.

[System: Fleet job, mate: secure all three gunboats, disarm their crews, and put the prizes into guarded custody. Thirty thousand experience and fifty IP when it’s done, with the fighting included. You can start by surviving your own shopping trip.]

We prepared through the evening, slept in turns at the guarded berth, and left before sunrise with the harbor master’s warning that the gunboats had reached the outer marker.

Lukas steered along the repair wall while I watched the gap ahead. The first vessel rounded it with a raised forward gun and men moving behind its shield.

Its loudspeaker ordered us to stop. I hummed and watched the muzzle settle toward our bow, waiting to trigger the brief window.

The gun flashed, and the first bright line of shots came across the water toward us.